To tell u the truth,I've juz been avoiding everything.

why do we chase after the impossibles when we have the possibles awaits us??why am I so stupid?why don't I take risk?I think I'm afraid of being happy because everytime I'm happy,something bad always happens.I've learned that it takes years to build up trust,but only seconds to destroy it.That is why I never seem to trust someone that quickly.Sometimes I wish I could just be a little kid again.So when life gets tough you can just play pretend.I wanna go back to when Santa did exist.When your daddy was the only boy you ever kissed.When Disney World was the best place to be.When the only movies you could see were rated G.When your biggest problem was learning to write your name and people didn't change...and your friends were the same.And every time you were sad or you had a bad day. You could just run to mommy and it would all be okay.I wanna go back to no hurt...and no pain...just laughter.When everyone always lives happily ever after.I'm just afraid of taking chances and I'm so lost right now.I don't even know what I want,what to do,what to say and where to go.I wanna get lost from my life sometimes,sit on the side and watch the world go by,I wanna get lost and I don't know why.I just don't feel like I know myself very well right now,so how can I be sure about anything? Most of the time I feel so awkward,you know,like I don't belong in my own skin,I get frustrated at everything,I could just scream and there's no reason for it,I just hate myself.

dont be afraid to be who U want to be.

Changes is always scary but knowing you have the backbone to hold yourself up during the tough times makes it easy.Having the support system you know you need,makes everything worth it.No matter how hard,how stressful or how frightening it may all seem,knowing that they are behind you to catch you when you feel like you're going to fall is worth all the risks we take.Have you ever looked at someones life and just wished you had it as easy as them?everything seems to just fall into place for them and nothing bad ever happens?ya I've done the same thing.except now,I know that those people have just as many fears and insecurities as us "normal" people do.They are much better at hiding them or are the kind of people that think their whole life needs to appear perfect and by no means can any of their problems or indiscretions be told to other people.I am quite the opposite.I tend to just tell people everything because I find my life always moves so much smoother when I don't have anything to "hide".

NOTE:Don't let someone else try to control you and your decisions.Don't let fear take away something that could make you happier than you could imagine.Easier said than done but hey,the light bulb was not made on the first try.It takes time but if you really want it nothing should hold you back.including your insecurities (:

Saving the Best for Last...(fingers crossed)

What do you do when you have a relationship that is just being held together by one little thread??
You are at different points in your lives.
You don't have the same goals.
It's a struggle to find commonality.
And when that thread is tested and pulled tighter than ever before what happens??
Do you let it snap & say ef it?
Do you get out the clear nail polish and try to fix it?
Do you just bless & release?

It's best to be at a point of bless & release.I personally think that it is best to set the relationship back out to the sea of time.If something was meant to be for you,it will be =) If not,you will always have the memories.People come and go in your life.....For now,I love where I am and the people that come and go in my life.....If you read this,wow,thank you.Sorry for starting the week off with this kind of post.But I'm not sorry for being real.That's how it goes though, isn't it.

Thank you.God bless ya'all.

current fashion obsession

I just have to get one of these.I have become obsessed with floppy hats because it's simply gorgeous(:I am stalking the perfect one.For once,I am glad to have long super curly hair.Great look for this hat!haha

Rugged, but chic, do you agree?

I really like this one,not floppy enough though.

P.S. I have to admit,I have loved having the me time lately,a few minutes of peace,

just me and my thoughts (:I'm remaining a bit of a mystery for now.I'm doing fine,it's takes a bit of adjusting,but I'm getting there.

Thyroid Madness!

I don't know enough about anything to preach to anyone,

I don't have enough life experience to make assumptions about love,

about what it means and what it does to us.

but I've caught on recently,to something.

through a series of painful realizations,it's started to make an odd sort of sense.

not real sense,but the crazy,uninhibited sort of sense that only love can make.

I've realized that everything we make ourselves do,

everything we put ourselves through,there's no reason for it.

the things we say,

the places we go to on dates,

the pda,

the hand holding,

the little notes,

we only do these things because that's all we know of love.

that's what we've seen on television and read about in books.

that's the kind of love that we've been taught,is real.

but it's only action.

and actions might speak louder than words,but feeling means more than action.

it's like a twisted game of rock-paper-scissors.

