.:DashBoard Confessional:.

Let's start from the beginning..

2012-01-16T22:31:00.001+08:00

I am in a relationship with a guy. A great guy for about 9 years now. I fell in love with him when I was in High School. Things were not always great. There were its ups and downs. It was my first year in high school where things were so different compared to primary school. Everyone behaved more mature and there were big boys and the whole atmosphere in school screams Different. I remember I sat right in front of the teacher's table in the classroom with a friend of mine. It's pretty good sitting in front because you get a good view of the blackboard. But the students behind me is having a hard time seeing the blackboard in front of them because my body was so upright and long that I practically block their view. EPIC.

Well... as a month goes by, I've noticed this very adorable boy who was looking at me from time to time from the next classroom. Each time I look at him, he would smile and walk away. He never approach or talk to me but he told a good friend of mine that he had a crushed on me. It was pretty intimidating because I never liked someone before especially a guy. It was weird to have someone to like you because in primary school it was totally okay to play with boys but now its different. If you play with a boy, your piers will tease you for liking this boy and feelings will also develop too at the same time. Well.. he finally had the guts to speak to me... I was shy and blushing like a lil red tomato. When he is sitting next to me I got crazy. His smell, his voice, his apperance, his lips... Oh god.... I suppose that he noticed that. I can't stop thinking about him. When I get phone calls from him I'm so happy! I am smiling to myself like a full! I know that he's so cute and nice, girls loves him. I knew I had a deep crush on him but I played cool XD .... cool as a cucumber babeh =P

In school he would pass me tiny piece of paper saying how much he missed me and he wanted to know basically everything about me... We never sat down with each other for a real and proper conversation.... Well I supposed we were both so shy that I can barely even stare into his eyes for a minute. Each time he goes down to the field to play football or tennis... I'll be quietly peaking on him from the window in my classroom. He doesn't know. It took almost 2 years for us to finally feel comfortable with each other... I tend to get butterflies in my tummy when he approaches me... Well I was only 14, I don't know what love was but I have this strong powerful feeling in my heart for this guy. We went for this scouts camp together which was held in school... accompanied along with my girl friend and his cousin. It was midnight and all the camp participants was asked to gather in the school hall for some kinda Bravery test or so. The whole hall was completely dark and we were all sitting in there quietly because it was midnight and we were all drained off and tired and sleepy!! He sat right next to me and I swear that was the closest we ever sat next to each other. He held my hand and oh god... my heart was beating so fast and my hands was in an awkward position and I could feel my feet and palm was sweating... but then I knew... I wanted him to hold my hand. 2 years and finally he made a move.

He is now miles and miles away from me but distance will never be an obstacles for us because we've gone thru so much... Distance is just a piece of cake. No one will know how much I love this man. I never tell and I never show... I'm writing all these now because I want him to read and know... I really appreciate him and until now... our memories are still clearly in my mind. He had changed so much and mature so drastically when he studied abroad. I'm so proud of him in so many ways. I know he is mentally physically tired because studying medicine is not an easy thing. It needs a lot of determination and courage to do so. He never make me feel left out because of his studies. He tried so hard to make time for me and to make me feel wanted. I know I can be a pain in the ass at times because my attitude and temper is bad but I'm working on it. He's the only person who can bare with me. He treats me like a princess and all I know... he wants the best for me.. He wants me to be happy..

First post for YEAR 2012 :)

2012-01-15T00:46:00.003+08:00

oh crap... I don't feel inspired to blog but with the help of "emo" musics its a piece of cake to write an essay here! haha.... oh well, living life everyday with the basic routines. School's out and now I'm practically having weeks of to study for my finals. Awesome rite?! Lol... chinese new year is days away... not really looking forward to it cuz as we grow older, we tend to lose interest in celebrations including birthdays laaa... Overall I ended my 2011 with a blast tho there's tonnes of ups n downs but I've got thru it. I thank Jesus for that =P

I used to be a loyal blogger for the past 3 years but well I guess i lost interest in it too.... hahaha... hmmm okay I'll just type whatever that comes out my head la aite? Basically, I'm trying to focus on the important things in life. Trying my hardest to save money but money tends to fly out faster than I could save it. I really need to work harder but kinda lazy to travel for jobs. Modelling is tough shit la overall.. Dramatic bitches is what I can't stand most... the whole atmosphere just screams competitiveness and drama! I still prefer laid back kinda surroundings with my humble classmates. oh I just love being around my down-to-earth friends... all they care is studies and they're not spoilt. I blend better with these kinda people laaa...

Well I wasn't planning to this actually but lately my best friend got a girlfriend .... so we're very close and we get along together very well... So I was teasing him saying that "oh so somebody got girlfriend, straight away forget about me already larrrr".... hahahaha... then he said " even I got girlfriend but you're still my no. 1 and crazy sister ><" .... So Now I have a brother. great! lol

I feel like I haven't been fully opening up to people cuz I'll always be that person who's afraid of so many things... My biggest fear would be losing something. I cherish everything that comes along my way and its painful to see how people you once knew and got so closed with are NOw completely strangers to you... well... we can never ask people to stay but all I know... when you have them around you.... be nice to them and give them all you can afford to give.... when a person doesn't appreciate what you have done for them... tell yourself It's okay cuz Karma is a bitch ;) I do want things to stay the same way it always does but unfortunately with the passing of time... things and people change. We change too... physically,mentally and emotionally...

I feel like I can write forever... well ....life stories is a never ending thing! we write our own life and love stories. Don't live life the way how people want us to live... Have your own idea and stands in life.... Its a tough journey out there but with the help of a lil miracle and support.... nothing is impossible =P

xoxo,

May ~

forget december.

2011-12-24T11:07:00.008+08:00

Happy Friday and Happy Holidays to you all. Here's to a wonderfully relaxing weekend of peace and joy spent with family and friends. I'm sending you giant hug through the computer. Can you feel it? I'll be eating lots of sweets this weekend watching holiday movies. I seem to be in a much better mood today than I was at the beginning of the week, yayyy! Exams and assignments had been piling up like a stack of old newspaper for the past few weeks. uRGH... well, I'm glad I'm done and over it. So, cheers to my relaxing, fun-filled weekend : ) On a Friday morning, why not to blog? Ha.

I didn't ask for much next year. Not sure if it's because I'm not really into it or if because I'm getting older. Or because I know I won't get my Macbook so why even bother? (Haha kidding, I'm such a baby!) Whatever the case may be, I'm just happy to be surrounded by people who love me and care about me. When you really think about it, if you don't have that in your life, everything else becomes irrelevant.

With that being said, I hope you all have a verrrrrrry Merry Christmas and A Happy new year! And that you get to spend it with your loved ones too. Bring on 2012, i'm ready.

: )

2011-12-14T19:22:00.008+08:00

I've been thinking a lot about emotional needs lately. After all, we all have them, don't we? We all want to feel safe and secure. But we also want to take care of other people; it's human nature.So here's the question of the day, friends: What are you emotional needs? ! Blah=p

2# In our minds, the idea of a relationship sounds perfect, doesn't it? You meet someone you feel a connection with, and you start romanticizing what could be. The future is whatever you want it to be, you think. It's incredible. It's intoxicating, even. True, it may be a tad bit unrealistic, but there is something to that, though, isn't there, about the idea of a relationship? I don't think anyone goes into a relationship with malicious intent. You go into it with only the best of intentions, don't you? You don't mean any harm to anyone. Why would you go into it with some sort of ulterior motive? You want it to work out. After all, you want to be happy. You want both of you to be happy.

so i don't forget, today i am thankful for:days that are trying and difficult and make me stop to think about what in my life is most valuable.readjust, readjust, readjust. our ability to readjust and then continue on a better path is how i know there is a god who loves us

delicate.

2011-06-30T00:04:00.004+08:00

Oh where to begin? … where to begin?

Sometimes there comes a moment where enough is enough.
You just cannot slump around anymore.
You will not whine or complain or mope one more minute.
There MUST be an end, and you will find that end no matter what it takes.
There also comes a time when you finally realize that a pill or a book or a person or a purchase is not going to fix you.
In fact, deep down you know that nothing out there will ever be able to fix or complete you.
And you'll come to know...it's only up to you.
And so you pick yourself up and you just. get. ready.
Ready to battle.
Ready to take responsibility and ready to make changes.
You stand before the mirror, and you acknowledge that only you see what's before you....what is inside you....and only you can make the next step =))))))))

never stop fighting.
Never give up.

We are not quitters.

so begin today to live a life that is worthy.
That's all.Happy Thursday everyone!!!

Not so glamorous after all.

2011-06-09T09:29:00.005+08:00

I have been requested to write an article about modeling for a column in the school magazine. how do I go about it? blah blah blah........brainstorming...... and B-A-MMMM , people's perception about the modelling world got me inspired :))

I’m 5 feet 9 inches tall and in the modeling world, that's a shrimp. People keep telling me I'm tall but wait till you see my female model friends. They’re standing at an impressively 6 feet 1 inches tall = 185.42 centimeters! I had always had modeling in the back of my mind. People have always come up to me and said 'are you a model or have you ever thought about pursuing modeling?’. Despite what people keep telling me, I'd never thought about pursuing modelling myself now. I have friends from both genders would come up to me and ask ‘how to become a model?’. Alright you have great looks that can turn heads while you’re walking on public place and great portfolio but that is not enough at all. The model should possess strong will power and confidence to hunt for right opportunity with a determination to work harder and harder. You must be stronger from inside your attitudes, mannerism, communications skills, and patience can put you on the desired place in the industry. Never think that modeling is full of glamour, but if you look in to rationally it is not just glamour as it seems from outside. When you see a beautiful model wearing great smile, there is a lot of hard work behind it from the model itself to full fill the clients, photographers and creative people set objectives. Throughout the fashion week, I was doing back-to-back shows. Sounds glamorous? Well, it looks glamorous, but behind the scenes is chaos! Make up, off, then on, then off and on again, hair extensions glued-in, hair ironed, teased, poked, prodded - the constant preening takes its toll and there’s no time to zone out.

A little guidance to your first steps toward becoming one. “Well, I think I could be a model, but I’m too short/tall/fat/thin/ethnic/....” First, the bad news. Some types of modeling do have pretty rigorous requirements. For instance, runway fashion models need to be tall and preferably slender. If you’re not at least 5'7" or more, the odds of your getting work doing runway fashion are not good. There are exceptions – Kate Moss, for instance, is only 5'6". But exceptions do not disprove rules. Modern haute couture show-fashion is designed to look good on tall, slender models (although this is changing.) If you aren’t tall and slender, the clothes won’t look good on you. If the clothes don’t look good on you, the designers won’t want you to wear them. That’s life. It’s nothing personal. Now the good news. Runway fashion is a tiny, tiny fraction of all the modeling work in the world. Think about it: which do you see more often, pictures of Tyra Banks in a New York fashion show, or pictures of attractive people in everyday settings doing fairly ordinary things to try to get you to buy something or otherwise catch your interest? Commercial, print, casual and editorial work, let alone glamour and art photography, constantly require a huge number of interesting, attractive people of all shapes and sizes for modeling duties. And in today’s market-driven, targeted advertising world, every advertiser with a customer base – tall, short, fat, thin, ethnic, you name it – tries to appeal to its target demographic by using models who look like them, only maybe just a little more attractive.

Well, there is also a very ugly side of modelling. Models are constantly being told to lose weight or gain weight. They are also rejected a lot for jobs. If you can't handle REJECTIONS without taking it personal then modeling is not for you! Also, if you're actually doing some modeling, be careful of "agents," "photographers," "model scouts," whatever. Make sure you bring your mom or your friend with you. Watch out for the sickos out there. Never pay to be in a photo shoot! They should be paying you. If you're serious about becoming a model, then you might want to invest in a modeling class session. You will learn a lot from these, and you will network with the professional models that teach the classes, and the amateur models just like you. Just make sure the organization is licensed so that you don't waste your money. Beware of agency scams, they will usually ask for money up front. If you don't have the money for classes, there are a lot of books, shows, and mentors out there that will help you. When you go to auditions, be extremely careful. Don't go to auditions posted in the "Jobs" section of the news paper. In reality just start contacting legitimate agencies and go to their open calls. If you are what the market is looking for, they will give you a call back. Models carry themselves with an air of confidence, not an air of cockiness! Don't think you're better than everyone, don't get too wrapped up in yourself. Open your eyes to the world and find opportunities. Good Luck !

bits n pieces.

2011-05-18T11:02:00.003+08:00

Oh life.
Brain.
Emotions and hormones.

pulling it all together...

Okay, chemical imbalance or not, we are all on a different playing field.
We ALL react to stress differently, we ALL handle life differently.
My journey has brought me to this.
You have to find what works best for you.
It's not about being weak and wanting to eliminate feelings.
Quite the contrary.
It's about finding a balance so that we CAN feel feelings,

rather than stay in one monstrous one for an extended period of time.

I've learned important lessons too.
I appreciate more the simple moments of life.
I have a deeper love and appreciation for those who have taken the time to

listen, pray, and still love me throughout it all.
I am more madly in love with my dude who has been unbelievably patient, loving, supportive and understanding through each and every icky moment.

We will never be free of emotions.

Or moods.

We are human.

Perfectly imperfect humans....

note : Well, it looks like the gears are turning and I could shortly be filmed for a reality TV show that could make it on the air. [ ..excited yet nervous..]

very odd dreams that are mostly riddled with fears

2011-05-17T11:01:00.014+08:00

Some things about me that may be mildy amusing to you:

I have phobia sitting in speeding cars.

I'm afraid of heights.

I sleep with the lights on.

I do believe ghosts exist, but I have never seen one myself.

I have sweaty palms when i'm nervous.

My nickname when I was little was "Bin Bin biscuits".

I hate it when people touch my hair.

i hate overfriendly people. Annoying!

Fucking annoyed by girls pretending to be high maintenance sort of thing.WTF rite?

trashy biatches.

Girls Ogle at other girls. so darn annoying!

DISLIKE Girls Comparing themselves with other girls. (Deadly mistake)

I hate people Over boasting.

I am used to eating or sitting in a cafe alone, with or without friends.

I don't always go out with my cellphone and wallet.

I hate giving my cell phone number to strangers.. stalker much!

I hate girls pretending all nice in front and gossip or talk behind someone's back.

Dislike Guys who are very open about themselves.

I love ice-cream and nacho chips.

I hate facebook stalkers. Girls n guys 'adding back as a friend' non-stop, when you ignored their friend request like a million times... stalker much??!!!! and when you approved them... they don't even intro themselves... hmmm... asshole.

I hate it when you remove someone from your friend list in facebook and they keep ADDING n ADDING back.... Don't they get the point?? idiots man.

I hate friends or people asking me questions about ANYTHING whether it's about myself or random shit. Fuck! Can't I have some peace and privacy without you bunch asking me a hell of a lot of questions?

'm calm at the things I do.

I can feel the 'REALNESS' of someone as soon as they start to speak up.

I'm racist.

Everyone is a sinner. Don't bullshit me.

I hate fucking skinny stick girls talking about DIET and weight loss plan. idiots!

I don't fancy expensive stuff.

Shopaholic freaks is a pain in the ass.

