Monday, May 31, 2010

pardon me.

doesn't it seem like the days/weeks just go quicker and quicker
as each year passes?!?
time quite literally just flies by.
Class starts next week!!argh.
&
The Worst is yet to Come----->assignments piling up with no mercy.
*sigh*
I spent my weekend doing practically nothing.
lazing around.just staring at four walls.browsing the internet.raiding the refrigerator^^
It's that time of year again where my holidays are the most meaningless.aikss.
Anyway,I have a confession....
All I want today is a doughnut!!
A big,sticky,sugary,flaky-doughnut!
&
I miss licking the all the frosting off the tops of cupcakes!
I almost always want a bagel and cream cheese for breakfast,
I almost always want to say yes to dessert,
I almost always want to live off of thick macaroni and cheese and garlic bread
and there are days when I almost look in the mirror and get angry for being so greedy!
Blahh bla blahhh.
Lately I feel like doing a few things:
Throw shit.
Scream at shit.
Write hate mail about shit.
Set shit to flames.
{Just another random shit.}
note:To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more...
Remember:The time to love is short (:


Saturday, May 29, 2010

I'm not going back,I'm moving forward.

This week really stinks for some reason.
I have had this really weird feeling all week and I'm not liking it.
I think I need something to get me outtta this funk.
I think I need therapy.
Retail therapy,that is.
So tomorrow,I'm hitting the mall to release the tension in me.

Just to let you know,I'm going to have a good day.
I'm professing it.



This weekend is going to be fantabular.
Because I say so.



I'm going to smile,like I've never smiled before.
Because I want to.

hey Sunday,
You made me happy.


Oi Monday,
Let's be honest,you just suck.
This pretty much sums up my feelings towards you.
Mondaynight,you got even worse.

Damn you Tuesday,
YOU REALLY SUCKED

eh Wednesday,
You better be good to me k!

But really,today is good.
The sun is shining and I'm Smiling.
Thank you.
Just Random shitt.
OHHHHH LAYYY and Happy Stinkin' Saturday.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

get me outta here...puhlease!argh.

My life has been based heavily on a serious of choices
made from a carefully created pool of options.
Right,we are all living lives based off of choices we've made that
put us where we're at,but most people stay away from
busying themselves with endless options & choose
between the things that are readily available.
I've never been intimidated by the world.
I like a nice challenge.
The feeling of triumph,of conquering.
So,when I was 17 the thought that I'd simply apply to a uni
and spend the next four years of my life,
in one stinking building,
working towards one silly goal,
for an inevitable end result.
It wasn't even an option on my fancy,
handwritten list of dreams "worthy" of crossing off.
Unlike some,I think if I'm given an opportunity.....
I will rise above expectations!!heck yea.
My only fear was that others free will to choose otherwise,
would be the road block between me and my idea of success.
screw mmu.screw uni life.
*gasp*... did i just say that OUT LOUD?
'oopsy daisy.'

P.S. Life is fine,fine as wine!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The need to escape.

One day you're alone,

the next you've met this incredible person who so easily and effortlessly
was the exact thing you'd subconsciously been waiting for......
though,completely doubtful of them actually existing
&
by some uncomplicated,divine hand they're placed right there at reach.



One day you're certain that this is the resting point,
the point where everything just settles and this is "it."
The kind of "IT" where you're not moving,
you're just steadily existing in one spot....seemingly forever!
When you turn on the "tune out" button and in a moment,
"it" has shifted & suddenly you've opened doors

&
said "yes" to more than you could possibly handle.
You've taken a routine and shaken it up,
grabbing each little piece & carefully placing them into this new mosaic of a life you've jumped into,then standing back and admiring how well the mismatched,colorful pieces fit together.
One day it's just a dream,the next it's reality.



But it isn't a day,it isn't a single date or action.
It just feels that way.
It's a combination of slight shifts in your life.

The things you've said NO to and the things you've said YES to
without hesitation that makes it all feel like ONE DAY.
The "one day" when everything just worked itself out was really a slow moving process of thoughts,actions,desires,fears.
That all come together into an acknowledgement of being.
Everything I've wanted & everything I haven't wanted has been placed in the same garden
and been watered by the same powerful and contradicting energies,
thought process and vibrations and thus flourished into this significantly new way of existence. Of presence.



I read that today and it was so perfect for everything that I'm feeling right now.
The goodness that is consuming me was certainly unexpected,
though all of it was planted very cautiously and tended to meticulously and optimistically.
Even in subtle ways when doubt was the stronger belief.


Love came when it was meant to,
when I was ready for it.
Music came when I trusted that I had a voice for a reason
&
the right people came when I was unafraid to live in all of the
brilliance and spirit,inhibition and confidence
that I knew was lurking behind some unnecessary & unjustified negative belief
that stood,firmly,in it's way.
Our thoughts are what we plant,
our energy is what we water it with.
our truths are decided by what we believe,
in our heart and in our minds & when the things that we believe
are fed consistently with non-belief they'll stay buried under the soil until eventually,
they're completely forgotten & will remain unfulfilled prophecies sitting
somewhere beneath new cluttered ideas and half-hopes.
Allotting ourselves more responsibility for what grows into our lives is a powerful

&
scary thought....until you see that the good you've grown
was brought into being by your own hand (:
and that,is a frickin' amazing feeling.



P.S. Change starts the minute we wake up,IF we choose it.

Whatever you were thinking about "factioning",half-truthing.

lying about today......it's more than OKAY to just,tell the truth!!

Lying is a f**cking sin.So,stop lying and making a fool of yourself.argh!

Monday, May 24, 2010

One Word:Lost =*(

Read whats on my mind right now:
I don't generally wake up thinking,where is my boyfriend?Who got arrested?
and I wonder if this outfit is appropriate for jail visits?
It usually goes something like,yogurt or cereal and do I feel skinny today?
Blah blah blah.
I have somehow along the last couple of months lost sight of the fact that within me,
if I trust it,there's a deep,overflowing well of SECURITY.Of safety.
There's a thing that is bigger than desiring something,
bigger than want,bigger than the little ruts and bumps.
bigger than $20 dollars,
or $100 dollars,
bigger than right.
this.second.argh!
I'm not exactly
where I WANT to be,
but I have to TRUST that each little connection,diversion and misstep
are part of the bigger plan & instead of jeering at the things I don't want,
I can looking stead at the things I do......
knowing that all that I need,all that I want & all that I have......
are already here!!
Let the universe work out the rest.
We are constantly evolving.
Sometimes..............,
I feel like if we saw the bigger picture,
we would feel okay being all the things we want and love right now.
*sigh*

P.S. Today,I'm going to FINISH what I START!
"Life is sort of like riding a bike,
if you're always looking at the ground you're bound to fall".
Sometimes,there are MOMENTS,where I'm just afraid of falling.
*sigh*
note:Men are respectable only as they respect others.
&
“There are two sorts of affection:
the love of a woman you respect,and the love for the woman you love”!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

bitter sweet.



I am losing my blog drive.
It seems this has become a recurring theme the past few months.
Maybe it's because I had a good few months of incredible posts and now that's gone?
Who knows why the real reason is but I feel as if I'm starting to repeat myself.
change,love,fear,fashion..etc how many times can you read the exact same post before it becomes monotonous?
but then.....this is my blog and it's my life.
It's what I'm going through and I want documentation of it.
I don't do journals because I hate writing on paper.
I can type so much fast than I can write a couple of paragraphs
so obviously I'm going to take the easy way out.
One day this blog will be turned into a book and it will be my journal.
For the past year and a half this blog has been my sanctuary.
My freedom to say whatever it is,I want whenever I want.
Even though I lose my drive to blog every now and then,
I know I won't ever lose the drive to document my thoughts,
because lets face it,I have plenty!!
Things are tough right now.
Probably the hardest they've ever been.
I'm struggling in ways I never knew I could
&
sometimes I feel more alone than I ever have.
I know that I could say that things couldn't get any worse
but that is a definite lie.
Things can always get worse than they are but things can always get better than they are. Sometimes you have to let go of something
in order to get something even better than what that something was (:
trust me.

so that's it for now.looove you all!
*flying smooches!*

Saturday, May 22, 2010

beautiful.just beautiful.

