honestly....

Hey everyone, I know I've been MIA lately but I'm back now.

I just needed a little bit of inspiration to hit me.

So, hi. And stuff.

I know, I know, I’m not here much lately.

But trust me, that is my gift to you.

Because if I actually DID try to write anything right now it would pretty much go like this:

blah blah EXAMS

blah blah blah KILL MYSELF

Blah Blah STRESSY boredom

BLAH SOMEONE SHOOT ME

BLAH WHERE?

---------------------------------------------------------------

Anyway,I'm a nice mix of masculine/feminine.

I'm the woman who really should brush her hair more

and not spend half an hour in the morning staring into the fridge and the biscuit tins.

I don't spend hours putting on make up, trying to look better than what I look now XD haha.....

I can totally be whatever type of woman I want to be.

right now i'm the woman who feels like i'm playing dress up when i put on make up and heels.

I hate getting up early so I never will be that girl who gets up an hour early just to fix her makeup and curl her hair.

I wish I were one of those women who get up at 6am,

go to the gym, shower and arrive at class impossibly fresh.

I roll out of bed 20 minutes before I'm supposed to be at campus,

eating breakfast with my eyes closed,

arrive 10 minutes late every goddamn day,

and spend the evening on the couch.

Not one of my nails are the exact same length because I'm the type of woman that bites her nails when she gets stressed - which is often.

I own more flip flops than actual shoes ^^

Every time I try to buy proper perfume I always come home with cotton candy body spray...

i'm the type of woman who has clothing with cartoon and large wordings on it. like...a lot.

I still call my mom about everything.

If a button falls off my favorite sweater? I Call mom.

How the hell long do I steam the corn? Call mom.

How do I know if eggs are going bad? Call mom.

so....What kind of woman are you?

Being A woman sounds exhausting,huh?

Being someone you aren't is even worst!

Being yourself is so much more fun and exciting.

A WOMAN...she doesn't need to rock tight clothing to prove she's sexy or feminine,

she doesn't have to rock paint and glossy lips to prove she's a lady,

she doesnt need a closet full of 3-4inch stilettos to prove she's all woman!!

because a real woman doesn't need much to showcase she's all woman.

so....ladies don't ever feel the need to be the chick in music videos or in magazines because I guarantee ya its alot of men out here that Loves a real woman VS a made up one!!

No need to be materialistic and so concerned about "VANITY" because in the real world all a real man want and need is a real woman!

sheesh......We as women need to stop competing with each other,

stop being bitchy,

keep our cool,

and spend less time in the bathroom and more time outside.

We need to communicate with each other in a true and

heartfelt way to realize that we are a family.

....could be worse I suppose....

I miss my younger me...

I looked down at my hands today

&

I realized I don't have little kid hands anymore,

my hands have signs of work in them,

my veins are visible and my fingers are long like my Mother's[actually mine's even longer]

I always loved her hands and remember looking at my little girl hands

wishing they weren't so small.....

weren't so stumpy,

I wanted elegant hands to put pretty rings on

and nails long enough for French manicures.

I don't know when it happened but today my hands belonged to a woman,

they didn't belong to a little girl anymore

and it made me miss being young with my whole body....

It made me miss everything about it,the curiosity,the innocence.

I miss clutching to my Daddy's hands that were so much bigger than mine,

that protected and took care of me.

I miss swinging all of my body weight on one grip.

I miss picking out dresses and patent leather shoes that you could see your reflection in.

I miss licking the all the frosting off the tops of cupcakes,

I miss picking dandelions and crushing the yellow petals between my delicate tiny little fingers.

I miss thinking a vanilla ice cream cone was the best thing in the whole world,

and that chicken noodle soup could really cure anything or a kiss would make anything feel better..I miss when I didn't know what it felt like to miss somebody,

and I was just excited to see someone I loved at the end of the day.

When I didn't know the feeling of sorrow,or hearts falling when I didn't know that not everyone in the world is kind and open.

When I assumed "good" was always the outcome

and if someone "promised" that was enough of a contract.

I miss sticking my tongue out at strangers,making strange noises and throwing temper in public.

I miss being connected to myself enough to cry when I was sad.