I believe we will all go to hell.

I believe sex education should be implemented in primary schools.

I am sensitive to other needs.

I only believe in inner beauty... outer beauty is all bullshit. Come on man! Any Tom, Dick and Harry can get plastic surgery done and look drop dead gawjuz instantly.

I never put on make up on a normal daily basis.

I Don't follow fashion.

I Don't fancy branded clothes.... spoilt kids! Don't they have mercy for their parents who worked so hard to get those money? ass.

Our government is corrupted.

I hate wannabes

I don't eat scallop, oyster, siham and beef.

I hate half cooked meat.

Local fruits is my favourite.

I don't mind looking foolish in public.

I don't praise myself.

I don't copy in exams. I die on my own.

I don't wipe and comb my hair after bathing.

I study hard for exams.

Modeling was never something I see myself doing or pursuing in the future... I don't necessary love it or hate it. I'm just pushing my boundaries and see how far i can go into different field.

I walk out naked after bathing.

I'm cool Not wearing any undergarments while going out.

Black is my favourite color.

Pink color? hmmm depends lar.

I hate eating pills.

I don't waste my time looking at people's facebook photoAlbums. Maybe 5 picture or less and that's also to oblige someone/ friends...hahaha

I wish I can buy a gun...

Carrying handbags is such a burden.

I love spicy food.

I hate wasting money on movies unless its FREE!!

I'm super stingy

I cry everytime watching the less fortunate striving to live.

I hate wiping off eyeliner

I love being around studious people.

I hate my university.

I don't pray.

I don't make fake promises....action speaks louder than words.

I want to open my very own cupcakes or candies store.

I love watching cooking show... mum says i am obsessed!

I don't read blogs. lame

I write blogs when I feel like too.

I hate crowded places.

I have bad eyesight.

I'm neutral AT EVERYTHING I DO

I have bad temper but I control it

I don't like doing things most girls enjoy.. those girlish stuff makes me wanna barf!

I find it stupid for newbie couples going 'I love you forever n forever' and the next second they break up... Bastard.

Couples who celebrate monthly anniversary are stupid CUZ the next minute...they are both single...

I only believe in reality...The real world! No such thing as ONCE UPON A TIME for me. rubbish~!

Where I put up a ' Facelift' picture cuz I couldn't find a good picture....

2011-05-12T11:14:00.000+08:00

The holidays were lovely...Eggs & biscuits were on the table every morning, there was always an abundance of Ice-cream in the freezer and "special" bread in the bread box. I've been so busy driving, cleaning, packing, traveling, working and doing coupley things that I've almost forgotten that this is the time I should be resting well before the new semester starts! "sighs"

Oh hell. I'm the person you don't want to fuck with, ever. She's hot headed. She screams from time to time and thank God my family members was born with good lungs- cause they are the only person brave enough to scream back. But....we all can burn and too often we burn the people we love the most, cause they're the only ones willing to reach out and touch the fire. We're all steaming, flames of ridiculous bursts of light that are both blinding and beautiful in the same glance. We can scream and disagree, but we are family. And you know how Malaysians feel about family....I'm done throwing a fit now. Thanks.

I have a feeling that it's the shitty one that stuck.
Not inspired. Not inspired. BLAH BLAH BLAH.
Still feel like reading?!

I need a new phone, a chill pill, a manicure and a pedicure, a new computer! So. I want nice things. There....I said it. I want to be able to buy unnecessary items. But more importantly, I want to be able to LIVE. Live my life, cross off lists, live bountifully not BLEAKLY.

Time is escaping me. Completely running through my fingertips like powdered sugar. MMM....sugar.

Time is running away from me like I'm a butcher knife wielding mad man, with it's heels on fire. Just for today, I don't want TIME to control me.

I want to be in the time that I have so that I don't wonder where it went when it's gone.

No watches, no deadlines.

I want to let go of the "have-to-dos" and tell everything to just SLOW DOWN.....or wait for me.

I want time to finish my milk, to read my book, to stay in bed with my teddy.

To check off everything on my list.

to To get there without feeling rushed.

To walk in the grass.

To make new friends.

TO DO IT ALL.

To research and learn.

To write and let creativity come naturally.

To decide without pressure.

To eat meals in courses.

To make a cheesecake.

To enjoy the process instead of getting intimidated by it.

To digest and to meditate.

To BREATHE.

Annnnnd....

to pluck my eyebrows in a magnifying mirror.

note: Life throws you plans better than you imagined for yourself when you aren't expecting it.

i'm not sure what to post about today

2011-05-08T00:06:00.006+08:00

{one} have you ever been stuck in an elevator?
thank god no!

{two} have you ever ridden on an elephant?
ummmm, no!

{three} have you ever met a well known celebrity?
South Korean pop and R&B singer, RAIN :)

{four} do you have any food allergies?
Peanuts

{five} do you know how to sew?
A lil bit.

{six} did you get an allowance when you were young?
RM1

{seven} how often do you fill up your gas tank?
hmmm....ask my mum!

{eight} have you ever been stung by a jelly fish?
no, i hate swimming in yucky water!

{nine} have you ever been robbed?
i really don't want to jinx myself on this one;)

{ten} what is the worst haircut you’ve ever had?
when i was young, my sister cut my hair super short and it was hideous && ugly!

- So, I just got a call from Penang yesterday...regarding a competition that I randomly participated and I'm shortlisted as one of the semi finalist but unfortunately, I got another better offer and somehow the dates clashes so...I gotta choose only ONE...hmmmm....
- Sher's been out of the country for over 2 years and I have been doing okay. Right this minute, I am literally waiting for him to go online. Waiting so I could talk to my best friend, my partner, my leader, my better half. Waiting so I could last another day without him here. Waiting so my love tank can be refilled. And when he does, I’ll still be waiting. Waiting for him to come home : ) I miss you niuk.

what are you...right or left? :)

2011-05-07T23:46:00.001+08:00

Left brain: I am the left brain. I am a scientist. A mathematician. I love the familiar. I categorize. I am accurate. Linear. Analytical. Strategic. I am practical. Always in control. A master of words and language. Realistic. I calculate equations and play with numbers. I am order. I am logic. I know exactly who I am.

Right brain: I am the right brain. I am creativity. A free spirit. I am passion. Yearning. Sensuality. I am the sound of roaring laughter. I am taste. The feeling of sand beneath bare feet. I am movement. Vivid colors. I am the urge to paint on an empty canvas. I am boundless imagination. Art. Poetry. I sense. I feel. I am everything I wanted to be.

I hope y’all been having a grrrr-reat week (:

2011-05-03T21:36:00.005+08:00

Sorry I haven’t been updating for quite awhile. I’ve been busy with my studies. Done with another photo-shooting session. Catalogue shooting session around the corner. Looking forward for a shooting session with the established malaysian fashion designer with over 20 years of experience the the fashion industry :)) plus a Photo shooting with the girls would be fun....can't wait =) Few slots are opens up for fashion shooting too. Not forgetting my sweethearts!! we will be having a reunion in KL real soon! Missing you girls so much =) have a safe flight babes muakssss!

Since I’ve got this freakishly weird urge to blog but my brain refuses to cooperate with me. So yeah, here goes nothing….. ABC About You Questions:

A – Available: Nope :)

B – BIRTHDAY: 4th March
C – CRUSHING ON: Taylor lautner

D – DRINK YOU LAST HAD: Water!
E – EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: My friends

F – FAVORITE SONG: Currently, 'FOR YOU I WILL by Teddy Geiger'

G – GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: BOTH .... i have a sweet tooth =)
H – HOMETOWN: Malacca!
I- IN LOVE WITH: Food

J – JUGGLE: Nope :/
K – KILLED SOMEONE: Of course not!
L – LONGEST CAR RIDE: From Melaka to Penang.

M- MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Oreos (:
N – NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 3

O – ONE WISH: to be the wealthiest person on earth

P – PERSON YOU CALLED LAST: Mom!
R – REASON TO SMILE: Delicious food
S- SONG YOU LAST HEARD: OMG by Usher

T – TIME YOU WOKE UP: 9 AM
U – UNDERWEAR COLOR/PATTERN: *winks*
V – VEGETABLE(S): Broccoli. Carrots. Cucumber.
W – WORST HABIT: I need ice cream to make me happy

X – X-RAYS YOU’VE HAD: My gums.

Y – YOYOS ARE: FUN!
Z – ZODIAC SIGN: Pisces

P.S blogging serves as a place to keep and share my memories. I'm not witty or funny or hardly interesting, but thanks to you all for always stopping by to read... =)))

I have a terrible habit of looking at tiny problems and making them feel unsurmountable. Now, however, I intend to change this entirely. I want to work harder at looking at things from different perspectives and trying to see the positive aspects of everything. I know this isn't the easiest thing in the world to do, but if you never try you'll never know. They say it takes 60 days to kick an old habit or make a new one. So hopefully, soon .... I have a bit of a rebirth myself.
May God bless us all with love, joy, peace and success =))

What to pack in your model case?

2011-04-28T17:23:00.005+08:00

OK, you're off to a model photo shoot. But, did you remember to pack your bag? Did you put everything you need in it? What you bring to your model photo session will depend upon whether this is your first shoot for a portfolio or a paying job. If you are shooting for an agent or client, he will tell you what to bring but you still need to carry basics in case of changes in hair, makeup, etc... Here are the essentials for your wardrobe. P.S. some of the clothing listed here will be provided if this is a model shoot for a client.

Casual - blue jeans, sports & knit tops, button up tops, shorts, blue jeans, etc.

Business Suit - for a different look

Sports (exercise, uniforms, shorts, etc.) - If you plan to do some sports modeling

Lingerie - If you plan to enter the lingerie market

Swim wear - needs to be a bikini that really flatters you

Any props like hats, neckties, men's shirts, jackets, etc.

G-string & bra in flesh tone color - This is to eliminate lines that show under clothing

Hose/nylons in an assortment of colors

Socks in different colors including black and white

Bring several different bras including at least one push-up and one in flesh tone color

A robe to wear between changes during the photo session

Bring a scarf to wear when changing to help keep makeup off client's and your clothing

Accessories - You've got to have something to compliment the clothes, right..
Along with each outfit, try to bring accessories which will accent or match the outfit. Keep accessories simple.

Assortment of necklaces Earrings

Bracelets

Choker (these are popular at the time of this writing)

Wristwatch - You normally wouldn't wear a watch unless you are doing a photo where you will be looking at the time.

Shoes, Shoes, Shoes!!!!

As with accessories, shoes should match or accent the outfit. But, you can also think outside the box on the subject of footwear. For example; High heels have a totally different look with jeans or swim wear than with an evening dress

Dress shoes - Bring several different pairs

High heels - Also an assortment

Boots or high heel boots

Sandal

Don't forget about the hair!!!
Below are some items you'll need for your hair (or hair removal)

An assortment of combs and hairbrushes

Straightener

A couple of headbands

Shaving cream and a couple of sharp razors

Anything else you use for hair care

When coming to the model shoot, I would suggest leaving the hair fairly natural with very little (if any) hairspray.....

Makeup and facial
Even if your shoot involves a make-up artist, you still may want to pack the following cuz make-up fades as time passes and sometimes we are requested to put on our own foundation base bcuz of the the time issue and not enough helping hand..

Your complete makeup kit along with a

mirror

A moisturizer

Cottonballs and swabs Lip balm

Vaseline

A good skin cleanser

Several different shades of lip color (be sure to bring some solid colors)

Nails, finger that is.

Your complete manicure kit

Nail polish with neutral color

Remover kit for nail polish

A nice manicure wilreally enhance your model photos, especially images where your hand is near your face in close-ups so pay particular attention to your nails. Don't put on so bright colours :)))

Whatever the eyes see & the heart feels :))

2011-04-23T22:44:00.003+08:00

“Love’s involved with
spending time together,
but spending time apart,
can lead to loving even more.”
— Tyler Hawkins, Remember Me

Just sharing :))))

2011-04-22T23:49:00.021+08:00

Different people have different opinions on how to strut the catwalk but what's actually the right way to do a catwalk?hmmmm..... I've seen and have been taught by tonnes of different individuals on how to strut the runway but each & everyone of them has different styles/technique of catwalking and they always claim that their walk is the right one but however, when you master one's catwalk, the other individual would say its incorrect . 'Ball of confusion i tell you'....hahaha.... Anyway,..... professionalism wise....., the walk we should/want to master would be the international catwalk. It's very Clean Cut. Nothing more, nothing less. It sounds simple but many failed to master because these days models are prone to crazy poses or hand gestures at the end of the runway. besides that, too much hips and arms swinging , slouching , blur faces , protruding lips, no eye contact,etc etc.... would be an additional disaster... YES it isn't wrong but would you rather be listed as the 'shopping mall model' or the experience one? also, most individuals whom can barely master the clean cut walk are trying and implying those crazy moves and turns into their catwalk... see oso pek chek and girls actually cried because it was so hard to break out from their comfort zone. but at the end of the day, it depends on what show you are doing, the location, choreographer, client, outfits and etc... but if you were to attend any kinda of casting & you are required to do a catwalk, clean cut catwalk is the one you should strut.

pictures of clean cut walk: most of the time, no posing required at the end of the runway

and no smiling too...

the aboves : clean cut walk loOK much nicer rite?

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ANYWAYS....,

Oh man! I miss them !!

Above : My sayang!

- I remembered the days where you would take me out to eat and

shop with your friends.........

and that one moment where you cancelled your flight and came down to Malacca to surprise me...Argh...I love you!! The funny moments we had was definitely the microwave egg explosion happenned to our friend and the moment where people thought we were lesbian in the club plus the attention she gets from the crowd in the club was crazy 'she's standing on the dance floor DANCING making guys & girls feeling like a midget!!!' she's 6 feet btw.. haha... she's a diva on the runway i tell you but a sweetie pie in person :)

----------------------------------------------------------

above : My sayang too!!

- She makes me laugh a lot! I remembered that one moment where she was coughing non-stop and I told her to get a mask cuz I was afraid to go near her & she wore the mask + sunglasses = looking like michael jackson walking in the shopping mall. haha... She loves eating so much and each time we go mamak, she would order that same old MAGGI GORENG and she refuse to share it with anyone!hahahaha

----------------------------------------------

above : baby lex!!

- He was always afraid of me cuz I would steal his french fries and junk food.He's super smart for a kid and fyi he models kids clothing! so cute i tell you... I always ask him to diet and he admits he has too... hahaha adorable eh??

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Above : My darling!

- Sot i miss you a lot :(((( The one moment I remembered the most was the time I always borrowed your clothes, accessories, shoes...cuz she had so many beautiful stuff in the closet and I felt like having it ALL! hahaha... There was one moment were she woke up feeling so hot and headache cuz my arm was resting on top of her head and she knows I'm super hygienic and a germ exterminator! She doesn't dare sitting on my bed cuz she knows i will scream like a witch..hahaha...She's rarely smiles and looks super fierce when you first saw her but she's actually a very shy person... She has the style and also the moves on the runway.Her signature walk is her thing! she's a supermodel n hope YOU make it big in overseas!

-------------------------------------------------------

Above: International supermodel , Angie

- The one moments that brought me to tears was the tiMe we had the ' inner feelings talk'.

