Awesomeness.I am in such good spirits!

Hi readers!=)
Since we’re getting to that time of year
when everyone starts to think about the New Year
&

reflect upon the changes they would like to make in their lives,
I’ll confess to you my New Year’s resolution.
2010 is going to be the year that I declare as the year where
I think about myself first and my happiness first!!
I’m no longer going to do the things that make me unhappy.
I will start to do things every day that guarantee my happiness!!!
WOO~HOO!!
P.S. 2009 has been a year I won't forget.

A lot of good times mixed with some bad ones.

But life isn't always perfect XD

Sometimes moments in life suck.
Anyway,I would like to wish all readers
"a very happy,healthy and successful 2010!!"

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JUZ READ.
I'm currently using MMU's computer.I'm here with my darlings.I'm done with my economics presentation that was on last thursday.It was bad.I totally freak out when it was my turn to speak up in front of the whole class.I'm done with my english presentation too=) Guess wat??The nite before my english presentation only I knew that our presentation is tomorrow.Wtf rite??yea.My brain was numb.haha.I quickly sat in front of my PC and start searching for points and pushed myself to the max!!!Tired hell.The following day,that was on my english presentation day,I met up with my other group members to combine our powerpoint slide and damn I was struggling to memorize my points.wat the heck man!!haha but we pull thru,LOL.On that particular tuesday nite,I was told by one of my group member that our computer assignment and presentation is going to be on this coming Monday!!wtf!!!So yesterday,I pushed myself to the max and I completed my part of the assignment.Thank god=)btw,I can't wait for tonight.COUNTDOWN FOR THE NEW YEAR baby!!!yea=)woot woot~I pretty excited too cuz frm tomoro onwards till sunday,I training to be a photographer!!chio le??haha.I'm gonna take tonnes of pretty pictures with those huge fuji camera's and make ppl feel pretty,LOL.Now,I'm left with MY FINAL examination that I shud get worrried about and I promise I'll study my ass off by this monday nite,after my computer presentation.For now,let me party hard,play hard and rock hard!!!Till then readers.I'm going to class now=)bye~

For me,there is no pain greater than emotional pain.

In my pain,I learned to trust.

I learned to live moment by moment.

I learned humility.

I learned the true meaning of joy.

I learned to be content in even the worst of circumstances.

I learned that what doesn't break me only serves to make me stronger.

I learned more than anything,

that sometimes,

it's just neccessary to feel the pain.

It's important to trust GOD.

Even when it doesn't seem like he's working,he is.

He always always is.

I get caught up in thinking. Too much thinking. And instead I need to stop and pray.

Note:Due to this fast paced life I live,

I am making some changes because,

you know,

I find breathing to be an important part of life.

He turns 18!!

It's 2010 and I'm still posting stuff that happened last year.LOL

{wth who cares}

I'm kinda sibuk lar.......

This child's birthday was on the 27th of December.

His loving girlfriend had a surprise party for him cuz he complains that he never had a b'day party before.{poor fella....}anyway,a few of the girls{including me....=p} helped out,sorted things out and yea the surprise party was awesome hell.He's happy.His girlfriend was exhausted yet happy.I'm happy.Everyone's happy.We had BBQ and we cooked a few dishes{sebab takut tak cukup makanan}A few of his friends were invited.A few familiar faces that you ppl might know also came to join the fun and excitement,LOL.I stayed there and chit chat with my darlings till 2a.m. and I was tired hell that nite.I juz love parties.It's a good way to release stress and kill boredom tho.Below are some pictures taken in random order.The rest of the pictures are uploaded in my facebook.{feel free to check it out yea ^^}

The birthday boy and of course his gf

His birthday "cake".
You guys must be wondering,why buRger??
cuz he LOVES Filet-O-Fish alot!


the food

ze yond showing off his assets.haha

marshmallows!!

the people who attended

busy playing poker

say cheese!!!!!

"feel free to watch this video":

*Damn funny,hahahaha*

Love you guys!

I need a life.I do.I'm sad.

Now it's 3a.m.I'm waiting for sherman to online skype and i've been waiting for about half and hour already.haizzzzzzz.I can usually wait till 2 hours plus but now so damn sleepy+tired de because I just only came back from a suprise birthday party.I've been so busy eating since afternoon till 1 hour ago.I had luncheon at Kings Hotel and I had BBQ at the party just now.I ate my last piece of panggang chicken at 1.40a.m.Now my tummy so Buncit de.Fei fei liau lorrrr....Finals examination is around the bushes and I got tonnes of stuff to study.Two more blardy assignments to be done in 2 weeks time.So damn emo rite now.I Feel so malas and emotional.My favourite phrase " Life is meaningless"!!!!!!