I know that these things often do accompany real love......

because if you're in love,you WANT to hold his hand.

you want to leave a little note in his jacket pocket for his mom to find in the wash a week later, give to him,and know he's thinking of you.

you want to smell him,

you want him to hold you

&

tell you that you're perfect just the way you are.

you want to kiss him and make him feel good.

you want to listen to the music he listens to,

just in the hopes that it will help you understand him better.

you want to talk to his dog,and help his mom clean up in the kitchen,

talk sports with his dad.

you want to know everything.

you want to put his needs ahead of your own,

and you want to do it all so that he KNOWS you love him.

but doing it when you're legitimately in love isn't playing by the rules.

because in love,there are no rules.

no one to tell you that you're doing it wrong,not even yourself.....

because to worry and nit pick over the small things is to look back.

and love means not looking back.

love means holding him,and being afraid.....

because you could lose him at any moment,

but that fear is what keeps you hanging on.

in love,anything goes,and that's okay!!

that's what is so beautiful about it (:

is love fear?I don't think so.

but what do I know?I think I'm falling in love with HIM.

It feels good (:

I've never been so sure of anything.It's like,I've finally come to understand the difference between dread and fear,and those nervous butterflies that everyone keeps talking about.You want to know how I know?Because when I'm with you,I feel those butterflies fluttering around inside of me.But they don't make me want to run the other direction,like the fear has done before.If anything,they make me want to press myself as close as I can to you-face to face, heartbeat to heartbeat,because when I do that,the butterflies quiet their wings for a bit and they let me feel you.Feel all of you.And it's in those moments that I realize that the fear I feel is only surface level.It's the kind of fear you feel right before you turn on a bright light after hours of being in the dark.....just a few seconds before you open your eyes to see something so beautiful, something you couldn't see before.

For the first time in my life,I don't want to run away.I want to be with you(:

P.S. ok lovelies.....a few things for you.remember how a while back I posted about how I needed some new clothes..?well...I did it.last wednesday I indulged at Jusco {J CARD members' Day} and I'm a little sad cuz I'm broke right now!to be honest,I usually don't go to the movie theater that much....{even though it's a free ticket}I enjoy watching movies in the comfort of my own home=)I love my heart.I think I give it away too easily,and I share too much of it,and sometimes this means I get hurt…but I love deeply,and I care immensely,and I would truly go to the ends of the Earth for my friends and I wouldn’t have it any other way.I am amazed at how incredible I feel after doing something as simple as saying a cheerful “hello!”to a stranger on the street on my way to class,and I love being able to make someone else smile,even if it’s for the silliest little reason!!Loving can cost AAAAA lot,but not loving will always cost you more.So when in doubt… errRRMmmm on the side of love...okies??Until then...happy weekend,all.I promised you I'd be back.And whew,am I exhausted!

note:Love is something wonderful,so they say.And I've trusted them,until right now.

Humble happenings.

This week has been intense.

This week is the second week of my semester.

There are plenty of things to settle.

I'm proud to say that 'I'm not on probation anymore' but sad case....cos my younger sis just passed her driving test.wth man!!so yeah...the [P] sticker will be on car windscreen for another 2 blardy years =(

Why lar so many ppl's birthday falls on june?some more father's day is this sunday[waiseh there's a hole in my pocket]

2 weeks ago while I was eating at the roadside stall all by myself:

Me:*Enjoying my food,enjoying the cool breeze & staring into the distance*

Girl:*Driving really slow,sticking her head out the window,she glanced in my direction and she kept looking back at me.*

Me:*look around me*.I realized that I was the only customer eating at that very moment.

Girl:She made a U-turn at a junction and stopped her car right in front of the table that I was sitting at.She walked towards me and spoke nicely in chinese.{excuse me miss....you understand chinese??}

Me:I was stunned so I simply said No.haha...so she spoke to me in english.LOL

Girl:Have you ever done modeling & catwalk?

Me:*nods*

Girl:I'm a hair stylists and I need a female model for a hair competition & show and I will pay you Rm1500++ if you don't mind being my model.But the problem is I will be cutting your hair really short [something like rihanna's bob hairstyle]

Me:Huh???But.....I don't like short hair wor =(

Girl:Hmm you really don't want ar???Rm 1500++ also you don't want ar??

Me:Sooowiee but my love my hair so very much.

Girl:Nvm lar but if you change your mind than come to the saloon and look for me okay =)

Me:*smiles*...Later on when I got home and I told my mum,she suggested that I give it a shot coz she says that my hair was always long since I was a lil child and it would be great if I give it a change.But the stubborn side of me is begging me not to cut off my precious hair.haha...so yeah....there goes the offer and the MONEY!Lol

Anyways,I hate that every time in an assignment or project,I'm always elected to be the leader[waiseh emotionally,physically drained man!!]

" it's like a heavy burden weighing on my shoulder " =(

assignments are piling up and it's only the second week of the semester.haizzzzzz!!