Funny moments was definitely the time we were camwhoring and acting cute...haha...

Sweet moments was when she gave a hanDmade card & sweets in it :)))) loveeee!

She takes good editorial pictures and appeared in magazines like female, FHM M'sia&Indonesia , Asteliear Beaute , New tide and many more....

-----------------------------------------

above : My sayang!

- She laughs when I laugh... hahahahaha! She's only 18 but she's 6 feet 1 :))

She loves my cooking which I appreciate it a lot and my sayang is super very kind in borrowing her stuff! She loves BOOST 'a drink' a lot and has tonnes of killer heels at her age! hahaha... I miss you & I shall see you soon babe! cant wait :))))

------------------------------------------------

above: This chic loves my poached eggs and she would ask me to cook for her from time to time...hahaha... she can tell really funny stories i tell you! and She has one smoking body :))

------------------------------------------

I remembered that one moment where we went to mamak and chat till the shop closes! and also dance like crazy hot chics on the dance floor .... haha.. she's so sweet in person and also a hardworking one :)))

----------------------------------------------

-Last but not least , Moogs! He's hairstyle is so cool and I remembered that one moment where we were waiting under the hot sun and you said you were going to MELT! hahaha so funny!!!
His signature pose would be the 'hunch back'!! hahaha and he's a very sweet & nice person too :)))

----------------------------------------

note: Good Friends is what can make life enjoyable and worthwhile. Friendship is something sweet and something special that gives life that extra kick. Keep in touch : D

saw this and just thought of sharing it =))

2011-04-19T15:34:00.003+08:00

It's either you understand or you don't. That simple.

My girlfriend invited me to her house, I found her sister alone in the house, she was unbelievably sexy, she whispered in my ear, "i have feelings for you, shall we have sex" , I immediately turned around and walked to the front door to go to my car, I found my girlfriend standing there, she hugged me and said: "you've won my trust"... Moral of the story: always keep your condoms in the car.

...PERIODS SUCK...Peeing in the morning after you wake up andthe toilet looks like a bowl of Hawaiian Punch.

I'm wearing my BEST butt jeans, my cutest shirt, my hair looks amazing, and no matter where i go looking like this, NO hot guys are there.I'm at Wal*Mart, hair tied up in a bun, no makeup, sweat pants,old t-shirt with paint and holes in it, and slippers. and every time I turn around, HOT GUYS EVERYWHERE.freakkin lovely.

KID: Dad, can you write in the dark?FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?KID: Your name on this report card.

“BOYS ARE LIKE ONIONS" ..THEY ADD TASTE AND SPICE IN GIRLS LIVES.. BUT JUST LIKE ONIONS, THEY MAKE GIRLS CRY TOO......A REAL MAN is not defined by how many girlfriends he had, instead, It’s how many girls cried when he said, “No, I’m taken and I love her.”

Advantages Of Being A Women:

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. Taxis stop for us.

3. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when we're dancing.

5. We can hug our friends without wondering if she's gay.

6. We can hug our friends without wondering if we're gay.

7. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

8. We can congratulate our team-mate without touching her butt.

9. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

10. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.

Honey, your skirt is so high up it's a belt. Your hair is so bright it hurts my eyes. Your skin is so orange you look like you were an unfortunate victim of an explosion at an orange juice factory. Your eyes have so much make up on them you look like a raccoon. Who are you trying to impress, a blind man?

Today I was approached by a homeless man who asked if i had any changeI only had two dimes, but i gave it to him anyways. As i watched him walk away, he put the dimes in someone's expired parking meterSomeone who can't afford to feed himself but helps others.

*Watching t.v**A sex scene comes on**Mom walks in*Mom:What are you watching?!?!?!?!You: A SHOW THAT WAS INNOCENT BEFORE YOU WALKED IN!!!!

Nope, I haven't abandoned the blog....

2011-04-18T18:04:00.007+08:00

Time passes by fast when I'm busy... suddenly I glance up and it's almost been weeks since I've posted. I am so sorry that I have been MIA. My life has been hectic times a billion lately. Let me give you a recap....

I'm giving myself a huge break right now cuz i'm physically, mentally and emotionally drained .... fashion shows was a successed and gosh, more than 10 fashion shows completed and several photoshooting...how exhausting is tat???!! so, i've postponed all shootings & etc. cuz my whole body screams 'STOP'! seriously...

So, next month i have to catch up with all the postponed shootings and runways...

I adore doing designers fashion show cuz everything is so professional and the design of each outfit is high fashion couture and all so pretty =))) The Fashion Showcase all the famous Malaysian designers from Khoon Hooi, Edric Ong , Zang Toi , Dominique , and many more... I love Melinda Looi's design so much and she has her own collection of designed outfits in Pavilion, KL which cost up to RM9000.... only the rich and famous can afford it man.... Most of her designs are long gowns with Extravagant Trains and its aint easy to strut down the runway with those outfits and not forgetting a pair of killer heels some more....fuh!! *wipe sweat off* hahahahaha

dammit lar...malacca only offers unpaid fantasy/bridal/hair show!who does things for free i dun get it???everything nowadays is about the money, money, money!!! what I dislike most is fantasy makeup show... hideous looking makeup and hairdo and worst of all, they DON'T pay those models at all...wtf rite?? let them sit there for hours, destroying your face and hair & then, do a FREE show for them in those hideous obscene outfit in public...Ugly stuff man... I have friends who does fashion show at RM1000 and as low as RM400 ... SEE, this is what i call worth doing lar....

lately, i'm trying to break into the commercial industry and also print ads/billboards.... cuz big bucks comes from commercials and print ads $$$$$$ so hell yea...I wil be heading back to KL next month and I've been having a great time at parties in KL and gosh....they throw the hottest parties!! love love love it.... haiz.... I miss my supermodel chics so muchie!they are such great fun and they make me laugh like a maniac i tell you!! looking forward to see them in few weeks time =))))) Ntg much about university cuz this semester only 2 subjects and yea boring as usual ....also, i've been really inactive in sports cuz my whole system is temporarily dead. hahahaha.... Okay, that's all for today. I'll write more next time....I promise. So until further notice, go about your blogging business. And don't miss me too much.

*********************************

Sometimes we drive each other nuts, sometimes we laugh like crazy, sometimes we're the silliest people ever and MOST TIMES we use our own made up words. He is my best friend, my partner in crime and the person who knows the most about me. Even when he's driving me crazy I have to admit I'm pretty lucky to call him mine :))))

harlo

2011-03-29T23:02:00.003+08:00

been super busy lately and as usual super malas nak blogging but have to update once in awhile lar or else my blog is dead....haha
this friday is APRIL FOOLS day and yeap one month has flown by again....

Tiz saturday my schedule is packed with events and its hectic i tell ya cuz i'll be strutting down the runway with custom made designer clothing from :

MODA [ Malaysian Official Designers Association ]
BDA [ Bumiputra Designers Association ]
YODA [ Young Designers Arena---- establishes in a fashion industries to develop and grow the fashion scene in Malaysia among young and talented fashion designers ]
IFF
Clothes made from paper designed by a group of designers in regarding of the 'recycling campaign'

so all in all i'll be having 5 designers shows in a day and yes it's hectic! done tonnes of fitting with the rest of the caucasian male n female models plus african models and gosh the russian and saudi arabia models are hot....!! hahaha.....

nak tido now cuz esok n the day after tomoro i'm very busyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy lar.... hahahaha

my blogging skills sucks BIGTIME!sowieeeeeeeee..

let me start this off by saying that I AM TERRIBLE AT updating blogs!

2011-03-18T15:36:00.005+08:00

well friends..

it has been a while..

a l o o o o o o n g w h i l e.....

AND..a lot has changed in this oofa life since i last saw ya..
my blog fog head has been on overdrive

so far this year and my blogging skills

seem to be a massive fail oh so recently...!!

After a nice, long break from the blogging world,

I finally decided it's time to start writing again.

I've had a lot of things that needed my attention and focus,

so I chose to give the blog a bit of a rest

so I could put all my energy where it really needed to be....

LIKE...

Making sure i've completed all my assignments and chores...
Cooking up some delicious goodness in the kitchen...
studying like a fool
Working, working, working. Have I mentioned I've been working my butt off?
enjoying my one-on-one time with him on the internet

So, I'm back. Hopefully on a more regular basis.

can you believe it's Friday already?!

I'm looking forward for KL's fashion week....

I just adore runway shows.

probably 40% more than photoshoots.

"strap on stunning heels and strut down the runway"

woots woots!!!

the chaos backstage makes you have butterflies in your stomach.

Lately i just did an Ads shooting in this enormous studio in KL.

it's kinda cool cuz I had to change my poses like a 100 times for that 10 minutes shoot.

close-up shot is still my favourite cuz it just focuses on the facial expression and ntg else....

sweeeeeet niblets!!

**************************

I went way out of my comfort zone cuz the pictures taken below is more to the commercial side which is a different side of me cuz I often feel more comfortable with editorial shooting. but it's worth a TRY!lol

Miss Malaysia World 2011...should i or shouldnt i??urghh there's just too many subjects next semester and i'm confident that assignments will piling up like CRAZY next sem!hmmm still considering lar..... anyways, I got an A for my maths which is awesome...A for workplace communication which is even more awesome cuz from the beginning of the semester I thought I was going to fail tat subject cuz the lecturer always cancel class >< " ...... also an A for co-cu subject and I was surprised cuz I did screwed up during few lessons...hahaha i was playing the whole time during training tho!!B+ for macro economics??wth... everyone was complaining that we were all going to fail cuz we can barely hear what the lecture was mumbling and he barely teaches us... amen for tat!! hahahaha...... but screw finance paper tho! tough like shit!!! hahahaha

note: I have amazing people in my life,

and

I can't imagine going a day without talking to them in some way.

last but not least i need tonnes of new clothes...!

wonder what's underneath?

2011-02-25T16:26:00.003+08:00

once in a while we pass by a super drop dead gorgeous chic strolling down the mall and we're amazed by her beauty and flawless skin.guys especially!hahaha....they will get so caught up by her beauty and her looks.I'm sure many of us have seen tonnes stunning pictures of this beautiful girls in facebook,taiwan show n google images....[with super huge eyes and dollface]!but have u ever wonder how they look like in person without make up?haha after seeing this pictures,we will definitely want them to wear make up for the rest of their lives.come on....they totally don't look a like at all with the before and after make up process!super duper different"the dark circles,bad skin,eye bags,tiny eyes,square face...."gosh!that's why don't judge a book by its cover guys...haha...beauty is from within...outer beauty is just temporary and its all covered up by tonnes of chemicals which in long run destroys n ruins our face..LESS IS MORE i shall say...to sum up,make up is just for special occasion or parties.Let your face breathe as much as it could...of course without make up some girls will feel neglected by the guys and they can't seem to stop 'traffic' but go slow on it...but i've seen natural pretty face....they look much better without make up and once they put it on...hmmm they're just prettier without it on...however....there is some girls whom is not so pretty and then when they put make up on,gosh their face are to die for!prepare to get freak out cuz you would.now you know how all those pretty baby face get their wow factor?simple.more foundation,super long eye lash and lots of eyeliner and blusher!!haha

P.S:women should thank make-up for not ruining their everyday image

Men, stop eating those rotten apples! :0)

2011-02-21T12:03:00.003+08:00

Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree =)

what's next?

2011-02-15T16:37:00.007+08:00

I kinda feel like I've wasted my opportunity for not representing Malaysia to compete at the largest independent beauty and talent showcase in Asia Pacific which will be held in KOREA in JUNE!yes korea *the place that many korea's diehard fans wishes to go*....haizz.....There will be over 70 countries competing for the title and its awesome to get to know many new people and gaining tremendous experience from this pageant. However, school is more important lar... I wouldn't want to skip lecture class for 3 weeks right? So terpaksa reject lor... Lately, I've missed out tonnes of opportunities from great modeling agencies in KL, and several photoshoot in KL itself due to my final examinations,CNY and boyfriend's homecoming. Studying and taking modeling many steps further is not an easy combination because BOTH needs a lot of time and effort. So yea..... i'll take it easy for now and when I got time... i'll push myself further... For now , I'll study hard, eat hard, sleep hard and try to find time for fashion shows and photoshoots. Best of all, Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppppp and eattt!

8 years and still counting =)

2011-02-14T06:18:00.003+08:00

Happy Valentine’s Day Sweetheart ♥!

I love you all through February, not just on Valentine's Day. I knew right from the start....we had a very special bond. Our time together is a gift. You’re interesting, warm and fun! and when I need to talk and share, I'll run straight to You. We have no reason to pretend because we know each other so well from our heads to our toes... I’m thankful that you’re in my life =) Although we won't be celebrating Valentine's Day for many many years, it's okay cuz today is just another ordinary day. Thanks for trying your very best to give me everything I ever wanted. Just to have you by my side for one minute and give you a hug is all I would wish for now cuz i'm missing you so very much already.

One more day without you is one more day closer to being with you.

2011-02-11T20:08:00.003+08:00

In a blink of an eye, 3 weeks hast past without me even realizing it because I was having so much fun, laughter and craziness with him. It gets emotional knowing that he will be heading back to Moscow by this end of the week. haizzzzz........Goodbye seems so easy when I am saying it to others but it never gets easy when I have to say it to You. You coming home for this winter break was definitely the best valentine's present in advance I could ever received. it Looks like you will be leaving a day before valentine's day and we will both be having romantic candle light dinner through the webcam....haiz very poor thing but it's good enough because the few hours I spend with you....are worth the thousand hours I spend without you. I'm going to miss you like madness. no doubt. In this short period of time, we have tried to do as much fun stuff as we can possibly do together before goodbyes approaches AGAIN. We played tennis cause I love love LOVEE outdoor sports but non share the same interest as me. we played our very first archery game together. We headed to the movies after many many many months not stepping into the cinema. We jalan-jalan cari makan and we are both food lovers. We have great passion about good food and he claims that I can become a great food critic cuz I definitely have something to say *good and bad* about a particular food that I put into my mouth. hahahaha..... Today we headed to this to beautiful place. Blue skies, cool breeze, sun filtering through the trees....sweeeeeeeeeet! Not forgetting SHOPPING!almost everyday..... When you leave liau, things around here will surely be very quiet and No fun =( I will surely have dreams about you almost every nite and waking up is the worst part all the time because realizing that it was just part of a dream... Sometimes I miss you so much, I just want to rip you out of my dreams and hug you!!! Like how you wish I could be in Moscow with you....., How I wish I could be there with you too, but distance has kept us apart. Apart physically, but in spirit, you are always in my heart. No doubt. We have grown spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally, socially, and other life goals. Us From kiddos to young adults who wants and dreamss of making big bucks in the future....From lil teenagers who first laid eyes on each other and fell in love at first sight till we are Not afraid to act SILLY in front of each other.

Its sickening that so many people frequently asked us both this few similar questions:

"Don't you guys get bored of each other?" ,

"Why waste each others time when you guys are miles apart from each other?" , "

What's your secret ?",

"You still so young, why so serious?" ,

"Haiyor long way to go some more lar, Go have fun la!"