P.S. I love musicals.

Love them like a piece of chocolate cake with fudge icing.

Well,I'm very depressed.

That slight ache in my heart,soul & mind.

Someone please Help me get rid of the Pain!

I should Stop thinking.
&
Stop Breathing & just Die.

The thoughts of my mind are still & instead my heart is open.

Why am I so Fucking stubborn??!!!

How I wish I could make it better.

Make it change.Make it different.

= (

And how I wish I had once had someone to tell me & help me out.

I need a therapist!!

The truth is,there are no words.There are no cure.

For some things there are just no explanations!!

It is just something that simply still exists.

And it is real.So personally real.
It hurts me terribly =.......(

How the hell can I get rid of this imaginary thinking out of my mind?

Arghhhh > = (

Depressing much??

I'm so empty inside right now.

{To be continued...}

I fell in love with a man,with my life&with my surroundings.

Here are a LIST of things that I've been up to,

25.12.09[christmas]

5am-Chat with Sher on skypiee!

10a.m-Offline

11am-Do house chores

12noon-Go out for lunch

1~3pm-Go JJ with Mum

3-5pm-Bath,eat,sleep

7pm-TV,emo,facebooking

9pm-Go diane's hse

11pm-Yam cha with Ah B

1am-ZZZzzzz

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

26.12.09[Today]

10am-wake up,eat breakfast,watch cartoon

11-3pm-Study

4pm-eat,zZZzzz

5pm-Go find my Ah B,go Mydin kai kai,LOL

-the End-

lame

As the TIME moved forward,taking my maturity with it,

I began to learn.
Life began to happen.
Pain multiplied=(

It became something real,

not just something internal I chose to torture myself with.

It was tangible.It was there.

Life brought me anxiety.Anxiety brought me fear.
Yet I vowed.I would not be held captive.
I would fight For mySELF!arghhh*

In time,in short time,I will be face to face with the final hurdle.
But I won't run.I won't hide.
I won't allow in that fear that wants to grip my thoughts and mind.
For again,I now have something to lose.

But even more to gain.

Emo much??ish,I dun wanna be Emotional!!

Arghhhhhh >= (

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

btw,

here are some pictures uploaded in random order:

We were at Ivan Low's House for steamboat.

It was on the 24/12 {christmas eve}

*there are tonnes of pictures taken by Ivan in his

super duper huge camera*

I love those huge camera's.But damn $$$$ lar....

"Christmas Countdown at Xuan Music Cafe":

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*

*

V

note:Lekha will kill me when she watches this video!!Haha

P.S. Let's hope tomoro is better than today.

I'm just having a hard week.

This is going to be a random post.

It's Christmas!!
I am feeling the holiday spirit big time.

I can't believe how the time has flown.

Christmas is all about family,friends,food and presents,

but I just wanted to quickly drop by my blog to send

*a special Christmas Greetings* to all of you!

***************************
Last night,Eve of Christmas Eve,

I celebrated with a bunch of old friends.

It is sort of like a *reunion gathering* cuz

I've not seen many faces for a long long time.

basically,We had steamboat at Ivan's House.

Later,a few cars drove{i was in the passenger seat the whole time,lol^^}

to "Xuan Music Cafe" for the Christmas Countdown.

=)

__________________________________

I wake up mostly everyday

at about 4-5a.m and sometimes 6a.m in the morning

to chat with SHERmiee on skype(:

That's why I'm so effin tired during lecture class=(

I hate the time zone difference cuz

it's so so hard to catch up with him!!!

5 hours is a big time gap,iTellYou!!argh*

He is basically having examination every single day.

*poor fella*

We're here celebrating christmas and the coming New Year

but

He's studying his ass off right now.*sigh*

I just MISS Him alot.

When I'm EMO,

I'm either hungry or sleepy or

sedang RINDU this fella...

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
V

No one has made me

smile as hard,

laugh as hard,

or

be completely myself

as he does(:

I look at this picture also I feel so stressed out already.LOL

xoxo
_____________________________

Below are some pictures in random order:

Picture above:
Ron handmade these christmas cards for us(:
terima kasih banyak-banyak.
Most of my classmates receive it.
Very cantik rite??
Consider very geng man cuz I don't think I can handmade that many cards on my own.
I will sure EMO and kill myself wan.LOL


picture above:
*portuguese settlement*

___________________________________

Last Tuesday[22.12.2009],

St.David High School + SFI

held an "INSTALLATION NITE"

at Hotel Equatorial,Malacca.