I'm happy to say that I'm in the cheerleading & photography club.I'm thinking of joining the Judo and squash club too!I used to be in the pingpong club till I'm sick of it cuz I was the ONLY female wei[malu sial...all males only]I was also in the anima club till i realized that this club wasn't fun at all.I wanted to be in the christian fellowship but than their meetings clashes with my timetable so yea...probably next time ba (:

Signing off now!!byeeeeeeeeeeeeee

chit chat

well hello lovers!gotta make this a quickie.
I don't have an eloquent post today.
no deep thoughts
no words of encouragement
no funny stories
just my thoughts first thing this morning....

"frozen Ice-cream"!!

&

a simple top tucked into a pair of shorts plus a cute cardigan!!

below:Who said one-piece suits are frumpy?
I'm digging this one.

not forgetting.....
"the hot stuff"....{it's getting hot in here duncha think so?}
I am here to save the day and
give you some of that yummy eye candy you may be missing out on:

Lucas Till is so freakin' adorable!

You are welcome, you are very welcome people:)

Is it alright if we can just cuddle up and chat for a bit?It is seriously my favorite thing to do.Grabbing coffee with a good friend or snuggling with my mom while she is watching her favourite tv show and bugging him,him making me laugh, make my days so bright and happy (:
There has been so much going on lately that I haven't had to blog or do other activities that are on my to-do list.But don't ever feel like you're just running to catch up all the time?My room is a mess and my mind is just as cluttered and I just want to chit chat with you all about something things on my mind.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I just kind of closed myself off to everyone while some things have been going on in my life.It's not to intentionally withdraw,or to hurt anyone's feelings or to be secretive for any reason other than my own thoughts.Have you ever wanted something so badly it hurt?Have you ever been on the edge of something so incredible and feeling no fear at all it take the leap? Yep,that is pretty much where I am at. Normally I would be writing down every single detail and details about those details...but for now nothing. To anyone. Because. Kind of a hard thing to do when I just feel like I am going to burst with emotions about the possibilities. So for now...I just need to make a big wish.What does a girl need to do to make a wish?Do we blow out our birthday candles?Should we look for shooting stars,or wish on the first one we see?Should we pray and hope or wait until 11:11 on the clock?

So,for now....I am just going to "be".Be here in this moment. Be happy.Be here. (Here with my fingers and toes crossed.)

and.......

I'm currently loving...

fruit smoothies!!

and......

I love to cook,and I honestly could,would,eat ice-cream for every meal,every day.

AND

I'm currently not loving...

monday!!urghh.

note:♥Curvy to me is real beauty{it's sucha classic beauty} and if I'm never a size 2-so be it!Eat healthy loves.Workout and feel great and don't beat yourself up over that slice of chocolate cake or curvaceous hips.

here's to a quick and easy week!

I promise to come back and get on a blogging rocket and blog all the way to the moon but as for right now??I have loads of required things to do before I can do that...
and number one on my list??LUNCH before I pass out on the stairs!

xoxo,

Renee (:

My inner voice,still speaks NERD!

Sometimes I still feel like I'm that lil girl,with braces,extra lanky arms and legs,and glasses (sometimes,blind the others).I had really sweaty hands and was constantly anxious,I would avoid walking down the hall when someone was walking my way and was going to "give me daps",I'd find a corner to turn or a way to magically keep my hands full.I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror today and realized:I am not that person anymore.The thing is,I still absolutely FEEL like the awkward nervous,dramatic,emotional and irritatingly optimistic young teenager that I was.My insides have forgotten to catch up with the changes on the outside.The good news,I have embraced the parts of me that I thought was awkward and realize they are actually quite endearing.I smile too big sometimes and say all the wrong things,my eyes are huge and ridiculously expressive and show shock anytime I listen intently to a story,I am happy that I crack one liners when I meet new people and I don't mind when people don't understand my humor.I don't need people to like or understand me all the time.Though in the past I'VE felt like the gawky one,I've come to realize it is not me at all.That old crush....it's him.Those old friends that I felt like didn't take the time of day...thank God they didn't,it would've been a waste.Today,I've come to love my nose,the cheeks,my hands,my voice,my mind and my legs. I'd forgotten to remind my "inner voice" of the truth of who I have become,aided by all of the things that I have been.On the inside I am still that "awkward" kid who says crazy things but I have also become so much more than that and I rarely celebrate it.So tonight,I'm going to have a glass of champagne(at a pub?)...hmmm maybe a can of Anglia shandy would be fine and celebrate it [finally living/loving in my own skin.]!! ^^

Being a princess is simply Fabulous lar.