When being analytical,calculated,and manipulative weren't a means to get what you wanted,

but a simple "please" would do.

The times when I was conscious of saying my "thank you's" and "excuse me's."

I miss when I was supposed to have a sense of wonder,

and people wouldn't warn that soon I would be "hardened" I miss softness.

Blankies,and stuffed animals!

I miss bedtimes and birthday parties,crushed Goldfish and "snack time."

Bad hair and purple nail polish.

When I didn't have to be accountable.

When the only fear I knew was that of the dark.

When the perfect vacation was one that involved people in costumes with pink cheeks,

and parades.

"Play dates" over real ones.

Before insecurity and awareness,before anxiety and doubt,

before I knew anything about my body and I used it as a means to live in

....skip,stretch,climb, and ride bikes.

I miss when guilt, lack, regret, or disappointment weren't emotions that existed to me.

I miss when love was really unconditional,

when faith just was,

and security always meant Mom and Dad.

When I look at my hands I'm proud of them,

I like that they look like my Mom's,

that they move quickly and have strength,

I just wish that they could have stayed young,

that I could have stayed young...a little bit longer....

but I'm reaching my twenties by next year.sigh :(

it's aint easy being cheesy

i know i haven't posted anything exciting or interesting lately.
for that, i apologize.
i'm feeling uninspired
and confused about the direction i want this blog to be heading in.

.. you're shopping at your favorite store
and you're in the clearance section. duh.
and you're looking for a cute cardigan
because it's always cold in your class.

then you find the cardigan
and it's on the 50% off clearance rack.
and you're excited.
but you keep looking around.
and then you see this skirt.
a skirt you've never seen before
at any target, on any rack,
especially not on a clearance rack.
and it's SO pretty.
you love it.
but it's only 30% off.
the price tag says RM99

it's not that great of a deal,
but you love that skirt.
eventually, you leave with just the cardigan.
a cute cardigan that you'll wear often.
3 days later,
you can't stop thinking about
that skirt!
you can't believe you didn't get that skirt.

you don't know how you'll wear it.

or where you'll wear it.

all you can think about is that
you need that skirt.
so you look online.
it's not there.
is there any chance that the skirt
is still on that clearance rack?
what's a girl to do?!

To a wonderful Little Man.

Happy 19th Birthday,my gorgeous,wonderful,and ever-so-special sweetie!

I hope your day is filled with joy,laughter and sunshine!

You make me smile when you laugh and when you get silly...

I couldn't be more proud to have you as a person in my life (:

I Miss and Love you to pieces.

I love you dearly! :-)

We were just kids when we were together.What did we know?

Well,I suppose I'm more of a realist.I love my hubs.Don't get me wrong.

But our six years together have certainly been anything but awesomeness.
Long distance. Disappointments. Stress.

But there have also been beautiful moments.

Moments of joy.Moments of happiness and laughter.

Moments that can be enjoyed and appreciated only after one has endured

those less than stellar days....

I am missin my main squeeze.my hunka hunka big daddy!!

Just sayin...I miss you so very much.!!

come home...Quick ! ^^

Thank you for always bringing a smile to my face.

Whether it be your goofy actions or the witty lyrics you campur aduk into a particular song,

you always know how to turn my frown upside down.

Thank you for always going beyond my expectations and showing me to never give up.

Happy 19th,huns.Thanks for sharing this perfectly imperfect life with me ^^

I needed to come and sit.And Write.

I feel I should introduce myself again, ummmm, Hi!
I'm Renee and this here is my bloggie blog.

it has been FOREVER since I've written.