Ticket price:RM35

Dress Code:Formal attire

Time:7-11p.m.

Since my sister and her date+my BFF and her date mahu pergi,

so I pun join pergi bersama-sama (:

Lagi ramai orang,Lagi meriah!!LOL!!!

*pictures below:camwhoring moments*

note:more pictures are uploaded in my facebook.

On the dance floor.

Good Girls Gone Bad+Wild.

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*

*

Below are 2 videos taken by me:

Feel free to watch.

#1.Dance performances by the guys.

#2.The crowd Heated Up The Dance Floor.

I hope you all are having a great time,wherever you may be.

Have a Merry Christmas(:

I really wish you and yours all the best of the season:
love,cheer,goodwill and
hope.
XOXO,

Renee

24/12/09 *christmas eve*

I hate you.[8.05a.m]
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs[8.06a.m]
I don't want to do this anymore[8.07a.m]
I want everything back and I mean,EVERYTHING!
I just want a place to hide *temporary*
I hate you[8.10a.m]
hate you so very much.
*HOPE??*
i dun think so.not anymore.
I just need a miracle.I just need a place somewhere.

My life is an adventure.

Okay,my friends.Do I ever have a story for you!

for some bizarre reason I have been an emotional wreck the past few weeks.

I don't like being like this.It isn't who I am.

I like being tough.

I like having that hard shell,well most of the time,

because it keeps me protected from getting hurt.

Fyi:I'm not a good blogger lately.

Just as you all were starting to really love me*vomits*

***********************************

btw,People keep telling me that I fall in love too easily.

&

That I should protect my heart,

that I shouldn’t wear my heart on my sleeve.
I fall in love at least 20 times a day.

I fall in love with the sky,the sun,the stars & the flowers.

I fall in love with smiles,with music on the radio & the sound of laughter.

I fall in love with pretty dresses,high heels & sexy lingerie...

basically,anything beautiful lar.
Sometimes I fall in love with complete strangers,

especially the ones holding hands and smooching in public.

The ones who aren’t afraid to be in love with the idea of being in love either.

___________________________________________

Dear Santa,
I've been asking Santa for a lot of things this year,

but I'm thinking that maybe He's losing his hearing,LOL.

a few of my wishes have yet to be fulfilled.

He is,after all,a pretty old dude.

So,santa,I forgive you=)

Below are some pictures in random:

left:Sharon,a great friend of mine since high school,

ME[the widest smiling face], and my sista.

picture above:Sharon[muka selepas tengok porno]*high*

***********************************

picture below:Sharon tie my hair until neck also senget.

My neck pun sama senget.

haha

Sharon and my sister were busy plaiting my hair.

They're pulling the hair out of my scalp.arghh!!

OUCH i tell ya!!OUCH!!!

&

they can never stop commenting about my hair.

LOL

anyway,here is the final results.

After all the screaming,criticism,pain...*sigh*
*roll the drums pls!*

*

*
*
*
*

*

*

*
*
V
Tada!!

nigro punya hairstyle.Chio?

eeee my hair so panjang.

They did *quite* a good job lar.

note:I will be back soon.I have a million things I want to share,
things on my mind and burdens to carry.
I need to put a few things down.Take them off my back.
Remove a few burdens from my shoulder.
Celebrate the good.
Enjoy year 2009 and the following years to come.
After all,that's what matters in the end.
bye~
happy monday everyone=)

I had a Surprise Birthday Party for....

my one and only darling,

Sharon Lee (:

D.O.B:7th of December 2009

However,I Celebrated her birthday on the 10th of December 2009.

opss,I was 3 days late.Nah,not my fault.She was in KL.

But

as soon as she came back to malacca,

I rang her hubby to help me out.

I asked him to drive her to Jaya Jusco,KFC at 6.45p.m sharp.

However,they were late.LOL

I like it when her face was in a state of shock.

0.0????haha

I texted and called a few of her friends.Many couldn't make it.

Anyway,We had a blast.

most importantly,

She was happy.I was happy.

=)

It was handmade by ME=)
Cantik kan??

The people who attended the party:

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*

*

*

*

V

above:Me & Vanessa

above:My sister,sharyn.

above:Jenny & Sharon[the b'day girl]

above:Her hubby.

above:Jenny,B'day girl,Ngow,Mabelyn,Sharyn.