What the wrong with you guys lar??? Why should someone keep changing partners like changing underwear?? Super cheapskate man those girls or guys who frequently change partners and they think highly about themselves..They feel proud that they can tackle this person that person ....Zzzzzzz.... When you accept someone as your partner.....make sure you analyze the person from HEAD-to-Toe first before jumpping into a relationship because we want to make sure that ONE person that we chose to be with is the man or woman of our lives eternity. Because First love is always the most precious one. Not the second or third. screw all those stupid ridiculous questions lar because it's our lives AND not yours! thank you. This is human nature lar... They macam bosong jer when seeing other people happy. They just want to crush you down and when you break down.... then this humans pula act caring...Wtf?

I can't wait to see you tomorrow for the last time and I'm gonna make sure its going to be a great farewell.... Feel so emo thinking about us chatting thru the four box computer screen till midnights and it's tough shit cuz we can't convey true emotions and feelings to one another.... I just want everyday to pass by quickly so I can see you again =(

senyour,

Wherever you go, whatever you do, you know I love you ... from my heart I really do. I will be waiting, always. Whatever it takes, whatever's at stake, you know I'll be right here, right here ... always waiting for you. Time may take us apart, that's true, but I will always be there for you no matter the miles between.

Yours sincerely,

PIG

Madness is genius...

2011-01-21T23:46:00.007+08:00

Sorry for the huge break from blogging.Y'all, 2011 has been a bit of a cluster for me so far. I mean, it could be worse. I'm totally aware of that and trust me that I am thankful it hasn't been. But I do kind of feel like it's almost laughable that each week is something new. I'm not a fan of getting up and going to class. In fact, I tend to pout in the morning.

ANYWAY,.....

I Am....a nice person.

I Want...to go to tahiti island!

I Have...lots of needs n wants....

I Wish...I knew what I wanted to be when I grew grow up.
I Hate...traffic, seriously despise it.
I Fear...death.
I Hear...the dogs barking.
I Search...online for cool n adorable images....

I Wonder...when we will get married n buy a house.....

I Regret...for not following my dreams n desire.

I Love...him, my family, my friends.
I Ache...to have kids around me...

I Always...eat

I Usually...wear t-shirt

I Am Not...confident in myself.
I Dance...when i'm happy.

I Sing...at the top of my lungs in my room,

I Never...care much about being gorgeous n sexy.

I Rarely...drink coffee

I Cry...when I am really irritated and frustrated.
I Am Not Always...a friendly person. I'm timid n very shy with new surroundings n new faces....

[I live along the lines of, you are a bitch to me...then I am a bitch to you]

I Lose...it when I hear love songs n watch sad movies....

I'm Confused...about why bad things happen to wonderful people.
I Need...to be more optimistic.
I Should...be less of a people pleaser.

I can't ..... live a day without watching tv.

I adore.... ice-cream like crap!i have ice cream ALMOST everyday.

I think .... i am capable of doing things my own way...

I feel .... cold at night...i sleep with 3 blankets n a jacket.madnesss!!

I touch....things that captures my eyes.

I laugh....at silly jokes.

I step....on ants.

I drink.....soda more than water.

I eat....junk food like nobody business.

I Sleep.....after 1a.m.

I bath....when i feel like to.

I Scream....when others starts talking really loud.

I sulk....when i'm hungry

Who Are You?

to be honest....i have NTG to WRITE HERE.sighs

2011-01-14T23:06:00.003+08:00

this is the problem why i dont blog these days....cuz i have ntg to blog about...gosh,wad a bad bad blogger i am....there's practically ntg interesting happening in my same old boring routines.Just moody mornings and everyday is bad hair day for me...I wake up in the morning juz in time to bath without combing or drying my hair n rush straight to class.crap i noe.hey im running out of words here.awkwardddddddness i noe.byes

honestly....

2010-11-28T09:47:00.004+08:00

Hey everyone, I know I've been MIA lately but I'm back now.

I just needed a little bit of inspiration to hit me.

So, hi. And stuff.

I know, I know, I’m not here much lately.

But trust me, that is my gift to you.

Because if I actually DID try to write anything right now it would pretty much go like this:

blah blah EXAMS

blah blah blah KILL MYSELF

Blah Blah STRESSY boredom

BLAH SOMEONE SHOOT ME

BLAH WHERE?

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Anyway,I'm a nice mix of masculine/feminine.

I'm the woman who really should brush her hair more

and not spend half an hour in the morning staring into the fridge and the biscuit tins.

I don't spend hours putting on make up, trying to look better than what I look now XD haha.....

I can totally be whatever type of woman I want to be.

right now i'm the woman who feels like i'm playing dress up when i put on make up and heels.

I hate getting up early so I never will be that girl who gets up an hour early just to fix her makeup and curl her hair.

I wish I were one of those women who get up at 6am,

go to the gym, shower and arrive at class impossibly fresh.

I roll out of bed 20 minutes before I'm supposed to be at campus,

eating breakfast with my eyes closed,

arrive 10 minutes late every goddamn day,

and spend the evening on the couch.

Not one of my nails are the exact same length because I'm the type of woman that bites her nails when she gets stressed - which is often.

I own more flip flops than actual shoes ^^

Every time I try to buy proper perfume I always come home with cotton candy body spray...

i'm the type of woman who has clothing with cartoon and large wordings on it. like...a lot.

I still call my mom about everything.

If a button falls off my favorite sweater? I Call mom.

How the hell long do I steam the corn? Call mom.

How do I know if eggs are going bad? Call mom.

so....What kind of woman are you?

Being A woman sounds exhausting,huh?

Being someone you aren't is even worst!

Being yourself is so much more fun and exciting.

A WOMAN...she doesn't need to rock tight clothing to prove she's sexy or feminine,

she doesn't have to rock paint and glossy lips to prove she's a lady,

she doesnt need a closet full of 3-4inch stilettos to prove she's all woman!!

because a real woman doesn't need much to showcase she's all woman.

so....ladies don't ever feel the need to be the chick in music videos or in magazines because I guarantee ya its alot of men out here that Loves a real woman VS a made up one!!

No need to be materialistic and so concerned about "VANITY" because in the real world all a real man want and need is a real woman!

sheesh......We as women need to stop competing with each other,

stop being bitchy,

keep our cool,

and spend less time in the bathroom and more time outside.

We need to communicate with each other in a true and

heartfelt way to realize that we are a family.

....could be worse I suppose....

I miss my younger me...

2010-11-10T10:58:00.006+08:00

I looked down at my hands today

I realized I don't have little kid hands anymore,

my hands have signs of work in them,

my veins are visible and my fingers are long like my Mother's[actually mine's even longer]

I always loved her hands and remember looking at my little girl hands

wishing they weren't so small.....

weren't so stumpy,

I wanted elegant hands to put pretty rings on

and nails long enough for French manicures.

I don't know when it happened but today my hands belonged to a woman,

they didn't belong to a little girl anymore

and it made me miss being young with my whole body....

It made me miss everything about it,the curiosity,the innocence.

I miss clutching to my Daddy's hands that were so much bigger than mine,

that protected and took care of me.

I miss swinging all of my body weight on one grip.

I miss picking out dresses and patent leather shoes that you could see your reflection in.

I miss licking the all the frosting off the tops of cupcakes,

I miss picking dandelions and crushing the yellow petals between my delicate tiny little fingers.

I miss thinking a vanilla ice cream cone was the best thing in the whole world,

and that chicken noodle soup could really cure anything or a kiss would make anything feel better..I miss when I didn't know what it felt like to miss somebody,

and I was just excited to see someone I loved at the end of the day.

When I didn't know the feeling of sorrow,or hearts falling when I didn't know that not everyone in the world is kind and open.

When I assumed "good" was always the outcome

and if someone "promised" that was enough of a contract.

I miss sticking my tongue out at strangers,making strange noises and throwing temper in public.

I miss being connected to myself enough to cry when I was sad.

When being analytical,calculated,and manipulative weren't a means to get what you wanted,

but a simple "please" would do.

The times when I was conscious of saying my "thank you's" and "excuse me's."

I miss when I was supposed to have a sense of wonder,

and people wouldn't warn that soon I would be "hardened" I miss softness.

Blankies,and stuffed animals!

I miss bedtimes and birthday parties,crushed Goldfish and "snack time."

Bad hair and purple nail polish.

When I didn't have to be accountable.

When the only fear I knew was that of the dark.

When the perfect vacation was one that involved people in costumes with pink cheeks,

and parades.

"Play dates" over real ones.

Before insecurity and awareness,before anxiety and doubt,

before I knew anything about my body and I used it as a means to live in

....skip,stretch,climb, and ride bikes.

I miss when guilt, lack, regret, or disappointment weren't emotions that existed to me.

I miss when love was really unconditional,

when faith just was,

and security always meant Mom and Dad.

When I look at my hands I'm proud of them,

I like that they look like my Mom's,

that they move quickly and have strength,

I just wish that they could have stayed young,

that I could have stayed young...a little bit longer....

but I'm reaching my twenties by next year.sigh :(

it's aint easy being cheesy

2010-11-08T21:08:00.004+08:00

i know i haven't posted anything exciting or interesting lately.
for that, i apologize.
i'm feeling uninspired
and confused about the direction i want this blog to be heading in.

.. you're shopping at your favorite store
and you're in the clearance section. duh.
and you're looking for a cute cardigan
because it's always cold in your class.

then you find the cardigan
and it's on the 50% off clearance rack.
and you're excited.
but you keep looking around.
and then you see this skirt.
a skirt you've never seen before
at any target, on any rack,
especially not on a clearance rack.
and it's SO pretty.
you love it.
but it's only 30% off.
the price tag says RM99

it's not that great of a deal,
but you love that skirt.
eventually, you leave with just the cardigan.
a cute cardigan that you'll wear often.
3 days later,
you can't stop thinking about
that skirt!
you can't believe you didn't get that skirt.

you don't know how you'll wear it.

or where you'll wear it.

all you can think about is that
you need that skirt.
so you look online.
it's not there.
is there any chance that the skirt
is still on that clearance rack?
what's a girl to do?!

To a wonderful Little Man.

2010-11-08T00:49:00.009+08:00

Happy 19th Birthday,my gorgeous,wonderful,and ever-so-special sweetie!

I hope your day is filled with joy,laughter and sunshine!

You make me smile when you laugh and when you get silly...

I couldn't be more proud to have you as a person in my life (:

I Miss and Love you to pieces.

I love you dearly! :-)

We were just kids when we were together.What did we know?

Well,I suppose I'm more of a realist.I love my hubs.Don't get me wrong.

But our six years together have certainly been anything but awesomeness.
Long distance. Disappointments. Stress.

But there have also been beautiful moments.

Moments of joy.Moments of happiness and laughter.

Moments that can be enjoyed and appreciated only after one has endured

those less than stellar days....

I am missin my main squeeze.my hunka hunka big daddy!!

Just sayin...I miss you so very much.!!

come home...Quick ! ^^

Thank you for always bringing a smile to my face.

Whether it be your goofy actions or the witty lyrics you campur aduk into a particular song,

you always know how to turn my frown upside down.

Thank you for always going beyond my expectations and showing me to never give up.

Happy 19th,huns.Thanks for sharing this perfectly imperfect life with me ^^

I needed to come and sit.And Write.

2010-11-02T05:47:00.009+08:00

I feel I should introduce myself again, ummmm, Hi!
I'm Renee and this here is my bloggie blog.

it has been FOREVER since I've written.

Since I'm up at 5am this morning....actually hoping to chat with sherman on msn but I supposed he dozed off early cuz he usually sleeps at 2am burning the midnight oil,so,since I've on the PC....let me just update my blog ba...gosh how time actually flies like a bullet train!Now I've already started semester 2 which is rather boring.It's just so sad and frustrating knowing that every morning I wake up....another day without you around.My heartaches so badly knowing that it will be months n months till we meet again and how I wish I can see you right now.You make everything okay when you're around me.you make everything seems so easy and fun when you're there.Thanks to today's technology we are able to communicate as often as we want but the 5 hours time difference stands in our way but with determination and will....ntg stands in our way.No one says distanced relationship will be easy and yes it is tough but the tougher it gets the stronger we become.We can give nothing to each other since we are thousand miles away but the love and care is all we have to offer.We're positively looking forward to see each other every year and hopefully God makes everything smooth and purfectly fine for him abroad.I miss your company so badly lar...the perfect person who would play games n outdoor sports with me since we both have a huge passion for outdoor games,sports and not forgetting FOOD!hahaha.gosh I've became so skinny when you are not around....lost kilos when u left m'sia.No one would bring me out for fancy dining and buy me all those sweet dessert for the time being.haiz....You owe me 50 cones of ice-cream,50 cupcakes,50 sticks of satay celup,50 packets of sour cream chips and the list goes on lar....I miss you so frickin' bad lar and sayang u.

Busier than a busy bee

2010-10-19T20:47:00.002+08:00

Most people thought I wasn't much of a dog person,and they used to be right.I do love animals, don't get me wrong,......I just loved them more when they weren't jumping or licking me and loved them best from a distance.hahaha

A simple life that is full of love.

2010-10-17T12:58:00.005+08:00

I got out of the shower last night and was greeted by the mirror staring back at me.

I tousled my hair.

I turned to the side.

I moved closer.

Ech.

I moved farther away.

I wished I could Picnik airbrush away all of my flaws.

I know good and well that nobody out there is perfect,

but it doesn't stop a girl from wishing.
I wished my hair were perfectly bouncy and pinned back pretty,

my skin were porceline and pure,

my eyelashes were thick and curled

,my body were thinner,longer, stronger

and my chipped nails were filed,buffed and perfectly pink...or purple...or blue.

I sighed,threw on pajamas and moisturized my tired skin.

I crawled in bed and flipped through the pages of a magazine.

As I layed there watching the pretty faces and perfect bodies dance across the pages.....

I asked myself,"Why are people so obsessed with celebrities/models?

They're just people."

I thought for a moment and then answered...

"I don't know."

& I'm not sure I do.

We're all flawed...

and I guess that's kind of beautiful.

I've been busy lately.I find myself making lots of lists.

Sometimes lists make me feel better and sometimes they just overwhelm me

& make me feel worse.

But even in those overwhelmed moments,

I think lists are a necessary evil.

Sometimes I like an old school list(like if I need to get a bunch of things done in one day)

juz another random post.