I want a life where I stay in the Presidential Suite and call on people to bring me chocolate covered gummy bears and champagne.And,I'll wear a silk robe all day long.And take bubble baths....and wear false eyelashes to bed.having a traveling stylist on hand in case something is puckering weird Or when I'm feeling fat and need someone to throw me in something that looks like a trash bag,but sexy.swwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeett!!Very seriously in fact,I won't apologize for who I am....for the flaws and the quirks,and the awkward things I say,or how sometimes I linger a little too long in a conversation because I don't know how to get out of it.Or how sometimes I talk too much about random shit in front of strangers.Or that I want to be famous and see my name in lights and do VIP shit...with private jets???...and umbrella holders....????(too much?)Things of that nature.I certainly won't apologize for the things I say on this blog....now,or in the past.In the meantime I'm gonna grab a bar of chocolate but before that...I want to share a very hilarious yet gross picture I copied and paste from facebook lar okay.
Does this picture gives you an appetite for a slice of delicious warm chocolate cake????hahahahaha...........

above:FYI-This is not a picture I copy and paste from facebook or google image okay.it's a picture of my brother's stomach.scary sial.He's frickin' damn skinny man{like an anorexic person siut}He's already 14 years old but he looks and acts like a 10 year old.Hmmm.....like science said *boys mature slower than girls do*.Guess wad???In My Kindergarten Classroom pictures rite,I'm like the tallest chic in class le and during primary school I would be the tallest freak in the classroom and the stupid teacher are always picking on me *they would asked me to climb the tables and chairs to hang the curtains,flags,random pictures of god knows who lar,clean the damn dirty fan and the stupid guys would be peeking up my skirt looking at my panties.shit sial.thank god I was smart enuff to wear shorts inside or else rugi sial!hahahaha.I've always hated my height and I still remember clearly how I would hunch my back so much during assembly session cuz I was ashamed of my damn height *my sister's friends claimed that they would only see my head out of the hundreds of people standing around me....wtf???malu sial*.People would give me names such as giraffe,tebu,ladder,stick?wth!!,tinggi,giant {practically anything to describe a tall and lanky person lar}Ok lar.signing off now coz there's morning classes tomorrow.argh.one word:SUCKS!

bye readerssss.....

the *princess* wants to have her beauty sleep now.till then.chaoooo!

I just may be insane.

Can't Believe how little I've Written lately.This is so unlike me.

I think I've been distracted by life.

Funny how that happens.*smiles*
I've been busy being social,shopping and catching up on all the things I seem to constantly put off,yet I really feel no further ahead than when I started.*sighs*
This weekend has been so quiet and for the last few days I've been a rotten mood,

so I hadn't made any big weekend plans just out of pure negativity.
I asked myself:"Where do you see yourself in ten years?"

I'm at a loss for words.
Do people really have an answer for this question?

Am I the only person who hasn't a clue?

Has no plan?

I wish I was the kind of person who had direction.a plan.a destiny.

The kind of person that happens to life,not the kind that lets life happen to them.

And it's not like I've just taken a wrong turn off the beaten path....

I've never had a path....

I've never had a course...

and although I don't regret much that has happened thus far,

everything seems to be more by chance than by choice with me.

This makes me wonder if I'm the classic underachiever.

sorry,I'm still stuck on the whole....

more by chance than choice......thing.

I have GOT to figure this out....

otherwise....where the hell WILL I be in ten years?!*sigh*

---------------------------------------------------

Lately my eyes are burning from tears shed earlier *sibeh emotional sial*.They sting out of loss and out of pain.Somehow I know things will never be the same again lar.Sometimes it's the right choice lar.Even with all the support in the world.....we still fall apart sometimes and not even one kind samaritan are there to help me out *sigh*.........And dammit things are never what they seem.You think you know.you think you understand and poof they disappear like a bad dream.It's not as easy as you thought okay.it takes a lot of courage to grow up.it takes a lot of suffering to be happy!!!!!Argh all I want to do now is to crawl into bed,pull the covers over my head and not crawl back out again until the time is through.{This wasn't meant to be a poem...it is what it is....don't critique...it's just not worth your effort.}My muscles ache and I don't want to go class =(

my face look sibeh innocent siut.I'm not trying to say i'm not innocent now okay but is just that now I......*cough* look more *cough* ma.....ture.hahahahaha.{feel like barfing ryte??}

I've met a few amazing people.I see it as a "sign".....as a luck of the draw....the timing was right and it just fit (:

.::to be continued::.