Above:B'day girl,Mabelyn,ME,Christine,

David Teo,Jie Ying,Sarah Yap.

that's all for now folks.

till next time,

BYE~

At this point in my life,I am struggling.

I had every intention of writing a post

that would make you laugh and smile.

But my heart's just not in it today.

Time:4.30a.m.

I've been feeling quite awful and exhausted lately.

Its just been a blah week.

I don't mean to be E.M.O. but.....!!!!*sigh*

Sometimes the things that make me cry,surprise me.

Sometimes I read something that seems like it was yanked right out of my jumbled little head
&

sometimes some one just gets it.ARGHHHHHHHH!!

btw,

I love you ever and ever and without reserve.

The more I have known you the more have I lovEd you.
The last of your kisses was ever the sweetest,

the last smile was ever the brightest

&
the last movement was ever the gracefullest.

My mind has been the most discontented and restless

one that ever was put into a body too small for it.

I never felt my mind response upon anything with
complete and undistracted enjoyment,

upon no person but YOU.

I can never express it as much as i feel it,

I miss you.Miss you more than words can say.

P.S. I know you guys hate reading my blog cuz

the post is all so emotional,sad,dark and gloomy.

But I have no choice.

Blogging is the only way and is the only time,

People listens to me.

You guys will nvr understand this Emo woman lar.LOL

Jealousy is a terrible disease!!!

Keep walking,keep talking,

You got nothing on me.

Keep smiling,

because you know that

you can't DO WHAT I DO!

Keep staring,keep comparing lar.

You will never know

how it would be like

to be in my shoes.

arghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

being human is tough.

now is 5.40a.m. in the morning.Another boring wednesday.Wat the hell am I doing so early in the morning?Don't ask me.I'm equally asking myself the same old question.What is taking you so long?!Haiz.Somebody please shoot me now!arghhhhhh!I just don't understand.I still don't get it.WHY me??!ish.oi,Renee pls Stop emoing,please!!!okay fine.I'm Done with my economic quiz.Done with my english summary assignment.Done with my Human Development Video.Done with my 2 english essays.Done with my moral assignment.done with my midterm.Now all I left is my economics and computer application 1 assignment.gah.Sien la.I wan quickly graduate and get the hell out of Malaysia for good.bugger!!!.I wan to be 21.I wan my golden key.I wan to break free.I'm as tired as you guys.So tired and helpless now.Fine la.I'm going back to sleep.waste my time only.Haiz.I want to be like you "seriously".I wish I could just be like you,Careless and just walk straight ahead.There's someone who has been secretly helping me out ALOT lately.I love you so much monster.I just feel like,you're the only one who understands me la "eee sure kembang wan lo"hahaha.I'm no more a lesbian=) yeah.hahaha.was Renee once a lesbian???I suppose[evil smiles]muahaha.I'm such a good samaritan,so forgiving,so understanding.Hopefully God take me to heaven la.I think I can do it la.I just have to believe in myself and say it aloud that "Life is more than this".There's more than all this crap."Renee,just step out of your safety zone and run wild like a monkey ok?"haha.ok nite

I'm laughing at you!

There so much to blog about but I'm just so effin lazy blog.Kinda busy with ahem ahem.muahaha.So many people keep asking me the same old question.Why your blog so emo??!!I'm very emotional when it comes to writing essays,blogging,smsing and chatting on msn.the truth is I'm quite a sampat slut,always laughing and making stoopid lame jokes.love me or hate me kays?I'm a classy bitch.even Fb says so,LOL.I think i will not reveal my secret until the right time comes ok?btw,do I seriously look tat horny??I'm effin innocent ok.But tonnes of human says that I'm so damn blue/yellow minded/hamsup/cheeky/pervert/horny bitch/nonok gatal/puki and so on..lol.I love american pie.the BOOBIES are a lil fake btw.gah.I fell in love with my eh B.awwwwwwwwww.I might go KL if my mum say,YES!

We're all in this together.

All the best to you personally and professionally (:

“May your pockets be heavy and your heart be light"

&

"May good luck pursue you each morning and night.”

hey strong fella,

If you're alone,I'll be your shadow.

If you want to cry,I'll be your shoulder.

If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow.

If you need to be happy,I'll be your smile.

God bless you from above.

I'll keep in touch wit u real soon.Toddles~

Call me when it's over.

