Thyroid Madness!

I don't know enough about anything to preach to anyone,

I don't have enough life experience to make assumptions about love,

about what it means and what it does to us.

but I've caught on recently,to something.

through a series of painful realizations,it's started to make an odd sort of sense.

not real sense,but the crazy,uninhibited sort of sense that only love can make.

I've realized that everything we make ourselves do,

everything we put ourselves through,there's no reason for it.

the things we say,

the places we go to on dates,

the pda,

the hand holding,

the little notes,

we only do these things because that's all we know of love.

that's what we've seen on television and read about in books.

that's the kind of love that we've been taught,is real.

but it's only action.

and actions might speak louder than words,but feeling means more than action.

it's like a twisted game of rock-paper-scissors.

I know that these things often do accompany real love......

because if you're in love,you WANT to hold his hand.

you want to leave a little note in his jacket pocket for his mom to find in the wash a week later, give to him,and know he's thinking of you.

you want to smell him,

you want him to hold you

&

tell you that you're perfect just the way you are.

you want to kiss him and make him feel good.

you want to listen to the music he listens to,

just in the hopes that it will help you understand him better.

you want to talk to his dog,and help his mom clean up in the kitchen,

talk sports with his dad.

you want to know everything.

you want to put his needs ahead of your own,

and you want to do it all so that he KNOWS you love him.

but doing it when you're legitimately in love isn't playing by the rules.

because in love,there are no rules.

no one to tell you that you're doing it wrong,not even yourself.....

because to worry and nit pick over the small things is to look back.

and love means not looking back.

love means holding him,and being afraid.....

because you could lose him at any moment,

but that fear is what keeps you hanging on.

in love,anything goes,and that's okay!!

that's what is so beautiful about it (:

is love fear?I don't think so.

but what do I know?I think I'm falling in love with HIM.

It feels good (:

I've never been so sure of anything.It's like,I've finally come to understand the difference between dread and fear,and those nervous butterflies that everyone keeps talking about.You want to know how I know?Because when I'm with you,I feel those butterflies fluttering around inside of me.But they don't make me want to run the other direction,like the fear has done before.If anything,they make me want to press myself as close as I can to you-face to face, heartbeat to heartbeat,because when I do that,the butterflies quiet their wings for a bit and they let me feel you.Feel all of you.And it's in those moments that I realize that the fear I feel is only surface level.It's the kind of fear you feel right before you turn on a bright light after hours of being in the dark.....just a few seconds before you open your eyes to see something so beautiful, something you couldn't see before.

For the first time in my life,I don't want to run away.I want to be with you(:

P.S. ok lovelies.....a few things for you.remember how a while back I posted about how I needed some new clothes..?well...I did it.last wednesday I indulged at Jusco {J CARD members' Day} and I'm a little sad cuz I'm broke right now!to be honest,I usually don't go to the movie theater that much....{even though it's a free ticket}I enjoy watching movies in the comfort of my own home=)I love my heart.I think I give it away too easily,and I share too much of it,and sometimes this means I get hurt…but I love deeply,and I care immensely,and I would truly go to the ends of the Earth for my friends and I wouldn’t have it any other way.I am amazed at how incredible I feel after doing something as simple as saying a cheerful “hello!”to a stranger on the street on my way to class,and I love being able to make someone else smile,even if it’s for the silliest little reason!!Loving can cost AAAAA lot,but not loving will always cost you more.So when in doubt… errRRMmmm on the side of love...okies??Until then...happy weekend,all.I promised you I'd be back.And whew,am I exhausted!

note:Love is something wonderful,so they say.And I've trusted them,until right now.