honestly....

Hey everyone, I know I've been MIA lately but I'm back now.

I just needed a little bit of inspiration to hit me.

So, hi. And stuff.

I know, I know, I’m not here much lately.

But trust me, that is my gift to you.

Because if I actually DID try to write anything right now it would pretty much go like this:

blah blah EXAMS

blah blah blah KILL MYSELF

Blah Blah STRESSY boredom

BLAH SOMEONE SHOOT ME

BLAH WHERE?

---------------------------------------------------------------

Anyway,I'm a nice mix of masculine/feminine.

I'm the woman who really should brush her hair more

and not spend half an hour in the morning staring into the fridge and the biscuit tins.

I don't spend hours putting on make up, trying to look better than what I look now XD haha.....

I can totally be whatever type of woman I want to be.

right now i'm the woman who feels like i'm playing dress up when i put on make up and heels.

I hate getting up early so I never will be that girl who gets up an hour early just to fix her makeup and curl her hair.

I wish I were one of those women who get up at 6am,

go to the gym, shower and arrive at class impossibly fresh.

I roll out of bed 20 minutes before I'm supposed to be at campus,

eating breakfast with my eyes closed,

arrive 10 minutes late every goddamn day,

and spend the evening on the couch.

Not one of my nails are the exact same length because I'm the type of woman that bites her nails when she gets stressed - which is often.

I own more flip flops than actual shoes ^^

Every time I try to buy proper perfume I always come home with cotton candy body spray...

i'm the type of woman who has clothing with cartoon and large wordings on it. like...a lot.

I still call my mom about everything.

If a button falls off my favorite sweater? I Call mom.

How the hell long do I steam the corn? Call mom.

How do I know if eggs are going bad? Call mom.

so....What kind of woman are you?

Being A woman sounds exhausting,huh?

Being someone you aren't is even worst!

Being yourself is so much more fun and exciting.

A WOMAN...she doesn't need to rock tight clothing to prove she's sexy or feminine,

she doesn't have to rock paint and glossy lips to prove she's a lady,

she doesnt need a closet full of 3-4inch stilettos to prove she's all woman!!

because a real woman doesn't need much to showcase she's all woman.

so....ladies don't ever feel the need to be the chick in music videos or in magazines because I guarantee ya its alot of men out here that Loves a real woman VS a made up one!!

No need to be materialistic and so concerned about "VANITY" because in the real world all a real man want and need is a real woman!

sheesh......We as women need to stop competing with each other,

stop being bitchy,

keep our cool,

and spend less time in the bathroom and more time outside.

We need to communicate with each other in a true and

heartfelt way to realize that we are a family.

....could be worse I suppose....

I miss my younger me...

I looked down at my hands today

&

I realized I don't have little kid hands anymore,

my hands have signs of work in them,

my veins are visible and my fingers are long like my Mother's[actually mine's even longer]

I always loved her hands and remember looking at my little girl hands

wishing they weren't so small.....

weren't so stumpy,

I wanted elegant hands to put pretty rings on

and nails long enough for French manicures.

I don't know when it happened but today my hands belonged to a woman,

they didn't belong to a little girl anymore

and it made me miss being young with my whole body....

It made me miss everything about it,the curiosity,the innocence.

I miss clutching to my Daddy's hands that were so much bigger than mine,

that protected and took care of me.

I miss swinging all of my body weight on one grip.

I miss picking out dresses and patent leather shoes that you could see your reflection in.

I miss licking the all the frosting off the tops of cupcakes,

I miss picking dandelions and crushing the yellow petals between my delicate tiny little fingers.

I miss thinking a vanilla ice cream cone was the best thing in the whole world,

and that chicken noodle soup could really cure anything or a kiss would make anything feel better..I miss when I didn't know what it felt like to miss somebody,

and I was just excited to see someone I loved at the end of the day.

When I didn't know the feeling of sorrow,or hearts falling when I didn't know that not everyone in the world is kind and open.

When I assumed "good" was always the outcome

and if someone "promised" that was enough of a contract.

I miss sticking my tongue out at strangers,making strange noises and throwing temper in public.

I miss being connected to myself enough to cry when I was sad.

When being analytical,calculated,and manipulative weren't a means to get what you wanted,

but a simple "please" would do.

The times when I was conscious of saying my "thank you's" and "excuse me's."

I miss when I was supposed to have a sense of wonder,

and people wouldn't warn that soon I would be "hardened" I miss softness.

Blankies,and stuffed animals!

I miss bedtimes and birthday parties,crushed Goldfish and "snack time."

Bad hair and purple nail polish.