I'm really angry right now.I feel like murdering a human being.Don't ever let me see your face.I swear I will punch you.Why does God create evil people??"People with no heart".I seriously don't know what to do.I'm on the haunt!btw,I would like to thank a few people for helping me so so so much lately.I won't mentioned their names but they know who they are=)Love you guys!!!I have a secret to tell but I think It's inappropriate to say it aloud here XD.I'm so lazy to upload pictures.I love blogging like this.I'm looking for a replacement bear.A bear that is huggable,kissable and in a perfectly good condition!Last night,I dreamt that I was married with Lucas Till.haha.sweet!!!I hate guys with no brains.I hate selfish and self centered people.I hate myself for being a dumbass.Arghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!I'm thinking of doing something that I have never done before in my entire life.Shud I??It's so confusing.How does people accept the death of their love ones???I've seen and been through many funerals and It's so sad to see the sad faces of everyone.Ezit through that Good people go to heaven and sinners go to hell??Ezit through that we will all be brothers and sisters in paradise??Ok.fine.I need to sign out now.I have something important to do.byeeee=)Miss me ya.38!muahahahahaha.I love weekdaysss cuz they make me so happy.Can't wait to LOL with em'.I finally got over it.Boi....I'm so hungry now.I'm driving out for supper.I love YOU,24/7 MCdonalds!!!!

time and effort,all wasted.Arghh.

Good morning.It's 4a.m. in the morning.It's so frickin hard to explain why I am blogging at this time of the day.why is Everyone being so sarcastic??!arghhhhh!!!!!!!Of course no one can realize it because everyone is so busy and hectic to even bother to stop and realize the slightest mistake.Gah.There is this particular song that is running through my brain lately.I'm singing and repeating the lyrics again and again while I was walking on the road.I don't feel like blogging about my stuff.I like feel like blogging about others too.I'll just blog whatever my mind is thinking right now ya.I'm tired but heck yea,I'm still on blogger.com.I drank beer last nite and It tasted pretty good.so,I slept soundlessly last nite cuz I was dizzy.It stinks acting happy in front of my family members.It's so frickin hard to be around people sometimes.I'm not perfect.I'm nobody.Family's genetic inheritance is confirmed to be passed down to their children.Good and bad genes is all being inherited.I'm feeling so hot right now.The stoopid mosquito is biting me.Bugger.Ok la I'll go up and continue sleeping ba.Nite.

I got to keep on moving.

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the stars refuse to shine

Out of the back you fall in time

I somehow find you and I collide.

STUPIDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

I'm wide awake with each pin that stabs my soul.

I felt like there is a heart in my brain,that sick sad machine,

I get up again.I try to walk.I fool myself.

&

I say it's okay.

I need a shoulder to cry on

=..............(

dull.cheerless.not bright.

The whole world is bleek and dull.

very dismal.

i'm just acting happy in front of everybody.

the truth is I'm not.

It's now 5.30a.m.I can't sleep.That's why I'm blogging.

I'm all emotional and sad rite now.

I dunno what to blog about.I wont be blogging about anything happy on my blog de.

Firstly,don't ask me WHY am I so emotional.

Secondly,Don't ask me how am I.

Thirdly,Life is meaningless."My favourite phrase"

Fourthly,I'm lost in my own world.

It's beyond unbelievable.

I'm speechless.I'm ..........

bye bye fantasy world.bye bye great messages.

I'm setting up huge fire tomorrow.

I'm packing my things up and I'm going to say my last good byes.

I might look happy and cheerful in front of everybody,

but deep down inside I'm in totally despair.I'm just acting happy okay.I'm not happy at all.

I don't deserved it.It's so unfair.

dear God,

I hope you are listening to my prayers every nite.

please Let me wake up with a blank mind and an empty heart the next morning.

Protect the needy.Save the homeless children.

Help me find my way out.Give me the strength to do it all on my own.

In Jesus name.Amen

To those who have read this,go ahead,Laugh & gossip all you want about me!I don't care.

I haven't been getting enough of sleep for the past few weeks.

That's why I'm always looking tired in class and my eyes are always puffy.

I don't want attend class anymore.I don't wan study.

I want run away from home.

Nobody can ever understand me and understand how sad I feel.

God is watching.He is a FAIR MAN.

&

I strongly believe that to every bad action that a person does to another person,

he/she will be receiving the same bad action that he/she had done to that person.

I'm living in a maze and i can't find my way out.I'm stuck all alone here with nobody to help me out.I'm giving up to find the way out.I rather sit and wait for someone to save me from this complicated maze.Life is more than that.okay.fine.I get it.