2010-10-13T20:51:00.005+08:00

I have been a bad blogger.I dun seem to find anything interesting to blog about.My class starts next monday and I'm so sad that the two weeks holiday has flown by so quickly!dammit la cuz I still haven't enjoy to the max!Studying life is so boring and sometimes can be quite hectic n crazy with those assignments,midterms,quizzes and finals!haizzzzzzzz....life is so short when we look at a wide angle...we spend half of our lives in school then another half in our working lives.Sometimes,we are running out of ideas in making our lives interesting and worthwhile.What else shud I crap about here ar???running out of words le.hahahaha.Lets talk about heels and fashion shall we?I'm crazy about killer heels and chio clothings!the more bling there is....the better it gets!I am juz amazed at their beauty and elegance.It's juz esquisive lar.hahahaha but I don't actually put them on cuz I'm not that girly kinda girl.I prefer a simple T-shirt and boy's pants cuz its more comfy,more macho and easier to do things with those outfits.I'm a very flexible person actually.I don't mind playing in mud/walking in the rain/putting on a hideous outfit.I'm quite determined towards the things I have set my goals on and I'll make sure I get it done or else I will have trouble sleeping for days.hahahaha.I'm suck at breaking the ice cuz I'm more of the shy shy type when it comes to unfamiliar faces.I can barely even look at my friends eyes when i speak to them cuz I dont even noe lar.And screw my eyes sight.I have been walking passed so many people that I kenal without greeting them although I stared directly into their eyes!arghhhhhhhhh.Truth is I stare into you but I see NOTHING but juz a blur figure ><" but the people will salah faham and think I show off....It's not that I don't want to put my spects on but I'm so used to not wearing my spects and my eyes get super pain + migrain after quite some time when i wear it.haizzzzzzz.i tried contact lenses so many times and I failed to wear it too!!I just wear those contacts for one hour n my eyes can go buta u noe?!so red and painful sial.....i wonder how those chics can put it on for hours n hours !!!!hahahaha.so weirddd le.Nvm lor.maybe i'm not meant to be girly girly kinda girl so I'll stick to my macho style which is so me.ok la.enuff of crap here.wan go watch tv jor,bye bye...

note:renee is so lame especially in person.Don't even bother knowing her.she will kill you with her boredness and lameness.Plus her *never talk so much* attitude...worsen the atmosphere!hahahaha.renee is a crazy sweet lover and she have this crazy looking bag filled with food (fried bihun,mee goreng,nasi lemak,chocolate,CNY/hari raya/deepavali/x-mas leftovers cookies n cakes/sweets/cupcakes,all kinda bread...you juz name it *kaya,peanut,vanilla,raisin,butter,choco,sausage,tuna,otak,etc*,fried chicken,and god knows wad else lar.hahahaha.she eats in class,inside the toilet,in the library anywhr u name it!hahahahaha.told u she's weird n sometimes show NO emotion towards anything.wakakakaka

=)

2010-10-12T15:52:00.006+08:00

Dear Shermie,

Four months! Wow. How did that happen?! It seems like only yesterday we were hanging out and now you are thousand miles away from M'sia. Gosh...I miss you so freaking bad. It stinks that we are only able to see each other from the teeny weeny webcam screen *sighs*. We can barely even talk on the phone for 5 minutes due to the expensive distance calls. I rmbr I tried calling you last time and 1 minute can cost up to RM3! gosh I can barely even share with you how my day was cuz 5 minutes my credit also empty jor. I just know that distance isn't a barrier that will stop us from being together.The distance make us strong and less dependent on each other.As I was growing up...I was always very dependent on you cuz you were always there to pick me up when I fall and it was tough at first but right now.....I'm adapting to my new environment. I need someone to coach me and play wid me outdoor sports cuz I love outdoors but I never seem to meet anyone with the same interest as me but you.As we know...these days kids damn lemah lembut and scared of the sun * puteri/putera lilin konon* You were always so active in every game and you are just the purfect person to coach me. I used to work out at the gym carrying weighs and you were always there to teach me the right things but now....i seem to be doing all this activities alone,by myself which I personally love it cuz I'm the type whom can't get along wid anyone so I rather be alone. I don't believe in hanging out wid a big group cuz i just hate the caos and the gossiping. I don't believe in best frens too. I just think there is no sucha a thing as friends forever.Ada ke benda karut macam tu?okay maybe frens till few years but at the end of the day.....friends also have their own stinky life la and everyone wil move their own way. I believe in *till death do us apart*. I read tonnes of real life stories where the elderly married couples loved each other till the day they died and it's really touching when you read their love poems that they compose for one another. I'm so glad we are doing this together and I'm supporting you in everything tat you do and may god bless you thru the ups n downs.

blah

2010-10-05T12:38:00.006+08:00

Hi everyone!!I miss you and blogging terribly and wanted to give you a quick update on what's been going on with me.When it comes to blogging...I tend to have nothing to type about but the truth is MY Life has been a roller-coaster up to now,the twists and turns,the ups and downs and eventually the stop at the end.hahahaha.First and foremost,I don't really understand why so many people actually take facebook and blogs stuff so seriously.come on!can't a girl just have some fun and freedom on watever crap she wants to spill?GEeesh!
Yea the truth is I'm a rebellious lil brat.I do not follow rules and regulations.I rather do things my own way.I hate people bossing me around and telling me what's right or wrong.So just shut the fuck up and do your own thing and let me do mine.This way...both parties are happy.I will never get a job well done when you ask me to,instead if you don't tell me/order me to do it....I will secretly do the job till it's perfectt!weird rite?thatz just plain old me.I love making my parents angry so I purposely/unintentionally do the things they hate and do the things they love me to do behind their backs.I'm sucha freak but wat the hell.I hate people who brags about how good and how great they are.Wtf lar.who the hell are you to judge your ownself lar?I am just talking in general and NOt actually directing this to anyone so pls don't be an asshole and take blogging so seriously.That's why I hate blogging stuff cuz PEOPLE just take things so seriously.if you are a control freak,I begged you to stop that shit cuz you are just making yourself look like a fifty year old person!Omg yes I don't usually talk that much shit but this crap has been inside me for a long period of time.juz gotta let it go!I usually sit alone at the corner,juz observing the crowd and I just hate girls/guys who walks and gang up in a group and can't stop bad mouthing people's stuff.Girls who blocks the effin toilet mirror just to fix their make up simply gets on my nerve too!And I hate ppl asking me about my stuff or wateva I'm up to cuz dammit can't you just mind your own blardy business???yes I'm a LONER by choice and I hate crowds or People hanging onto me cuz it gets on my blardy damn nerve but i never show it out.When I don't speak to you...you better get miles away from me or else....I'll make a voodoo doll of YOU out of garbage and sand and rusting needles poking thru ur throat.

I'm the NEW kid & I'm renovating my life.

2010-10-04T11:29:00.004+08:00

This has been a seriously LONG week.

I woke up this morning and all I could think was WOW....I'm so incredibly grateful for this brilliant,beautiful life that I live in.

Lately,I've been running my mind into the ground,

overly exhausted and mentally strained....

I haven't had the time to just BREATHE,

or enjoy all of the incredible things that are right at my fingertips.

I'm hardly inspired to blog.

This past week,I was tested- hardcore.tested.

So.I want nice things.There....I said it.
I want to be able to buy unnecessary items like men's trimmer,

and Gingerbread shaped baking tins.

But more importantly,I want to be able to LIVE.

Live my life,cross off lists,live bountifully not BLEAKLY.

So,let me sum up the awesomeness:

I'm back-eight pounds bigger,

more hot-headed than ever

Burning up,anger and fire coming out of my nose.

I'm in a world of pure imagination

being alone is the best way to be.

--------------------------------------------------------

Life isn't cereal.It's not that simple.

WHAT TO DO DO WITH MYSELF,ISN'T CEREAL.

We don't always know.We don't have "that GUT instinct.

"Our heart doesn't always "guide our way."
It is possible to have the answer and the question,

the yes and the no,existing as one.Conflicted much?

Yes.

..........More stories to come later.

Hi Sunday,I've never been so happy to see you.Let's make out.

2010-10-03T08:27:00.003+08:00

I just wanted to take time and apologize to all of you for the long silence.I have been studying hard.I haven't posted anything for quite a long time now and I am really sorry about that.There are few things I needed to sort out and quite frankly updating my blog was the last thing in mind.Time flies when,well,you've been going through a lot.

note:GLEE!If you're not watching,you should.It's one of the smartest scripts on television.
You should watch for Sue Sylvester's one liners alone.

I will try to be here more often,and keep you posted on my daily NOT SO COOL AND RATHER BORING activities.

xoxo,

renee (:

i miss u

2010-09-26T10:30:00.002+08:00

I’m really at a loss as to what I should be doing,perhaps because my mind is clouded by emotion.

patience is the key to every woman's heart ^^

2010-08-29T19:14:00.004+08:00

you would sit for hours....patiently waiting for me,without making one single complaint.....is enuff to melt my heart to stone.I've never come across before such person like you before darl.I will miss your company : * (
I would miss your love,laughter,humor,jokes,motivation,inspiration and etc....I wish you could be here for me and I wish I could be there for you too....however,place and time is not on our side:(

Thanks for the craziness!!

2010-08-25T18:33:00.006+08:00

Tomorrow will probably be my last time seeing you before u depart frm m'sia.Arghhh gonna miss u so very much!!!basically sayang....I'm so blessed n thankful for all the time spent with you and for all the pampering that you've given to me.Thanks for everything from the biggest to the tiniest sacrifice (: Thanks for cycling and running miles for me!you would cycle all the way to my house just to have a glance or two at me!tho you are physically,mentally & emotionally exhausted from your head to your teeny weeny toes but you're stil standing so strong as a person.Thanks for all the useful advice and guidance that you've shown me.Thanks for the chaos *in a good way*.Thanks for feeding me such awesome food and thanks for gaining my weight another extra 15 pounds =) thanks for everything la sayang.

I'm gonna miss you so very much!

2010-08-22T09:15:00.003+08:00

the days when we were separated a THOUSAND miles away seems to pass by very slowly and I remember those days where I would slash off every single day in my calendar......hoping the day where you were able to return home gets closer and closer!!The time spent with you right now is just so limited and there's so many things I wish I can do with you before you go abroad for another year again.However,time is not on our side since you'll be leaving M'sia next week =......( Time seems to be going faster when you're around me and that's sickening because as everyday that passes by,I knew the day where you have to leave m'sia was approaching.For the past one month and a half time spent with you,I've gained back all my bubbly and happy side in me.I used to be very emotional and sad when YOU left bcuz It's YOU who spend most of your time with me when we were growing up into a teenager.I was lost and alone when you were away.we've both missed out a lot on each other for the past one year and being able to even have a glance on you means so much to me.We are running out of time and seeing you every single day just makes my day so bright and joyful.I'm gonna miss the pampering,attention,comfort,love,kindness,and basically everything that you've done for me for the past six years with you.It's crazy thinking how long our journey is going to be but we believe with love and affection,strength and strong will power we'll hopefully walk down the aisle together.*amen*.....You told me I was beautiful and even though a few people tell me that,I think you're the only one who really meant it.For you were the only one who really took the time to look =)I know when you leave,the distance will keep us apart but distance,no matter how far,can't change these feelings in my heart.We are forced to separate for some time, but sayang,don't be sad,for it's just a test of true love (: I wish you all the best in your future endeavours and I wish you well on all journeys you partake in life.Have a safe journey and I'll be waiting for you with my arms wide open okays?^^ I may not get to see you as often as I like.I may not get to hold you in my arms all through the night but deep in my heart I truly know, you're the one that I love and I can't let you go.Thank you for everything sweetheart :D

Love you yesterday,love you still,always have,always will =)

note:If you really love someone,put their name in a circle,not a heart!!

Because a heart can easily be broken but a circle goes on forever ^^

Open your heart.

2010-08-14T00:04:00.002+08:00

You learn that life isn’t always fair and you don’t always get what you think you deserve and you stop personalizing every loss or disappointment.You learn to accept that sometimes bad things happen to good people and that these things are not an act of "God"......but merely a random act of fate.And you stop looking for guarantees because you’ve learned that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected and that whatever happens,you’ll learn to deal with it....

In order to start,we must make a decision.

2010-08-04T16:14:00.002+08:00

Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect.

It is this fragile thread that binds us to each other.

So I've made the switch to tumblr....

2010-08-01T03:34:00.002+08:00

I'm using tumblr now to blog.
http://according2renee.tumblr.com/

The randomness going on inside my head today!

2010-07-30T22:44:00.002+08:00

Beauty is not in the face,beauty is a light in the heart.
P.S. Have a fantastic weekend everyone!!

I miss him a WHOLESTINKINLOT.

2010-07-23T11:42:00.003+08:00

we had a blast for the Past Few Weeks (:

couldn't ask for more.....wouldn't settle for less.

insanity!

2010-07-17T11:34:00.003+08:00

I don't know if it's totally a true story but

the pictures tell a lot about what's going on in there....

when you see the first picture,

you think how amazing the place is like it's a miracle of nature,

but as you move on you face the reality!

there's no miracle and it has nothing to do with the climate or something!

it's just another stupid scene...

well,there's this queer celebration which is held every single year in Feroe Island,DENMARK. and the purpose of it is the fact that teenagers prove themselves to be adults by hunting and killing hundreds or thousands of Calderon dolphins!

and people attend that celebration all around just to have fun and to see what's going on.

and they do nothing to stop it!

yeah,it is some kind of a ceremony that teens step into maturity.

but I couldn't decide what is mature after I saw the view....

it really made me sick!

and as you can imagine,Calderon dolphins are so close to extinction because of a god awful understanding....so here you can see how disgraceful and dishonorable the act is..

I'll leave it to your judgement:

can you blardy believe it??
i still can't!!

my jaw drops ^_*

2010-07-16T11:26:00.009+08:00

You knew it was gonna happen sooner or later that I would do a Twilight post.

However,this one's got a little spice.
I rarely (if ever) mention risque topics on my blog.

But let me tell you,these images of K. Stewart and R. Pattinson have me all hot and bothered.
Seriously,someone please break it down,

give me the equation that makes these two (together) ooze sex appeal.

These are some of the most lustful images I've seen.

Agree or disagree (Team Edward or Team Jacob),

you can't deny these. are. Hot. Mmmmmmm.

Will one (or more) of you lovely readers confirm that these two

are indeed quite appealing together?

Surely,I don't stand alone.

thanks for sticking around somehow.....

love you all.....and hope y'all are doing fine..
What are you doing this weekend?

If I could have my way,

I would love to run along the beach and have a splash in the water!!

have a kickass weekend,

XOXO,

RENEE (:

I feel pretty good.

2010-07-12T20:28:00.003+08:00

I am beginning to discover that things don't come easily to me in life.I am SO fortunate for having a wonderful family,a caring sweetheart and an amazing group of friends.Not to mention a roof over my head,a car to drive,and food to eat.I have to constantly remind myself of these fortunes....especially when I am prone to bad luck.

If I was an emoticon...
right now,
I'd be this:

AND.....

Sometimes,
for no reason whatsoever,
a girl just needs…

chocolate (:

For once in my life I have no words.
no thoughts...
no creativity...
It scares me and I'm feeling a little lost.
I'm going to take a break from the blogging world.
Maybe for a week,Maybe longer.
I will leave you with some Puzzles from DashBoard Confessional.

Peace Out fellas ^^

I am officially weak in the knees by YOU (:

2010-07-08T09:28:00.004+08:00

Ahem.
Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

I have a most extremely important fantabulous announcement to make...
The trailer for the twilight saga 'Eclipse' are in cinemas today!
My. Oh. My. So today is Thursday....
What am I doing you ask?
Oh,I'm heading to gsc later^^
Whoop Whoop.

So many exciting things...
I have been creating lately.
Ahhh!
I feel like it has been so long since I have been able to open up my mind.
Also on another happy note
Shermie's back for the holidays.
we have Sooooo much to catch up on =)
Oh my.I miss you so much and I don't know what to say.
one year has passed and I'm glad you're back tho it's for a short period of time.
Will update more soon.