Since I'm up at 5am this morning....actually hoping to chat with sherman on msn but I supposed he dozed off early cuz he usually sleeps at 2am burning the midnight oil,so,since I've on the PC....let me just update my blog ba...gosh how time actually flies like a bullet train!Now I've already started semester 2 which is rather boring.It's just so sad and frustrating knowing that every morning I wake up....another day without you around.My heartaches so badly knowing that it will be months n months till we meet again and how I wish I can see you right now.You make everything okay when you're around me.you make everything seems so easy and fun when you're there.Thanks to today's technology we are able to communicate as often as we want but the 5 hours time difference stands in our way but with determination and will....ntg stands in our way.No one says distanced relationship will be easy and yes it is tough but the tougher it gets the stronger we become.We can give nothing to each other since we are thousand miles away but the love and care is all we have to offer.We're positively looking forward to see each other every year and hopefully God makes everything smooth and purfectly fine for him abroad.I miss your company so badly lar...the perfect person who would play games n outdoor sports with me since we both have a huge passion for outdoor games,sports and not forgetting FOOD!hahaha.gosh I've became so skinny when you are not around....lost kilos when u left m'sia.No one would bring me out for fancy dining and buy me all those sweet dessert for the time being.haiz....You owe me 50 cones of ice-cream,50 cupcakes,50 sticks of satay celup,50 packets of sour cream chips and the list goes on lar....I miss you so frickin' bad lar and sayang u.

Busier than a busy bee

Most people thought I wasn't much of a dog person,and they used to be right.I do love animals, don't get me wrong,......I just loved them more when they weren't jumping or licking me and loved them best from a distance.hahaha

A simple life that is full of love.

I got out of the shower last night and was greeted by the mirror staring back at me.

I tousled my hair.

I turned to the side.

I moved closer.

Ech.

I moved farther away.

I wished I could Picnik airbrush away all of my flaws.

I know good and well that nobody out there is perfect,

but it doesn't stop a girl from wishing.
I wished my hair were perfectly bouncy and pinned back pretty,

my skin were porceline and pure,

my eyelashes were thick and curled

,my body were thinner,longer, stronger

and my chipped nails were filed,buffed and perfectly pink...or purple...or blue.

I sighed,threw on pajamas and moisturized my tired skin.

I crawled in bed and flipped through the pages of a magazine.

As I layed there watching the pretty faces and perfect bodies dance across the pages.....

I asked myself,"Why are people so obsessed with celebrities/models?

They're just people."

I thought for a moment and then answered...

"I don't know."

& I'm not sure I do.

We're all flawed...

and I guess that's kind of beautiful.

I've been busy lately.I find myself making lots of lists.

Sometimes lists make me feel better and sometimes they just overwhelm me

& make me feel worse.

But even in those overwhelmed moments,

I think lists are a necessary evil.

Sometimes I like an old school list(like if I need to get a bunch of things done in one day)

juz another random post.

I have been a bad blogger.I dun seem to find anything interesting to blog about.My class starts next monday and I'm so sad that the two weeks holiday has flown by so quickly!dammit la cuz I still haven't enjoy to the max!Studying life is so boring and sometimes can be quite hectic n crazy with those assignments,midterms,quizzes and finals!haizzzzzzzz....life is so short when we look at a wide angle...we spend half of our lives in school then another half in our working lives.Sometimes,we are running out of ideas in making our lives interesting and worthwhile.What else shud I crap about here ar???running out of words le.hahahaha.Lets talk about heels and fashion shall we?I'm crazy about killer heels and chio clothings!the more bling there is....the better it gets!I am juz amazed at their beauty and elegance.It's juz esquisive lar.hahahaha but I don't actually put them on cuz I'm not that girly kinda girl.I prefer a simple T-shirt and boy's pants cuz its more comfy,more macho and easier to do things with those outfits.I'm a very flexible person actually.I don't mind playing in mud/walking in the rain/putting on a hideous outfit.I'm quite determined towards the things I have set my goals on and I'll make sure I get it done or else I will have trouble sleeping for days.hahahaha.I'm suck at breaking the ice cuz I'm more of the shy shy type when it comes to unfamiliar faces.I can barely even look at my friends eyes when i speak to them cuz I dont even noe lar.And screw my eyes sight.I have been walking passed so many people that I kenal without greeting them although I stared directly into their eyes!arghhhhhhhhh.Truth is I stare into you but I see NOTHING but juz a blur figure ><" but the people will salah faham and think I show off....It's not that I don't want to put my spects on but I'm so used to not wearing my spects and my eyes get super pain + migrain after quite some time when i wear it.haizzzzzzz.i tried contact lenses so many times and I failed to wear it too!!I just wear those contacts for one hour n my eyes can go buta u noe?!so red and painful sial.....i wonder how those chics can put it on for hours n hours !!!!hahahaha.so weirddd le.Nvm lor.maybe i'm not meant to be girly girly kinda girl so I'll stick to my macho style which is so me.ok la.enuff of crap here.wan go watch tv jor,bye bye...