When I didn't have to be accountable.

When the only fear I knew was that of the dark.

When the perfect vacation was one that involved people in costumes with pink cheeks,

and parades.

"Play dates" over real ones.

Before insecurity and awareness,before anxiety and doubt,

before I knew anything about my body and I used it as a means to live in

....skip,stretch,climb, and ride bikes.

I miss when guilt, lack, regret, or disappointment weren't emotions that existed to me.

I miss when love was really unconditional,

when faith just was,

and security always meant Mom and Dad.

When I look at my hands I'm proud of them,

I like that they look like my Mom's,

that they move quickly and have strength,

I just wish that they could have stayed young,

that I could have stayed young...a little bit longer....

but I'm reaching my twenties by next year.sigh :(

it's aint easy being cheesy

i know i haven't posted anything exciting or interesting lately.
for that, i apologize.
i'm feeling uninspired
and confused about the direction i want this blog to be heading in.

.. you're shopping at your favorite store
and you're in the clearance section. duh.
and you're looking for a cute cardigan
because it's always cold in your class.

then you find the cardigan
and it's on the 50% off clearance rack.
and you're excited.
but you keep looking around.
and then you see this skirt.
a skirt you've never seen before
at any target, on any rack,
especially not on a clearance rack.
and it's SO pretty.
you love it.
but it's only 30% off.
the price tag says RM99

it's not that great of a deal,
but you love that skirt.
eventually, you leave with just the cardigan.
a cute cardigan that you'll wear often.
3 days later,
you can't stop thinking about
that skirt!
you can't believe you didn't get that skirt.

you don't know how you'll wear it.

or where you'll wear it.

all you can think about is that
you need that skirt.
so you look online.
it's not there.
is there any chance that the skirt
is still on that clearance rack?
what's a girl to do?!

To a wonderful Little Man.

Happy 19th Birthday,my gorgeous,wonderful,and ever-so-special sweetie!

I hope your day is filled with joy,laughter and sunshine!

You make me smile when you laugh and when you get silly...

I couldn't be more proud to have you as a person in my life (:

I Miss and Love you to pieces.

I love you dearly! :-)

We were just kids when we were together.What did we know?

Well,I suppose I'm more of a realist.I love my hubs.Don't get me wrong.

But our six years together have certainly been anything but awesomeness.
Long distance. Disappointments. Stress.

But there have also been beautiful moments.

Moments of joy.Moments of happiness and laughter.

Moments that can be enjoyed and appreciated only after one has endured

those less than stellar days....

I am missin my main squeeze.my hunka hunka big daddy!!

Just sayin...I miss you so very much.!!

come home...Quick ! ^^

Thank you for always bringing a smile to my face.

Whether it be your goofy actions or the witty lyrics you campur aduk into a particular song,

you always know how to turn my frown upside down.

Thank you for always going beyond my expectations and showing me to never give up.

Happy 19th,huns.Thanks for sharing this perfectly imperfect life with me ^^

I needed to come and sit.And Write.

I feel I should introduce myself again, ummmm, Hi!
I'm Renee and this here is my bloggie blog.

it has been FOREVER since I've written.

Since I'm up at 5am this morning....actually hoping to chat with sherman on msn but I supposed he dozed off early cuz he usually sleeps at 2am burning the midnight oil,so,since I've on the PC....let me just update my blog ba...gosh how time actually flies like a bullet train!Now I've already started semester 2 which is rather boring.It's just so sad and frustrating knowing that every morning I wake up....another day without you around.My heartaches so badly knowing that it will be months n months till we meet again and how I wish I can see you right now.You make everything okay when you're around me.you make everything seems so easy and fun when you're there.Thanks to today's technology we are able to communicate as often as we want but the 5 hours time difference stands in our way but with determination and will....ntg stands in our way.No one says distanced relationship will be easy and yes it is tough but the tougher it gets the stronger we become.We can give nothing to each other since we are thousand miles away but the love and care is all we have to offer.We're positively looking forward to see each other every year and hopefully God makes everything smooth and purfectly fine for him abroad.I miss your company so badly lar...the perfect person who would play games n outdoor sports with me since we both have a huge passion for outdoor games,sports and not forgetting FOOD!hahaha.gosh I've became so skinny when you are not around....lost kilos when u left m'sia.No one would bring me out for fancy dining and buy me all those sweet dessert for the time being.haiz....You owe me 50 cones of ice-cream,50 cupcakes,50 sticks of satay celup,50 packets of sour cream chips and the list goes on lar....I miss you so frickin' bad lar and sayang u.