I must have one of these babies!!

2010-07-05T13:51:00.007+08:00

I'm in the process of getting a pair of these babies!
The colours are so vibrant and alive!

ARGH!!

Love em' all!!

All things cherish (:

2010-07-03T17:43:00.004+08:00

Oh My!!
Time has flown by once again!
One big bloggity mess!!!

So much to talk about...
Ahhh!!
It's all smiles around here.
:)))))

At this moment,I am me!

Chaos and contention can't penetrate my walls.
I feel Peace.

So lately life has been a little random.
Daily activities bring never ending surprises.
Lots of giggles and excitement.
Pretty amazing if you ask me.
:)

But whatever does happen next...
(in the words of Martha Stewart)
"It's a good thing."
No more losing myself in others.
I am me.Myself. and Only I.
I want to give myself new challenges...
Help me!Challenge me!
:)
note:I am growing.I am learning.I am becoming stronger.Changes are beginning.New adventures are blossoming.I am happy.Genuinely happy =)

To tell u the truth,I've juz been avoiding everything.

2010-06-30T15:45:00.005+08:00

why do we chase after the impossibles when we have the possibles awaits us??why am I so stupid?why don't I take risk?I think I'm afraid of being happy because everytime I'm happy,something bad always happens.I've learned that it takes years to build up trust,but only seconds to destroy it.That is why I never seem to trust someone that quickly.Sometimes I wish I could just be a little kid again.So when life gets tough you can just play pretend.I wanna go back to when Santa did exist.When your daddy was the only boy you ever kissed.When Disney World was the best place to be.When the only movies you could see were rated G.When your biggest problem was learning to write your name and people didn't change...and your friends were the same.And every time you were sad or you had a bad day. You could just run to mommy and it would all be okay.I wanna go back to no hurt...and no pain...just laughter.When everyone always lives happily ever after.I'm just afraid of taking chances and I'm so lost right now.I don't even know what I want,what to do,what to say and where to go.I wanna get lost from my life sometimes,sit on the side and watch the world go by,I wanna get lost and I don't know why.I just don't feel like I know myself very well right now,so how can I be sure about anything? Most of the time I feel so awkward,you know,like I don't belong in my own skin,I get frustrated at everything,I could just scream and there's no reason for it,I just hate myself.

dont be afraid to be who U want to be.

2010-06-28T13:23:00.005+08:00

Changes is always scary but knowing you have the backbone to hold yourself up during the tough times makes it easy.Having the support system you know you need,makes everything worth it.No matter how hard,how stressful or how frightening it may all seem,knowing that they are behind you to catch you when you feel like you're going to fall is worth all the risks we take.Have you ever looked at someones life and just wished you had it as easy as them?everything seems to just fall into place for them and nothing bad ever happens?ya I've done the same thing.except now,I know that those people have just as many fears and insecurities as us "normal" people do.They are much better at hiding them or are the kind of people that think their whole life needs to appear perfect and by no means can any of their problems or indiscretions be told to other people.I am quite the opposite.I tend to just tell people everything because I find my life always moves so much smoother when I don't have anything to "hide".

NOTE:Don't let someone else try to control you and your decisions.Don't let fear take away something that could make you happier than you could imagine.Easier said than done but hey,the light bulb was not made on the first try.It takes time but if you really want it nothing should hold you back.including your insecurities (:

Saving the Best for Last...(fingers crossed)

2010-06-28T10:13:00.004+08:00

What do you do when you have a relationship that is just being held together by one little thread??
You are at different points in your lives.
You don't have the same goals.
It's a struggle to find commonality.
And when that thread is tested and pulled tighter than ever before what happens??
Do you let it snap & say ef it?
Do you get out the clear nail polish and try to fix it?
Do you just bless & release?

It's best to be at a point of bless & release.I personally think that it is best to set the relationship back out to the sea of time.If something was meant to be for you,it will be =) If not,you will always have the memories.People come and go in your life.....For now,I love where I am and the people that come and go in my life.....If you read this,wow,thank you.Sorry for starting the week off with this kind of post.But I'm not sorry for being real.That's how it goes though, isn't it.

Thank you.God bless ya'all.

current fashion obsession

2010-06-26T08:43:00.004+08:00

I just have to get one of these.I have become obsessed with floppy hats because it's simply gorgeous(:I am stalking the perfect one.For once,I am glad to have long super curly hair.Great look for this hat!haha

Rugged, but chic, do you agree?

I really like this one,not floppy enough though.

P.S. I have to admit,I have loved having the me time lately,a few minutes of peace,

just me and my thoughts (:I'm remaining a bit of a mystery for now.I'm doing fine,it's takes a bit of adjusting,but I'm getting there.

Thyroid Madness!

2010-06-25T07:40:00.009+08:00

I don't know enough about anything to preach to anyone,

I don't have enough life experience to make assumptions about love,

about what it means and what it does to us.

but I've caught on recently,to something.

through a series of painful realizations,it's started to make an odd sort of sense.

not real sense,but the crazy,uninhibited sort of sense that only love can make.

I've realized that everything we make ourselves do,

everything we put ourselves through,there's no reason for it.

the things we say,

the places we go to on dates,

the pda,

the hand holding,

the little notes,

we only do these things because that's all we know of love.

that's what we've seen on television and read about in books.

that's the kind of love that we've been taught,is real.

but it's only action.

and actions might speak louder than words,but feeling means more than action.

it's like a twisted game of rock-paper-scissors.

I know that these things often do accompany real love......

because if you're in love,you WANT to hold his hand.

you want to leave a little note in his jacket pocket for his mom to find in the wash a week later, give to him,and know he's thinking of you.

you want to smell him,

you want him to hold you

tell you that you're perfect just the way you are.

you want to kiss him and make him feel good.

you want to listen to the music he listens to,

just in the hopes that it will help you understand him better.

you want to talk to his dog,and help his mom clean up in the kitchen,

talk sports with his dad.

you want to know everything.

you want to put his needs ahead of your own,

and you want to do it all so that he KNOWS you love him.

but doing it when you're legitimately in love isn't playing by the rules.

because in love,there are no rules.

no one to tell you that you're doing it wrong,not even yourself.....

because to worry and nit pick over the small things is to look back.

and love means not looking back.

love means holding him,and being afraid.....

because you could lose him at any moment,

but that fear is what keeps you hanging on.

in love,anything goes,and that's okay!!

that's what is so beautiful about it (:

is love fear?I don't think so.

but what do I know?I think I'm falling in love with HIM.

It feels good (:

I've never been so sure of anything.It's like,I've finally come to understand the difference between dread and fear,and those nervous butterflies that everyone keeps talking about.You want to know how I know?Because when I'm with you,I feel those butterflies fluttering around inside of me.But they don't make me want to run the other direction,like the fear has done before.If anything,they make me want to press myself as close as I can to you-face to face, heartbeat to heartbeat,because when I do that,the butterflies quiet their wings for a bit and they let me feel you.Feel all of you.And it's in those moments that I realize that the fear I feel is only surface level.It's the kind of fear you feel right before you turn on a bright light after hours of being in the dark.....just a few seconds before you open your eyes to see something so beautiful, something you couldn't see before.

For the first time in my life,I don't want to run away.I want to be with you(:

P.S. ok lovelies.....a few things for you.remember how a while back I posted about how I needed some new clothes..?well...I did it.last wednesday I indulged at Jusco {J CARD members' Day} and I'm a little sad cuz I'm broke right now!to be honest,I usually don't go to the movie theater that much....{even though it's a free ticket}I enjoy watching movies in the comfort of my own home=)I love my heart.I think I give it away too easily,and I share too much of it,and sometimes this means I get hurt…but I love deeply,and I care immensely,and I would truly go to the ends of the Earth for my friends and I wouldn’t have it any other way.I am amazed at how incredible I feel after doing something as simple as saying a cheerful “hello!”to a stranger on the street on my way to class,and I love being able to make someone else smile,even if it’s for the silliest little reason!!Loving can cost AAAAA lot,but not loving will always cost you more.So when in doubt… errRRMmmm on the side of love...okies??Until then...happy weekend,all.I promised you I'd be back.And whew,am I exhausted!

note:Love is something wonderful,so they say.And I've trusted them,until right now.

Humble happenings.

2010-06-16T20:31:00.007+08:00

This week has been intense.

This week is the second week of my semester.

There are plenty of things to settle.

I'm proud to say that 'I'm not on probation anymore' but sad case....cos my younger sis just passed her driving test.wth man!!so yeah...the [P] sticker will be on car windscreen for another 2 blardy years =(

Why lar so many ppl's birthday falls on june?some more father's day is this sunday[waiseh there's a hole in my pocket]

2 weeks ago while I was eating at the roadside stall all by myself:

Me:*Enjoying my food,enjoying the cool breeze & staring into the distance*

Girl:*Driving really slow,sticking her head out the window,she glanced in my direction and she kept looking back at me.*

Me:*look around me*.I realized that I was the only customer eating at that very moment.

Girl:She made a U-turn at a junction and stopped her car right in front of the table that I was sitting at.She walked towards me and spoke nicely in chinese.{excuse me miss....you understand chinese??}

Me:I was stunned so I simply said No.haha...so she spoke to me in english.LOL

Girl:Have you ever done modeling & catwalk?

Me:*nods*

Girl:I'm a hair stylists and I need a female model for a hair competition & show and I will pay you Rm1500++ if you don't mind being my model.But the problem is I will be cutting your hair really short [something like rihanna's bob hairstyle]

Me:Huh???But.....I don't like short hair wor =(

Girl:Hmm you really don't want ar???Rm 1500++ also you don't want ar??

Me:Sooowiee but my love my hair so very much.

Girl:Nvm lar but if you change your mind than come to the saloon and look for me okay =)

Me:*smiles*...Later on when I got home and I told my mum,she suggested that I give it a shot coz she says that my hair was always long since I was a lil child and it would be great if I give it a change.But the stubborn side of me is begging me not to cut off my precious hair.haha...so yeah....there goes the offer and the MONEY!Lol

Anyways,I hate that every time in an assignment or project,I'm always elected to be the leader[waiseh emotionally,physically drained man!!]

" it's like a heavy burden weighing on my shoulder " =(

assignments are piling up and it's only the second week of the semester.haizzzzzz!!

I'm happy to say that I'm in the cheerleading & photography club.I'm thinking of joining the Judo and squash club too!I used to be in the pingpong club till I'm sick of it cuz I was the ONLY female wei[malu sial...all males only]I was also in the anima club till i realized that this club wasn't fun at all.I wanted to be in the christian fellowship but than their meetings clashes with my timetable so yea...probably next time ba (:

Signing off now!!byeeeeeeeeeeeeee

chit chat

2010-06-13T10:16:00.009+08:00

well hello lovers!gotta make this a quickie.
I don't have an eloquent post today.
no deep thoughts
no words of encouragement
no funny stories
just my thoughts first thing this morning....

"frozen Ice-cream"!!

a simple top tucked into a pair of shorts plus a cute cardigan!!

below:Who said one-piece suits are frumpy?
I'm digging this one.

not forgetting.....
"the hot stuff"....{it's getting hot in here duncha think so?}
I am here to save the day and
give you some of that yummy eye candy you may be missing out on:

Lucas Till is so freakin' adorable!

You are welcome, you are very welcome people:)

Is it alright if we can just cuddle up and chat for a bit?It is seriously my favorite thing to do.Grabbing coffee with a good friend or snuggling with my mom while she is watching her favourite tv show and bugging him,him making me laugh, make my days so bright and happy (:
There has been so much going on lately that I haven't had to blog or do other activities that are on my to-do list.But don't ever feel like you're just running to catch up all the time?My room is a mess and my mind is just as cluttered and I just want to chit chat with you all about something things on my mind.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I just kind of closed myself off to everyone while some things have been going on in my life.It's not to intentionally withdraw,or to hurt anyone's feelings or to be secretive for any reason other than my own thoughts.Have you ever wanted something so badly it hurt?Have you ever been on the edge of something so incredible and feeling no fear at all it take the leap? Yep,that is pretty much where I am at. Normally I would be writing down every single detail and details about those details...but for now nothing. To anyone. Because. Kind of a hard thing to do when I just feel like I am going to burst with emotions about the possibilities. So for now...I just need to make a big wish.What does a girl need to do to make a wish?Do we blow out our birthday candles?Should we look for shooting stars,or wish on the first one we see?Should we pray and hope or wait until 11:11 on the clock?

So,for now....I am just going to "be".Be here in this moment. Be happy.Be here. (Here with my fingers and toes crossed.)

and.......

I'm currently loving...

fruit smoothies!!

and......

I love to cook,and I honestly could,would,eat ice-cream for every meal,every day.

AND

I'm currently not loving...

monday!!urghh.

note:♥Curvy to me is real beauty{it's sucha classic beauty} and if I'm never a size 2-so be it!Eat healthy loves.Workout and feel great and don't beat yourself up over that slice of chocolate cake or curvaceous hips.

here's to a quick and easy week!

I promise to come back and get on a blogging rocket and blog all the way to the moon but as for right now??I have loads of required things to do before I can do that...
and number one on my list??LUNCH before I pass out on the stairs!

xoxo,

Renee (:

My inner voice,still speaks NERD!

2010-06-08T17:37:00.004+08:00

Sometimes I still feel like I'm that lil girl,with braces,extra lanky arms and legs,and glasses (sometimes,blind the others).I had really sweaty hands and was constantly anxious,I would avoid walking down the hall when someone was walking my way and was going to "give me daps",I'd find a corner to turn or a way to magically keep my hands full.I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror today and realized:I am not that person anymore.The thing is,I still absolutely FEEL like the awkward nervous,dramatic,emotional and irritatingly optimistic young teenager that I was.My insides have forgotten to catch up with the changes on the outside.The good news,I have embraced the parts of me that I thought was awkward and realize they are actually quite endearing.I smile too big sometimes and say all the wrong things,my eyes are huge and ridiculously expressive and show shock anytime I listen intently to a story,I am happy that I crack one liners when I meet new people and I don't mind when people don't understand my humor.I don't need people to like or understand me all the time.Though in the past I'VE felt like the gawky one,I've come to realize it is not me at all.That old crush....it's him.Those old friends that I felt like didn't take the time of day...thank God they didn't,it would've been a waste.Today,I've come to love my nose,the cheeks,my hands,my voice,my mind and my legs. I'd forgotten to remind my "inner voice" of the truth of who I have become,aided by all of the things that I have been.On the inside I am still that "awkward" kid who says crazy things but I have also become so much more than that and I rarely celebrate it.So tonight,I'm going to have a glass of champagne(at a pub?)...hmmm maybe a can of Anglia shandy would be fine and celebrate it [finally living/loving in my own skin.]!! ^^

Being a princess is simply Fabulous lar.

2010-06-07T21:38:00.004+08:00

I want a life where I stay in the Presidential Suite and call on people to bring me chocolate covered gummy bears and champagne.And,I'll wear a silk robe all day long.And take bubble baths....and wear false eyelashes to bed.having a traveling stylist on hand in case something is puckering weird Or when I'm feeling fat and need someone to throw me in something that looks like a trash bag,but sexy.swwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeett!!Very seriously in fact,I won't apologize for who I am....for the flaws and the quirks,and the awkward things I say,or how sometimes I linger a little too long in a conversation because I don't know how to get out of it.Or how sometimes I talk too much about random shit in front of strangers.Or that I want to be famous and see my name in lights and do VIP shit...with private jets???...and umbrella holders....????(too much?)Things of that nature.I certainly won't apologize for the things I say on this blog....now,or in the past.In the meantime I'm gonna grab a bar of chocolate but before that...I want to share a very hilarious yet gross picture I copied and paste from facebook lar okay.
Does this picture gives you an appetite for a slice of delicious warm chocolate cake????hahahahaha...........

above:FYI-This is not a picture I copy and paste from facebook or google image okay.it's a picture of my brother's stomach.scary sial.He's frickin' damn skinny man{like an anorexic person siut}He's already 14 years old but he looks and acts like a 10 year old.Hmmm.....like science said *boys mature slower than girls do*.Guess wad???In My Kindergarten Classroom pictures rite,I'm like the tallest chic in class le and during primary school I would be the tallest freak in the classroom and the stupid teacher are always picking on me *they would asked me to climb the tables and chairs to hang the curtains,flags,random pictures of god knows who lar,clean the damn dirty fan and the stupid guys would be peeking up my skirt looking at my panties.shit sial.thank god I was smart enuff to wear shorts inside or else rugi sial!hahahaha.I've always hated my height and I still remember clearly how I would hunch my back so much during assembly session cuz I was ashamed of my damn height *my sister's friends claimed that they would only see my head out of the hundreds of people standing around me....wtf???malu sial*.People would give me names such as giraffe,tebu,ladder,stick?wth!!,tinggi,giant {practically anything to describe a tall and lanky person lar}Ok lar.signing off now coz there's morning classes tomorrow.argh.one word:SUCKS!

bye readerssss.....

the *princess* wants to have her beauty sleep now.till then.chaoooo!

I just may be insane.

2010-06-07T13:07:00.007+08:00

Can't Believe how little I've Written lately.This is so unlike me.

I think I've been distracted by life.

Funny how that happens.*smiles*
I've been busy being social,shopping and catching up on all the things I seem to constantly put off,yet I really feel no further ahead than when I started.*sighs*
This weekend has been so quiet and for the last few days I've been a rotten mood,

so I hadn't made any big weekend plans just out of pure negativity.
I asked myself:"Where do you see yourself in ten years?"

I'm at a loss for words.
Do people really have an answer for this question?

Am I the only person who hasn't a clue?

Has no plan?

I wish I was the kind of person who had direction.a plan.a destiny.

The kind of person that happens to life,not the kind that lets life happen to them.

And it's not like I've just taken a wrong turn off the beaten path....

I've never had a path....

I've never had a course...

and although I don't regret much that has happened thus far,

everything seems to be more by chance than by choice with me.

This makes me wonder if I'm the classic underachiever.

sorry,I'm still stuck on the whole....

more by chance than choice......thing.

I have GOT to figure this out....

otherwise....where the hell WILL I be in ten years?!*sigh*

---------------------------------------------------

Lately my eyes are burning from tears shed earlier *sibeh emotional sial*.They sting out of loss and out of pain.Somehow I know things will never be the same again lar.Sometimes it's the right choice lar.Even with all the support in the world.....we still fall apart sometimes and not even one kind samaritan are there to help me out *sigh*.........And dammit things are never what they seem.You think you know.you think you understand and poof they disappear like a bad dream.It's not as easy as you thought okay.it takes a lot of courage to grow up.it takes a lot of suffering to be happy!!!!!Argh all I want to do now is to crawl into bed,pull the covers over my head and not crawl back out again until the time is through.{This wasn't meant to be a poem...it is what it is....don't critique...it's just not worth your effort.}My muscles ache and I don't want to go class =(

my face look sibeh innocent siut.I'm not trying to say i'm not innocent now okay but is just that now I......*cough* look more *cough* ma.....ture.hahahahaha.{feel like barfing ryte??}

I've met a few amazing people.I see it as a "sign".....as a luck of the draw....the timing was right and it just fit (:

.::to be continued::.

I'm sensitive.Be gentle wid me.

2010-06-05T20:17:00.007+08:00

so I’ve been thinking a lot (with my *glasses* on ‘cause it makes me look smarter)…....wakakakakaka

and I’ve come to the conclusion…

I know the meaning of true friendship.

a friendship that’s not based on numbers…the number of comments,the number of followers,the number of people you meet and instantly call your “best friend”.

it’s not about a moving conveyor belt of ever changing friendships.

it’s about the friendships you hold dear,treasure like gold and hope will last forever.

anyway........

for the past couple weekends,I've been keeping it low key.

a little chips here...a little alcohol there...but nothing too crazy.

I plan on saving myself for much more important events...ahem ahem.

therefore over the weekend,I spent the majority of my time watching movies

including kick-ass,shrek forever after,avatar,Ip man 2 and etc...

--------------------------------------------------------

oh shit…i’m in one of those moods again.which can only mean one thing…

it’s time to start cracking skulls around here.

it makes no sense to me to learn that some people intentionally lie,

creating false impressions and images that clearly are not them. pathological liars?maybe.

I call them crazies.

note:being 100% real with yourself and others takes courage,

confidence and also a good intentioned heart…

what comes around goes around.

things catch up always and in the end those who are of poor intentions and character,

are the ones losing out:they lose loved ones,they lose friends,and never fully get to experience life to its fullest,and mostly they never even get to learn who THEY themselves really are.

In the end,those same people will continue living a lie,

pretending to be someone that they’re not.

unfortunately for them,they have one less person they get to fool.

forgive me,I’m having a serious titanic moment right about now.

yes I’m that cheesy.

♥alright i better go before i start saying things i shouldn’t.

mad love to you real folks and…happy saturday!!

[I'm super nervous and excited lar^^....haiyo can't wait!

class starts on monday and I haven't even get to enjoy my holidays to the maximum!stupid mmu lar coz gv us holiday for only 2 blardy weeks *mana cukup*.I'm happie that I'll be spending my next 3 years with those people whom I love so very much.I seriously don't know what shitt is going to happen but I've just have to wait and see.Things might not work out but wat the fuck...who cares.at least I gv it a shot rtye???dumbass.no further explanation needed here.btw my hand looks frickin' extra long in this picture le.Lol]

stay tuned for more updates.yee!

Run away.

2010-06-01T20:57:00.003+08:00

I need to get out of here.. and f a s t.

Any good weekend getaway suggestions?

If I could have it my way.....I'd totally be in Fiji right now.

It's gorgeous there,isn't it?

-------------------------------------------
Just some random questions and MY ANSWERS.
So,if you wish to play along.....pls feel free do to so ya ^^
would you rather.......

be extremely beautiful or extremely intelligent?
Intelligent,no question.

go without brushing your teeth for a year or go without
washing your hair for a year?
Go without washing my hair.
I feel disgusting if I don't brush my teeth at least once a day.

be rich or famous?
Rich.Fame means absolutely nothing to me.

have an amazing shoe collection or an amazing makeup collection?
Shoes!Give me shoes!
I could give or take makeup.
It's nice,but it's hard to live without shoes.They protect your feet!

be able to sing or be able to dance?
I'm going to stick with what I am actually able to do here and say dance.

be stranded on a deserted island or in the desert?
Island.I love the beach and couldn't imagine living without it.

have a computer or a tv?
Computer.Endless entertainment is at your fingertips!

wear polka dots or stripes for the rest of your life?
Stripes.They're classic!

drink out of a teacup or a mug?
While teacups are pretty,they're too delicate and small for me,so I'll take my mug.

receive a bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates?
Flowers,they don't add the pounds,and they make my life prettier.

get a hug or a kiss from someone you love?
A hug.They always make me feel better.A kiss is hit or miss.

wear converse tennis shoes or stilettos?
Converse.If we're going for life,I choose comfort over fashion.

meet johnny depp or robert pattinson?
Johnny Depp.More impressive resume.Period.hahaha

drink a cup of coffee or a cup of tea?
Although I heart COFFEE and try to drink it daily,I am not human without my morning cup of tea.So,I choose TEA (:

live somewhere sunny or cold?
Sunny.I get depressed without sun.Malaysians....wad u expect lar.

have an amazing house or an amazing car?
House.Who cares about the car?It's where you live that counts.

be kind or funny?
Kind... funny entertains but doesn't really get you anywhere without kindness.

wear a necklace or a ring?
Well,if you look at me today,the clear answer is ring!
I wear my ring always,but sometimes (like today) I forget to put a necklace on.

laugh or smile?
Laugh.Does a body good.

love or be loved?
It is impossible to be loved without loving,so I choose love.

=)

Have a great weekend peeps!
Let me know what you're up to,if you wish. :)
I have no plans,other than emo-ing at home.hahaha

pardon me.

2010-05-31T12:51:00.005+08:00

doesn't it seem like the days/weeks just go quicker and quicker

as each year passes?!?
time quite literally just flies by.

Class starts next week!!argh.

The Worst is yet to Come----->assignments piling up with no mercy.

*sigh*

I spent my weekend doing practically nothing.

lazing around.just staring at four walls.browsing the internet.raiding the refrigerator^^

It's that time of year again where my holidays are the most meaningless.aikss.

Anyway,I have a confession....
All I want today is a doughnut!!

A big,sticky,sugary,flaky-doughnut!

I miss licking the all the frosting off the tops of cupcakes!

I almost always want a bagel and cream cheese for breakfast,

I almost always want to say yes to dessert,

I almost always want to live off of thick macaroni and cheese and garlic bread

and there are days when I almost look in the mirror and get angry for being so greedy!

Blahh bla blahhh.

Lately I feel like doing a few things:

Throw shit.

Scream at shit.

Write hate mail about shit.

Set shit to flames.

{Just another random shit.}

note:To let go is not to regret the past,

but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more...

Remember:The time to love is short (:

I'm not going back,I'm moving forward.

2010-05-29T21:27:00.007+08:00

This week really stinks for some reason.
I have had this really weird feeling all week and I'm not liking it.

I think I need something to get me outtta this funk.
I think I need therapy.
Retail therapy,that is.
So tomorrow,I'm hitting the mall to release the tension in me.

Just to let you know,I'm going to have a good day.
I'm professing it.

This weekend is going to be fantabular.
Because I say so.

I'm going to smile,like I've never smiled before.
Because I want to.

hey Sunday,
You made me happy.

Oi Monday,
Let's be honest,you just suck.
This pretty much sums up my feelings towards you.
Mondaynight,you got even worse.

Damn you Tuesday,
YOU REALLY SUCKED

eh Wednesday,
You better be good to me k!

But really,today is good.
The sun is shining and I'm Smiling.
Thank you.
Just Random shitt.
OHHHHH LAYYY and Happy Stinkin' Saturday.

get me outta here...puhlease!argh.

2010-05-26T14:30:00.005+08:00

My life has been based heavily on a serious of choices

made from a carefully created pool of options.

Right,we are all living lives based off of choices we've made that

put us where we're at,but most people stay away from

busying themselves with endless options & choose

between the things that are readily available.

I've never been intimidated by the world.

I like a nice challenge.

The feeling of triumph,of conquering.

So,when I was 17 the thought that I'd simply apply to a uni

and spend the next four years of my life,

in one stinking building,

working towards one silly goal,

for an inevitable end result.

It wasn't even an option on my fancy,

handwritten list of dreams "worthy" of crossing off.

Unlike some,I think if I'm given an opportunity.....

I will rise above expectations!!heck yea.

My only fear was that others free will to choose otherwise,

would be the road block between me and my idea of success.

screw mmu.screw uni life.

*gasp*... did i just say that OUT LOUD?

'oopsy daisy.'

P.S. Life is fine,fine as wine!

The need to escape.

2010-05-25T16:25:00.007+08:00

One day you're alone,

the next you've met this incredible person who so easily and effortlessly

was the exact thing you'd subconsciously been waiting for......

though,completely doubtful of them actually existing

by some uncomplicated,divine hand they're placed right there at reach.

One day you're certain that this is the resting point,

the point where everything just settles and this is "it."

The kind of "IT" where you're not moving,

you're just steadily existing in one spot....seemingly forever!

When you turn on the "tune out" button and in a moment,

"it" has shifted & suddenly you've opened doors

said "yes" to more than you could possibly handle.

You've taken a routine and shaken it up,
grabbing each little piece & carefully placing them into this new mosaic of a life you've jumped into,then standing back and admiring how well the mismatched,colorful pieces fit together.

One day it's just a dream,the next it's reality.

But it isn't a day,it isn't a single date or action.

It just feels that way.

It's a combination of slight shifts in your life.

The things you've said NO to and the things you've said YES to

without hesitation that makes it all feel like ONE DAY.

The "one day" when everything just worked itself out was really a slow moving process of thoughts,actions,desires,fears.

That all come together into an acknowledgement of being.

Everything I've wanted & everything I haven't wanted has been placed in the same garden

and been watered by the same powerful and contradicting energies,

thought process and vibrations and thus flourished into this significantly new way of existence. Of presence.

I read that today and it was so perfect for everything that I'm feeling right now.

The goodness that is consuming me was certainly unexpected,

though all of it was planted very cautiously and tended to meticulously and optimistically.

Even in subtle ways when doubt was the stronger belief.

Love came when it was meant to,

when I was ready for it.

Music came when I trusted that I had a voice for a reason
&

the right people came when I was unafraid to live in all of the

brilliance and spirit,inhibition and confidence

that I knew was lurking behind some unnecessary & unjustified negative belief

that stood,firmly,in it's way.

Our thoughts are what we plant,

our energy is what we water it with.

our truths are decided by what we believe,

in our heart and in our minds & when the things that we believe

are fed consistently with non-belief they'll stay buried under the soil until eventually,

they're completely forgotten & will remain unfulfilled prophecies sitting

somewhere beneath new cluttered ideas and half-hopes.

Allotting ourselves more responsibility for what grows into our lives is a powerful

scary thought....until you see that the good you've grown

was brought into being by your own hand (:

and that,is a frickin' amazing feeling.

P.S. Change starts the minute we wake up,IF we choose it.

Whatever you were thinking about "factioning",half-truthing.

lying about today......it's more than OKAY to just,tell the truth!!

Lying is a f**cking sin.So,stop lying and making a fool of yourself.argh!

One Word:Lost =*(

2010-05-24T11:16:00.005+08:00

Read whats on my mind right now:

I don't generally wake up thinking,where is my boyfriend?Who got arrested?

and I wonder if this outfit is appropriate for jail visits?

It usually goes something like,yogurt or cereal and do I feel skinny today?

Blah blah blah.

I have somehow along the last couple of months lost sight of the fact that within me,

if I trust it,there's a deep,overflowing well of SECURITY.Of safety.

There's a thing that is bigger than desiring something,

bigger than want,bigger than the little ruts and bumps.

bigger than $20 dollars,

or $100 dollars,

bigger than right.

this.second.argh!
I'm not exactly where I WANT to be,

but I have to TRUST that each little connection,diversion and misstep

are part of the bigger plan & instead of jeering at the things I don't want,

I can looking stead at the things I do......

knowing that all that I need,all that I want & all that I have......

are already here!!