note:renee is so lame especially in person.Don't even bother knowing her.she will kill you with her boredness and lameness.Plus her *never talk so much* attitude...worsen the atmosphere!hahahaha.renee is a crazy sweet lover and she have this crazy looking bag filled with food (fried bihun,mee goreng,nasi lemak,chocolate,CNY/hari raya/deepavali/x-mas leftovers cookies n cakes/sweets/cupcakes,all kinda bread...you juz name it *kaya,peanut,vanilla,raisin,butter,choco,sausage,tuna,otak,etc*,fried chicken,and god knows wad else lar.hahahaha.she eats in class,inside the toilet,in the library anywhr u name it!hahahahaha.told u she's weird n sometimes show NO emotion towards anything.wakakakaka

=)

Dear Shermie,

Four months! Wow. How did that happen?! It seems like only yesterday we were hanging out and now you are thousand miles away from M'sia. Gosh...I miss you so freaking bad. It stinks that we are only able to see each other from the teeny weeny webcam screen *sighs*. We can barely even talk on the phone for 5 minutes due to the expensive distance calls. I rmbr I tried calling you last time and 1 minute can cost up to RM3! gosh I can barely even share with you how my day was cuz 5 minutes my credit also empty jor. I just know that distance isn't a barrier that will stop us from being together.The distance make us strong and less dependent on each other.As I was growing up...I was always very dependent on you cuz you were always there to pick me up when I fall and it was tough at first but right now.....I'm adapting to my new environment. I need someone to coach me and play wid me outdoor sports cuz I love outdoors but I never seem to meet anyone with the same interest as me but you.As we know...these days kids damn lemah lembut and scared of the sun * puteri/putera lilin konon* You were always so active in every game and you are just the purfect person to coach me. I used to work out at the gym carrying weighs and you were always there to teach me the right things but now....i seem to be doing all this activities alone,by myself which I personally love it cuz I'm the type whom can't get along wid anyone so I rather be alone. I don't believe in hanging out wid a big group cuz i just hate the caos and the gossiping. I don't believe in best frens too. I just think there is no sucha a thing as friends forever.Ada ke benda karut macam tu?okay maybe frens till few years but at the end of the day.....friends also have their own stinky life la and everyone wil move their own way. I believe in *till death do us apart*. I read tonnes of real life stories where the elderly married couples loved each other till the day they died and it's really touching when you read their love poems that they compose for one another. I'm so glad we are doing this together and I'm supporting you in everything tat you do and may god bless you thru the ups n downs.

blah

Hi everyone!!I miss you and blogging terribly and wanted to give you a quick update on what's been going on with me.When it comes to blogging...I tend to have nothing to type about but the truth is MY Life has been a roller-coaster up to now,the twists and turns,the ups and downs and eventually the stop at the end.hahahaha.First and foremost,I don't really understand why so many people actually take facebook and blogs stuff so seriously.come on!can't a girl just have some fun and freedom on watever crap she wants to spill?GEeesh!
Yea the truth is I'm a rebellious lil brat.I do not follow rules and regulations.I rather do things my own way.I hate people bossing me around and telling me what's right or wrong.So just shut the fuck up and do your own thing and let me do mine.This way...both parties are happy.I will never get a job well done when you ask me to,instead if you don't tell me/order me to do it....I will secretly do the job till it's perfectt!weird rite?thatz just plain old me.I love making my parents angry so I purposely/unintentionally do the things they hate and do the things they love me to do behind their backs.I'm sucha freak but wat the hell.I hate people who brags about how good and how great they are.Wtf lar.who the hell are you to judge your ownself lar?I am just talking in general and NOt actually directing this to anyone so pls don't be an asshole and take blogging so seriously.That's why I hate blogging stuff cuz PEOPLE just take things so seriously.if you are a control freak,I begged you to stop that shit cuz you are just making yourself look like a fifty year old person!Omg yes I don't usually talk that much shit but this crap has been inside me for a long period of time.juz gotta let it go!I usually sit alone at the corner,juz observing the crowd and I just hate girls/guys who walks and gang up in a group and can't stop bad mouthing people's stuff.Girls who blocks the effin toilet mirror just to fix their make up simply gets on my nerve too!And I hate ppl asking me about my stuff or wateva I'm up to cuz dammit can't you just mind your own blardy business???yes I'm a LONER by choice and I hate crowds or People hanging onto me cuz it gets on my blardy damn nerve but i never show it out.When I don't speak to you...you better get miles away from me or else....I'll make a voodoo doll of YOU out of garbage and sand and rusting needles poking thru ur throat.