I'm sensitive.Be gentle wid me.

so I’ve been thinking a lot (with my *glasses* on ‘cause it makes me look smarter)…....wakakakakaka

and I’ve come to the conclusion…

I know the meaning of true friendship.

a friendship that’s not based on numbers…the number of comments,the number of followers,the number of people you meet and instantly call your “best friend”.

it’s not about a moving conveyor belt of ever changing friendships.

it’s about the friendships you hold dear,treasure like gold and hope will last forever.

anyway........

for the past couple weekends,I've been keeping it low key.

a little chips here...a little alcohol there...but nothing too crazy.

I plan on saving myself for much more important events...ahem ahem.

therefore over the weekend,I spent the majority of my time watching movies

including kick-ass,shrek forever after,avatar,Ip man 2 and etc...

--------------------------------------------------------

oh shit…i’m in one of those moods again.which can only mean one thing…

it’s time to start cracking skulls around here.

it makes no sense to me to learn that some people intentionally lie,

creating false impressions and images that clearly are not them. pathological liars?maybe.

I call them crazies.

note:being 100% real with yourself and others takes courage,

confidence and also a good intentioned heart…

what comes around goes around.

things catch up always and in the end those who are of poor intentions and character,

are the ones losing out:they lose loved ones,they lose friends,and never fully get to experience life to its fullest,and mostly they never even get to learn who THEY themselves really are.

In the end,those same people will continue living a lie,

pretending to be someone that they’re not.

unfortunately for them,they have one less person they get to fool.

forgive me,I’m having a serious titanic moment right about now.

yes I’m that cheesy.

♥alright i better go before i start saying things i shouldn’t.

mad love to you real folks and…happy saturday!!

[I'm super nervous and excited lar^^....haiyo can't wait!

class starts on monday and I haven't even get to enjoy my holidays to the maximum!stupid mmu lar coz gv us holiday for only 2 blardy weeks *mana cukup*.I'm happie that I'll be spending my next 3 years with those people whom I love so very much.I seriously don't know what shitt is going to happen but I've just have to wait and see.Things might not work out but wat the fuck...who cares.at least I gv it a shot rtye???dumbass.no further explanation needed here.btw my hand looks frickin' extra long in this picture le.Lol]

stay tuned for more updates.yee!

Run away.

I need to get out of here.. and f a s t.

Any good weekend getaway suggestions?

If I could have it my way.....I'd totally be in Fiji right now.

It's gorgeous there,isn't it?

-------------------------------------------
Just some random questions and MY ANSWERS.
So,if you wish to play along.....pls feel free do to so ya ^^
would you rather.......



be extremely beautiful or extremely intelligent?
Intelligent,no question.




go without brushing your teeth for a year or go without
washing your hair for a year?
Go without washing my hair.
I feel disgusting if I don't brush my teeth at least once a day.




be rich or famous?
Rich.Fame means absolutely nothing to me.




have an amazing shoe collection or an amazing makeup collection?
Shoes!Give me shoes!
I could give or take makeup.
It's nice,but it's hard to live without shoes.They protect your feet!





be able to sing or be able to dance?
I'm going to stick with what I am actually able to do here and say dance.





be stranded on a deserted island or in the desert?
Island.I love the beach and couldn't imagine living without it.






have a computer or a tv?
Computer.Endless entertainment is at your fingertips!








wear polka dots or stripes for the rest of your life?
Stripes.They're classic!





drink out of a teacup or a mug?
While teacups are pretty,they're too delicate and small for me,so I'll take my mug.





receive a bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates?
Flowers,they don't add the pounds,and they make my life prettier.







get a hug or a kiss from someone you love?
A hug.They always make me feel better.A kiss is hit or miss.








wear converse tennis shoes or stilettos?
Converse.If we're going for life,I choose comfort over fashion.






meet johnny depp or robert pattinson?
Johnny Depp.More impressive resume.Period.hahaha





drink a cup of coffee or a cup of tea?
Although I heart COFFEE and try to drink it daily,I am not human without my morning cup of tea.So,I choose TEA (:




live somewhere sunny or cold?
Sunny.I get depressed without sun.Malaysians....wad u expect lar.





have an amazing house or an amazing car?
House.Who cares about the car?It's where you live that counts.





be kind or funny?
Kind... funny entertains but doesn't really get you anywhere without kindness.






wear a necklace or a ring?
Well,if you look at me today,the clear answer is ring!
I wear my ring always,but sometimes (like today) I forget to put a necklace on.






laugh or smile?
Laugh.Does a body good.





love or be loved?
It is impossible to be loved without loving,so I choose love.



=)


Have a great weekend peeps!
Let me know what you're up to,if you wish. :)
I have no plans,other than emo-ing at home.hahaha