Hey Hey Heeyyy people!
Final examination....
&
that's why I've been a bit absent from the blog world.
Holy Moly,can you believe my foundation course is already over??!
woohooo~time flies but me likey (:
WOAH WOAH WOAH,even MAY is starting to fly by!
I have been very stressed this couple of weeks due to my finals
and feel like I haven't had a second to stop and breathe.
Exams are over and I deserve a good break!I do.
My last paper was yesterday and overall....
I think business statistics paper was the toughest for me.
numbers are ugly creatures!hahaha.
&
the few easiest paper was definitely english,computer application II & accounts.
The last few weeks as I attempt to dress myself,I just sit and stare at my closet.
Literally,I stare while sitting on my bed.
I have so many articles of clothing,that some of them haven't even been touched yet,
but something is just isn't right.
Something is missing.
I am in desperate need of a shopping spree!!
I need new jeans,dress shirts,perfume and most importantly,heels.
I have had this urge to spoil myself with new,beautiful heels.
Do you ever have this moment?
Where you want to completely clean out your closet and start fresh??!!
gahh.
Have a fabulous weekend,peeps!
xoxo,
RENEE (:



Sunday, May 16, 2010

Jom Borak borak dgn I (:


Lately....I've been really busy with my studies cuz my exam starts on tuesday.I can't wait for my exam to finish le.Lately,I have been burning the midnight oil and making visits to the library every single day without FAIL.........haha kiasu sial.I'm exhausted hell.Plus I'm having a really bad cough due to some girl who coughs like a nobody's business without closing her damn frickin' mouth.BASKET.Not to forget those Pimples all over my forehead and the stupid ugly panda eyes.argh.But behind all this commotion,emotions,run deep as oceans explodin' tempers flarin' from within,I'm still very happy with a numerous number of things (: I wouldn't have put all those behind me if wasn't for you!Thanks for lifting me up "like a garage door",catching me thru every careless fall I made,lending me your ears and bringing me home safely every night. (: I realise ryte MALACCA semakin maju de and I'm so proud to be a malaysian.hahaha.There's tonnes of cool stuff awaits me after my stinky exam!faster lar time flies puhlease!More updates after exam lar okie???BYE.gd luck to all foundation students ya ^^

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Pictures that says a thousand words.

Have I ever mention to you guys that I'm a huge fan of
"SpongeBob Squarepants??"

enough said.

stop and rewind.

oh blog friends.
I am finding myself thinking way too much this week.
my poor head is trying to wrap itself around so much that I dont know what to do!
I have so many questions I'd love to ask
because I'd love to hear your opinions and advice
but don't feel like the world wide web is the best place to put these questions.
so many thoughts,interests,ideas.....
I've talked to a few good friends about some of the things on my mind
&
they have brought so much insight & prospective to my questions,
it's been very much appreciated and helpful!!
[I bet I'm driving a few of you crazy with mentioning this
&
not even telling you what it is I'm referring too!hah I'm sorry loves!]
and just for the record I wanted to tell you all a few things....
I love that I have made so many new friends over the past few months
and it feels like we've known each other for years (:
I love that when I wake up in the morning I have nothing do but smile
because life is really that fantastic ^^
I love that I can take a warm shower and it melts away the stress I had from that day!!
I love that my family supports me in whatever I decide to do =)
I love my friends for being there in my time of need
&
understanding where I stand in my life and accepting me for me.
I love the age I'm at and how I'm enjoying my freedom and youth.

P.S. I've finally chopped off my frickin awesome long nails aka
super long cat claws (:
I decided to chopped it ALL off cuz some were long and short.
I kept my nails for months and months okay.
kinda sad but
I can finally play the piano again,excel in AngelJam aka O2jam like last time,hold a pen properly,do house chores,play with my awesome hair{lol} and etc.hahahahahaha



much love. renee


Friday, May 7, 2010

I am curious about a few things.


Trust,Believing,Honesty.
How do you know you can trust someone?how do you know if what they are saying to you is true and not just a bunch of lies?how can you tell if they are being honest with you?
I AM CONFUSED.
P.S. sometimes boys just have a way with words that make you smile (:

Thursday, May 6, 2010

it's beyond amazing =)

I have always been a bit skeptical when it comes to love.
especially fairytalistic love.
like enchanted the movie.
don't get me wrong,
I've always wanted the fairytale and in my own way I know i'll end up with one....
but I hate watching these movies because
it gives a sense of hope for something that I don't really think can be reached.


it's not like I'm skeptical because I have never been in love,
because it's quite the opposite.
I'm in love...
&
I'm head over heels madly crazy in love.... (:
I couldn't even believe me,
a girl who didn't really believe in true love,
was in that exact situation.
I had found someone who wanted to be with me,
regardless of my stubbornness and crazy antics =)
he loved me for who I was and nothing was going to change that.
no matter how hard I tried to push him away,
he wasn't going for it.
P.S. I'm a 19 year old who enjoys shopping to the full extent
and loves the girly things in life...
welcome to my side of the world!! (:
As I slowly start to accomplish things in my life I am having a feeling of satisfaction.
Nothing can even describe the way I feel right now!!
WOOHOO~