I'm the NEW kid & I'm renovating my life.

This has been a seriously LONG week.

I woke up this morning and all I could think was WOW....I'm so incredibly grateful for this brilliant,beautiful life that I live in.

Lately,I've been running my mind into the ground,

overly exhausted and mentally strained....

I haven't had the time to just BREATHE,

or enjoy all of the incredible things that are right at my fingertips.

I'm hardly inspired to blog.

This past week,I was tested- hardcore.tested.

So.I want nice things.There....I said it.
I want to be able to buy unnecessary items like men's trimmer,

and Gingerbread shaped baking tins.

But more importantly,I want to be able to LIVE.

Live my life,cross off lists,live bountifully not BLEAKLY.

So,let me sum up the awesomeness:

I'm back-eight pounds bigger,

more hot-headed than ever

&

Burning up,anger and fire coming out of my nose.

I'm in a world of pure imagination

&

being alone is the best way to be.

--------------------------------------------------------

Life isn't cereal.It's not that simple.

WHAT TO DO DO WITH MYSELF,ISN'T CEREAL.

We don't always know.We don't have "that GUT instinct.

"Our heart doesn't always "guide our way."
It is possible to have the answer and the question,

the yes and the no,existing as one.Conflicted much?

Yes.

..........More stories to come later.

Hi Sunday,I've never been so happy to see you.Let's make out.

I just wanted to take time and apologize to all of you for the long silence.I have been studying hard.I haven't posted anything for quite a long time now and I am really sorry about that.There are few things I needed to sort out and quite frankly updating my blog was the last thing in mind.Time flies when,well,you've been going through a lot.


note:GLEE!If you're not watching,you should.It's one of the smartest scripts on television.
You should watch for Sue Sylvester's one liners alone.

I will try to be here more often,and keep you posted on my daily NOT SO COOL AND RATHER BORING activities.

xoxo,

renee (:

i miss u

I’m really at a loss as to what I should be doing,perhaps because my mind is clouded by emotion.

patience is the key to every woman's heart ^^

you would sit for hours....patiently waiting for me,without making one single complaint.....is enuff to melt my heart to stone.I've never come across before such person like you before darl.I will miss your company : * (
I would miss your love,laughter,humor,jokes,motivation,inspiration and etc....I wish you could be here for me and I wish I could be there for you too....however,place and time is not on our side:(

Thanks for the craziness!!

Tomorrow will probably be my last time seeing you before u depart frm m'sia.Arghhh gonna miss u so very much!!!basically sayang....I'm so blessed n thankful for all the time spent with you and for all the pampering that you've given to me.Thanks for everything from the biggest to the tiniest sacrifice (: Thanks for cycling and running miles for me!you would cycle all the way to my house just to have a glance or two at me!tho you are physically,mentally & emotionally exhausted from your head to your teeny weeny toes but you're stil standing so strong as a person.Thanks for all the useful advice and guidance that you've shown me.Thanks for the chaos *in a good way*.Thanks for feeding me such awesome food and thanks for gaining my weight another extra 15 pounds =) thanks for everything la sayang.