Let the universe work out the rest.

We are constantly evolving.

Sometimes..............,

I feel like if we saw the bigger picture,

we would feel okay being all the things we want and love right now.

*sigh*

P.S. Today,I'm going to FINISH what I START!
"Life is sort of like riding a bike,

if you're always looking at the ground you're bound to fall".
Sometimes,there are MOMENTS,where I'm just afraid of falling.

*sigh*

note:Men are respectable only as they respect others.

“There are two sorts of affection:

the love of a woman you respect,and the love for the woman you love”!

bitter sweet.

2010-05-23T08:42:00.004+08:00

I am losing my blog drive.

It seems this has become a recurring theme the past few months.

Maybe it's because I had a good few months of incredible posts and now that's gone?

Who knows why the real reason is but I feel as if I'm starting to repeat myself.

change,love,fear,fashion..etc how many times can you read the exact same post before it becomes monotonous?

but then.....this is my blog and it's my life. ♥ ♥

It's what I'm going through and I want documentation of it.

I don't do journals because I hate writing on paper.

I can type so much fast than I can write a couple of paragraphs

so obviously I'm going to take the easy way out.

One day this blog will be turned into a book and it will be my journal.

For the past year and a half this blog has been my sanctuary.

My freedom to say whatever it is,I want whenever I want.

Even though I lose my drive to blog every now and then,

I know I won't ever lose the drive to document my thoughts,

because lets face it,I have plenty!!

Things are tough right now.

Probably the hardest they've ever been.

I'm struggling in ways I never knew I could

sometimes I feel more alone than I ever have.

I know that I could say that things couldn't get any worse

but that is a definite lie.

Things can always get worse than they are but things can always get better than they are. Sometimes you have to let go of something

in order to get something even better than what that something was (:

trust me.

♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥

so that's it for now.looove you all!

*flying smooches!*

beautiful.just beautiful.

2010-05-22T15:05:00.006+08:00

Hey Hey Heeyyy people!

Final examination....

that's why I've been a bit absent from the blog world.

Holy Moly,can you believe my foundation course is already over??!

woohooo~time flies but me likey (:

WOAH WOAH WOAH,even MAY is starting to fly by!

I have been very stressed this couple of weeks due to my finals

and feel like I haven't had a second to stop and breathe.

Exams are over and I deserve a good break!I do.

My last paper was yesterday and overall....

I think business statistics paper was the toughest for me.

numbers are ugly creatures!hahaha.

the few easiest paper was definitely english,computer application II & accounts.

The last few weeks as I attempt to dress myself,I just sit and stare at my closet.

Literally,I stare while sitting on my bed.

I have so many articles of clothing,that some of them haven't even been touched yet,

but something is just isn't right.

Something is missing.

I am in desperate need of a shopping spree!!

I need new jeans,dress shirts,perfume and most importantly,heels.

I have had this urge to spoil myself with new,beautiful heels.

Do you ever have this moment?

Where you want to completely clean out your closet and start fresh??!!

gahh.

Have a fabulous weekend,peeps!

xoxo,

RENEE (:

Jom Borak borak dgn I (:

2010-05-16T20:08:00.004+08:00

Lately....I've been really busy with my studies cuz my exam starts on tuesday.I can't wait for my exam to finish le.Lately,I have been burning the midnight oil and making visits to the library every single day without FAIL.........haha kiasu sial.I'm exhausted hell.Plus I'm having a really bad cough due to some girl who coughs like a nobody's business without closing her damn frickin' mouth.BASKET.Not to forget those Pimples all over my forehead and the stupid ugly panda eyes.argh.But behind all this commotion,emotions,run deep as oceans explodin' tempers flarin' from within,I'm still very happy with a numerous number of things (: I wouldn't have put all those behind me if wasn't for you!Thanks for lifting me up "like a garage door",catching me thru every careless fall I made,lending me your ears and bringing me home safely every night. (: I realise ryte MALACCA semakin maju de and I'm so proud to be a malaysian.hahaha.There's tonnes of cool stuff awaits me after my stinky exam!faster lar time flies puhlease!More updates after exam lar okie???BYE.gd luck to all foundation students ya ^^

Pictures that says a thousand words.

2010-05-08T18:09:00.003+08:00

Have I ever mention to you guys that I'm a huge fan of

"SpongeBob Squarepants??"

enough said.

stop and rewind.

2010-05-08T07:54:00.004+08:00

oh blog friends.

I am finding myself thinking way too much this week.

my poor head is trying to wrap itself around so much that I dont know what to do!

I have so many questions I'd love to ask

because I'd love to hear your opinions and advice

but don't feel like the world wide web is the best place to put these questions.

so many thoughts,interests,ideas.....

I've talked to a few good friends about some of the things on my mind

they have brought so much insight & prospective to my questions,

it's been very much appreciated and helpful!!

[I bet I'm driving a few of you crazy with mentioning this

not even telling you what it is I'm referring too!hah I'm sorry loves!]
and just for the record I wanted to tell you all a few things....

I love that I have made so many new friends over the past few months

and it feels like we've known each other for years (:
I love that when I wake up in the morning I have nothing do but smile

because life is really that fantastic ^^
I love that I can take a warm shower and it melts away the stress I had from that day!!
I love that my family supports me in whatever I decide to do =)
I love my friends for being there in my time of need

understanding where I stand in my life and accepting me for me.
I love the age I'm at and how I'm enjoying my freedom and youth.

P.S. I've finally chopped off my frickin awesome long nails aka
super long cat claws (:
I decided to chopped it ALL off cuz some were long and short.
I kept my nails for months and months okay.
kinda sad but
I can finally play the piano again,excel in AngelJam aka O2jam like last time,hold a pen properly,do house chores,play with my awesome hair{lol} and etc.hahahahahaha

much love. renee

I am curious about a few things.

2010-05-07T18:33:00.003+08:00

Trust,Believing,Honesty.

How do you know you can trust someone?how do you know if what they are saying to you is true and not just a bunch of lies?how can you tell if they are being honest with you?

I AM CONFUSED.

P.S. sometimes boys just have a way with words that make you smile (:

it's beyond amazing =)

2010-05-06T18:37:00.006+08:00

I have always been a bit skeptical when it comes to love.

especially fairytalistic love.

like enchanted the movie.

don't get me wrong,

I've always wanted the fairytale and in my own way I know i'll end up with one....

but I hate watching these movies because

it gives a sense of hope for something that I don't really think can be reached.

it's not like I'm skeptical because I have never been in love,

because it's quite the opposite.

I'm in love...

I'm head over heels madly crazy in love.... (:

I couldn't even believe me,

a girl who didn't really believe in true love,

was in that exact situation.

I had found someone who wanted to be with me,

regardless of my stubbornness and crazy antics =)

he loved me for who I was and nothing was going to change that.

no matter how hard I tried to push him away,

he wasn't going for it.

P.S. I'm a 19 year old who enjoys shopping to the full extent

and loves the girly things in life...

welcome to my side of the world!! (:

As I slowly start to accomplish things in my life I am having a feeling of satisfaction.

Nothing can even describe the way I feel right now!!

WOOHOO~

feeling happier than ever.

2010-04-30T00:49:00.006+08:00

I'm strong.I may break down and bawl.I may wallow.I may cry hysterically and worry my loved ones over my downers... sowie:) but when I'm done freakin' out the freaks.........
I am SO. MUCH. STRONGER. than I tend to give myself credit for.
Sometimes I just have to laugh at the sky & thank God for leading ME down the crazy beautiful road He's chosen for ME (:

Drum roll please.....

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned,so as to have the life that is waiting for us,ya know?? =)

P.S. Hope your day is spent with people you care about.

I know mine will be :)

I'm tired.

That kind of tired that makes it possible for you to bite someones head off in one moment

cry over complete stupidity the next....

I'm pretending the only thing on my to-do list is

"Dream something pretty"!!

My something pretty of choice would be:

A cupcake (:

PCA0035 Computer Assignment.

2010-04-28T16:53:00.006+08:00

I've Finally FINISHED my PCA0035 computer assignment!!

I've put so much effort,sweat and tears into this assignment.

I'm so glad it's all finally over!!

There are so many times where I feel like giving up and banging my head against the wall,

but despite the disappointment I kept pushing myself.

{my Friends were always there offering support and encouragement(: }

I often snuggled down in bed feeling mentally and physically tired!!

My finals is less than 3 more weeks!

I shud really start flipping through my books

and start burning the Midnight Oil.....

can someone pls pinch me and tell me that I'm not dreaming???!!!

can you believe it??it's my last semester

and I'll be doing my bachelor's of degree in banking and finance in the month of JUNE!!

{time flies like an arrow.}

I can still recall my first day during orientation in MMU.I was starving and suffering from gastric pain throughout the whole orientation week!

Anyway,I just feel so fortunate,

so blessed to be in this position and not to sound cheesy,

but I am just so grateful =)

BELOW:Have a glance at My PCA0035 Computer assignment.

TOPIC : MAMMALS

P.S. BYE BYE.

LOVE Ya'll

I said what??

2010-04-27T17:54:00.006+08:00

My brain has been on over load due to the lack of being able

to type it out every day as I have been able to do in the past.

so much going on that.....

I can't even remember half the things I really wanted to post about.

Regardless,I will give you a few updates.

ya know,a little bit of the me you've all been missing oh so much ;)

I know I repeatedly talk about angels or soulmates but lets face it.

I'm just counting my blessings(:

I've learned countless times,that people

come into your life for a reason.

whatever that reason may be it's

up to you on how you learn from it.

♥

P.S. Thanks to the wonderful people in my life

who continue to keep their heads up

when I don't have the strength to keep mine up,

I've been able to stay a float in times I didn't think I'd be able to.

above:She has given me plenty of good advice but this one just

made me smile!

She has faith in me when I don't have enough for myself

is always there to pick me up when I need her to!!

above: I love her.She makes my day!

There are ONE thing you should know about me....

ok so there really are WAY more than that,but just one for now (:

I am extremely loyal to those who are in my life.

* I love you completely hubbs*....

I absolutely love my peeps

certain family members.

I have their back even if they are in the wrong.

I listen when no one else will.

I am the fort knox to their secrets.

I will bend over backwards for the people I love.

I will say I'm wrong -this all by itself is saying a lot.

I will surprise them with little goodies.

I forgive quickly

I will do everything my power to make sure that they know I love them.

P.S. time spent laughing wid my love ones is priceless.
♥

He had the best eyebrows I'd ever seen.

plus a gorgeous smile and a warming soul.

we instantly connected ♥ (:
I'm not going anywhere :]
Sayang,you have to have faith.

It's the only thing we have that can get us through this crazy ride!

Let's be honest.

2010-04-25T09:29:00.008+08:00

{RENEE-is-busy-so-here's-a-quick-post}

I've been eating A LOT of junk food lately....

"chips,chocolate + absolutely delicious gluten

dairy free products coming out on the market!!"

all of which I love so very much (:

if I wasn't eating it at home,I ate it almost every time I went out.

It's been excessive and I've noticed that I've gained the past little while for it.

Besides,I've still been taking food photos

but

I have to preface them by saying that I haven't really been able to keep much in my stomach. My hunger just disappeared on me.....

and when I do eat,I feel full almost instantly.

Very strange.

(0.0)

Those who always lepak with me would know me very well la.I shout hungry like every one frickin' hour.After a heavy meal I still menyalak hungry.Macam hantu lapar je.During lecture I'll be stuffing my mulut with fried rice/nasi lemak/mee,Jus name it and I have it all in my bag!hahaha.

My bag is always packed with food.No books but food.hahaha.sial.

Yesterday during muet pun almost die of starvation.half way doing the writing test then gastric>dizzy>cant concentrate.so my solution is emergency delivery.hahaha.

i asyik makan je.patutlah sudah berisi.FUGLY.

Anyway,I've been craving cupcakes all weekend!!

arghh.

Can someone buy me a cupcake with 2 inches of over-sweet frosting on top??

Puhlease =(

cupcakes are just ugly when you can't have them!

P.S. This is how I want my baby to look like.

all cute and chubby.ish geram tengok muka dia.
"cheek biting "...I almost feel like this is an addiction!!

P.S. Pls be x-tra careful of this cheek biting freako!LOL

above:fuh ada muscles siot!got biceps and chest man.

dun pray pray ya!phewit!

ladies and gentlemen,
please fasten your seatbelts cuz I am about to show you
something fascinating,
something entertaining,
and
something silly...
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V
V
v
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eh dun need wear underwear oso nvm.tak boleh nampak.

wah!

guys sure drooling all over their keyboard punya.

hahaha.

BYE peeps.

peace out >.<

Tearing myself into shreds over the weekend.

2010-04-22T20:31:00.005+08:00

After plenty of rest and H2O,I am finally feeling better.hallelujah!

I hate this week so much.

Life has been hectic,chaotic,dramatic and stressful ALL at the same time!!

Life has taken me on it's very own rollercoaster these last few weeks

I'm like hanging on by a thread.haizzzz!!

I Blame life which has been throwing me curve balls like crazy.

ahh well...whatever.

I'm here and my weekend was "awesome" so I can't complain too much.

I haven't logged into blogger like a week?So,where should I start??

♥ ♥ ♥

Oh well.....Yesterday I wore yellow.It had been a while since I'd done so.

As it goes,I’ve been all BLACK & WHITE lately with maybe a tad bit of colour,

which is so unlike me.

So when I chose to wear bright,sunshiny yellow,it made me feel different….

*in a good way*(:

I felt happier and fun…like a day in the sun *giggles*.

It figures as much,with spring comes colour.

Lots & lots of colour.colour that I have missed.a lot.

P.S. {Warning!!Before going any further,

this is post is very random and not planned.

And kinda sort of long.}

♥
Speaking of LIFE........

have you found that sometimes life seems to come
with a soundtrack?I have countless playlists on my iPod,and each one
is meant for a certain day.A moment.A feeling.I've been listening
to one playlist (titled Way back into love-the best love duet!!) on repeat.

anyway,Do you have certain songs that get put on repeat?

And I mean you repeat it like over and over and over & you nvr get bored of it?

Okay, lets talk about something real for a moment.
Let me start off by saying my SMS addiction is back!haha
I've not been actively using my hp like for about 5 months or so
& now I'm finally back on track.haha.surprise surprise.
And on another very important note...
Hubbs is such a great guy.Supportive.carefree.Cracking jokes all night long.
Lovable.Believes in this simple statement "Everything happens with ease".
=)

most importantly he makes me laugh like there's no tomorrow.
I catch myself thinking about him right now!!
* big ginormous goofy grin * (:

above:I miss my sister so very much.gahh.
The last time I saw her was during the CNY.Haizz.
She'll only be back next year.
It stinks to be separated with the people we love,adore and cherish ya know??!arghh.
It feels like my heart has been ripped out!

♥

Note:I'm sorry I was sucha grouchy pants this whole week!

I promise I'll control my temper (:

that I am not in blogger mode lately.

♥ ♥ ♥
Kisses,

RENEE

happy. awesome. weekend . folks.