saw this and just thought of sharing it =))

It's either you understand or you don't. That simple.

• 
  My girlfriend invited me to her house, I found her sister alone in the house, she was unbelievably sexy, she whispered in my ear, "i have feelings for you, shall we have sex" , I immediately turned around and walked to the front door to go to my car, I found my girlfriend standing there, she hugged me and said: "you've won my trust"... Moral of the story: always keep your condoms in the car.

• ...PERIODS SUCK...Peeing in the morning after you wake up andthe toilet looks like a bowl of Hawaiian Punch.

• I'm wearing my BEST butt jeans, my cutest shirt, my hair looks amazing, and no matter where i go looking like this, NO hot guys are there.I'm at Wal*Mart, hair tied up in a bun, no makeup, sweat pants,old t-shirt with paint and holes in it, and slippers. and every time I turn around, HOT GUYS EVERYWHERE.freakkin lovely.

• KID: Dad, can you write in the dark?FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?KID: Your name on this report card.

• “BOYS ARE LIKE ONIONS" ..THEY ADD TASTE AND SPICE IN GIRLS LIVES.. BUT JUST LIKE ONIONS, THEY MAKE GIRLS CRY TOO......A REAL MAN is not defined by how many girlfriends he had, instead, It’s how many girls cried when he said, “No, I’m taken and I love her.”

• Advantages Of Being A Women:

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. Taxis stop for us.

3. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when we're dancing.

5. We can hug our friends without wondering if she's gay.

6. We can hug our friends without wondering if we're gay.

7. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

8. We can congratulate our team-mate without touching her butt.

9. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

10. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.

• Honey, your skirt is so high up it's a belt. Your hair is so bright it hurts my eyes. Your skin is so orange you look like you were an unfortunate victim of an explosion at an orange juice factory. Your eyes have so much make up on them you look like a raccoon. Who are you trying to impress, a blind man?

• Today I was approached by a homeless man who asked if i had any changeI only had two dimes, but i gave it to him anyways. As i watched him walk away, he put the dimes in someone's expired parking meterSomeone who can't afford to feed himself but helps others.

• *Watching t.v**A sex scene comes on**Mom walks in*Mom:What are you watching?!?!?!?!You: A SHOW THAT WAS INNOCENT BEFORE YOU WALKED IN!!!!