I'm gonna miss you so very much!

the days when we were separated a THOUSAND miles away seems to pass by very slowly and I remember those days where I would slash off every single day in my calendar......hoping the day where you were able to return home gets closer and closer!!The time spent with you right now is just so limited and there's so many things I wish I can do with you before you go abroad for another year again.However,time is not on our side since you'll be leaving M'sia next week =......( Time seems to be going faster when you're around me and that's sickening because as everyday that passes by,I knew the day where you have to leave m'sia was approaching.For the past one month and a half time spent with you,I've gained back all my bubbly and happy side in me.I used to be very emotional and sad when YOU left bcuz It's YOU who spend most of your time with me when we were growing up into a teenager.I was lost and alone when you were away.we've both missed out a lot on each other for the past one year and being able to even have a glance on you means so much to me.We are running out of time and seeing you every single day just makes my day so bright and joyful.I'm gonna miss the pampering,attention,comfort,love,kindness,and basically everything that you've done for me for the past six years with you.It's crazy thinking how long our journey is going to be but we believe with love and affection,strength and strong will power we'll hopefully walk down the aisle together.*amen*.....You told me I was beautiful and even though a few people tell me that,I think you're the only one who really meant it.For you were the only one who really took the time to look =)I know when you leave,the distance will keep us apart but distance,no matter how far,can't change these feelings in my heart.We are forced to separate for some time, but sayang,don't be sad,for it's just a test of true love (: I wish you all the best in your future endeavours and I wish you well on all journeys you partake in life.Have a safe journey and I'll be waiting for you with my arms wide open okays?^^ I may not get to see you as often as I like.I may not get to hold you in my arms all through the night but deep in my heart I truly know, you're the one that I love and I can't let you go.Thank you for everything sweetheart :D

Love you yesterday,love you still,always have,always will =)

note:If you really love someone,put their name in a circle,not a heart!!

Because a heart can easily be broken but a circle goes on forever ^^

Open your heart.

You learn that life isn’t always fair and you don’t always get what you think you deserve and you stop personalizing every loss or disappointment.You learn to accept that sometimes bad things happen to good people and that these things are not an act of "God"......but merely a random act of fate.And you stop looking for guarantees because you’ve learned that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected and that whatever happens,you’ll learn to deal with it....

In order to start,we must make a decision.

Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect.

It is this fragile thread that binds us to each other.

So I've made the switch to tumblr....

I'm using tumblr now to blog.
http://according2renee.tumblr.com/

The randomness going on inside my head today!

Beauty is not in the face,beauty is a light in the heart.
P.S. Have a fantastic weekend everyone!!

I miss him a WHOLESTINKINLOT.

we had a blast for the Past Few Weeks (:

couldn't ask for more.....wouldn't settle for less.

insanity!

I don't know if it's totally a true story but

the pictures tell a lot about what's going on in there....

when you see the first picture,

you think how amazing the place is like it's a miracle of nature,

but as you move on you face the reality!

there's no miracle and it has nothing to do with the climate or something!

it's just another stupid scene...

well,there's this queer celebration which is held every single year in Feroe Island,DENMARK. and the purpose of it is the fact that teenagers prove themselves to be adults by hunting and killing hundreds or thousands of Calderon dolphins!

and people attend that celebration all around just to have fun and to see what's going on.

and they do nothing to stop it!

yeah,it is some kind of a ceremony that teens step into maturity.

but I couldn't decide what is mature after I saw the view....

it really made me sick!

and as you can imagine,Calderon dolphins are so close to extinction because of a god awful understanding....so here you can see how disgraceful and dishonorable the act is..

I'll leave it to your judgement:

can you blardy believe it??
i still can't!!

my jaw drops ^_*

You knew it was gonna happen sooner or later that I would do a Twilight post.

However,this one's got a little spice.
I rarely (if ever) mention risque topics on my blog.

But let me tell you,these images of K. Stewart and R. Pattinson have me all hot and bothered.
Seriously,someone please break it down,

give me the equation that makes these two (together) ooze sex appeal.

These are some of the most lustful images I've seen.

Agree or disagree (Team Edward or Team Jacob),

you can't deny these. are. Hot. Mmmmmmm.

Will one (or more) of you lovely readers confirm that these two

are indeed quite appealing together?

Surely,I don't stand alone.

thanks for sticking around somehow.....

love you all.....and hope y'all are doing fine..
What are you doing this weekend?

If I could have my way,

I would love to run along the beach and have a splash in the water!!

have a kickass weekend,

XOXO,

RENEE (: